"So Rachel, tell me, what is bothering you?"

Was that woman stupid?

"I've told you. I can't sleep. I need some sleeping pills."

"No. What is bothering you so much you cannot sleep?"


The bell caught her attention. It was the end already? She looked at her watch and realized she has been off for most of the English class. That has been happening a lot lately. She shook her head and stood up. Another two classes and today's finally over.

School has always been an extremely tiring business for Rachel. She remembered her very first day in the first grade. Her mother bent down to equalize their heights and said: "Don't forget who you are. And let the others know."
Well, mother, what do you think? Haven't I done just a great job?

She looked around the hallways. Strange thought came to her mind. For the first time she could remember, she wasn't tired from putting up a circus for the sake of maintaining her status. School was very quiet these days. Rachel was tired, because she couldn't fall asleep in the night.


The woman in the chair across from her looked at her patiently, waiting for her to answer.

"I don't need a psychologist. All I need is a prescription."

"I can't just give it to you."

Rachel sighed.

"Alright. How much is it?"

"I don't want your money, Rachel."

She furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't like how often and causally that woman addressed her.

"Then what do you want?"

"I want to talk."

She left that room at once, desire to make a scene bubbling in her stomach.

No Rachel, that's not worth wasting your energy…

She watched her whitening knuckles and then slowly relieved the pressure in her hands.

"So you still have sleeping problems?"

Her eyes immediately followed that voice. A familiar voice that turned into a very familiar face.

"I thought you were going to the army?"

Lee Hyo-Shin tapped on the empty seat next to him and smiled at her.

"I'm going in two months, after graduation."

She nodded and took a seat. That certainly made sense, why didn't she think of it in the first place?

"You look pissed."

"I am. That woman wants to play with me on this psychologist-patient thing. I just want some sleeping pills, that's all."

He looked amused.

"Maybe you should play along. It might be helpful."

She gave him a doubtful look. She wasn't sick, physically or mentally. Yes, there was this annoying sleeping problem, but otherwise…

"I mean it," he continued, his face all serious: "Look at me for instance."

What?

"You are fine." She stated.

"Exactly."


"So what do you want to talk about?"

"How are you today?"

"I'm leaving."


She wrapped the coat around her body tighter in search of warm. Her mother was late and dropped her in the intersection so not only she was actually walking to the school, she also came along with the welfare students. It was awfully cold for this time of year, she was absolutely underdressed and hated her new heels. Stupid, custom made shoes. Moreover, it was Monday. The worst day of a week.

"She might be even more arrogant than Rachel."

Hearing her name in the end of that sentence made her stop walking. She saw Ye Sol and another few of her classmates standing right next to her locker, obviously slandering this or that girl. And Rachel herself.

They haven't noticed her coming. Instinctively, she searched her brain to dig up some dirt on each one of these girls in order to casually shove it in their faces. It was so easy it felt almost disappointing.

It was too easy. She had done it countless times before after all. She was used to people bitch talking about her all the time, it was all included in this exclusive-life package. Very exclusive indeed.
She sighed. She just wasn't in the mood.

Instead of making a scene so early in the morning, she gave them a pass and started walking backwards. It was just her luck today, she bumped into something in the process. Of course.
But it wasn't the wall she expected to hit, it was softer and it smelled. She recognized the fragrance. Mainly because she bought it for him once, years ago.

She turned to him and stepped farther away, making her usual face. Needless to say, not a very apologetic one. She thought her eyes would do the job as always and their very brief encounter would be over without the need to actually say anything.
But the way he looked at her surprised her, because he was the one with the apologetic expression. She felt cold running across her back.

He pitied her?

"Rachel." The sound of his voice saying her name disturbed her stomach greatly. No way Kim Tan, no freaking way.

She knew what was about to come and when it really did, she felt hysteria dragging its way up to her head.

"Can't we be friends?"

She went for the most sarcastic and contemptuous laugh she was able to do and in the process of storming out she had to congratulate herself on that one.

Even though the feeling of winning was weirdly unsatisfying this time.

She just hated Mondays.


"Why did you break off the engagement?"

Because he didn't want me? Because he loved another girl?

"He was an illegitimate son."


It was the first time she has ever visited the school library. She got there by accident, on her way to the economy class, thinking about something… and suddenly she was there. All of the students gave her a curious look when she entered the room. It was like the time stopped for a while and she believed that room would become deadly silent if it already wasn't. Most of the people didn't dare to look at her for too long. Except for one.

"Did you come to check on the poor kids? How sweet," said Chan Young and went back to reading his book. She looked at the title, but it was in a language she didn't know.

"What do you mean? Are we forbidden from coming here or what?" In her peripheral vision she noticed few students flinch on their seats. She was being loud, but no one said a thing.

"Not forbidden," he said, almost whispering. "You just don't go here."

She raised a brow. Strangely, she realized it and immediately thought of Young Do. The eyebrows were his power, he was stupid for changing that hairstyle…

But it made sense they didn't come here. She had a library of this size at home after all. Rachel looked around and decided that this place was nice. It had a pleasant atmosphere, coffee and supposedly comfortable coaches.

She turned back to Chan Young.

"So are you hiding from Lee Bo-Na in here?"

"Sometimes. She's forbidden to come here, because she can't stay quiet."

They both laughed at the same time. And then both looked at each other with immense shock in their eyes.

Did she just shared a moment with Chan Young?

In the end, she ended up coming to library few times a week. There was something very appealing about that room, but she couldn't explain it well. Much more lately she realized that library was her way of escaping the world. It became her most favourite place in the school. Other students got used to her presence eventually, but Chan Young always warned her not to "spoil this place".


"Rachel, what about your friends?"

"What about them?"

She knew exactly what that psychologist meant, she just wanted more time to think about her answer.

"Do you have friends?"

Do I?

She had lots of people she knew in the right places. That's what her mother called "making friends". But she had a feeling that wasn't what that woman wanted to hear. She knew the concept of friendship. It was the pilot missing his little prince. Harry being useless without Ron and Hermione, Watson helping Sherlock, Darcy's efforts in the sake of his friend's happiness, George killing Lennie… It was what Kim Tan and Young Do used to have.

It was also what drove them apart. She didn't like the idea of sharing anything with anybody. Do people realize that by doing so they literally throw a weapon to that person's hands? Kim Tan shared something with Young Do what could have destroyed him if he cared.

"I don't need anyone like that."


She left the room feeling strangely empty. She massaged her temples. Those sessions were absolutely useless and she still didn't get any sleeping pills.

"Are you alright?"

She jerked a little. Again?

"Why are you here so often?"

Lee Hyo-Shin shrugged his shoulders and demonstratively looked around the hospital hall.

"After all this time, I guess you could consider this my second home. It's not that bad, it's very clean. But the food really sucks."

"But what's wrong with you?"

Crap. She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind again. The same way she asked him if he has a girl waiting for him. Really, who asks that? It must have sounded so wrong, even more than inconsiderately asking about someone's supposed disease.

But he didn't look offended at all. He smiled at her and continued chewing…whatever it was he was chewing all the time.

"Not much now. Want me to give you a ride to school?"

"You might have just said that you spent half of your life in this hospital. Should I trust your driving skills?"

But she did. She dismissed her driver in front of the building and got into Hyo Shin's car. It was somehow exciting, even though when she thought about it rationally, there was no reason for it to be, he was just driving with her in his car.

She watched his hands handling the car while they were driving out of parking lot. They looked very relaxed, gently pushing it to sides, fingers slightly pattering the steering wheel. His face was serious though, eyes strictly focused on the road. He really knew what he was doing and she found that very attractive.

That's strange.

But she must have admitted that, driving or not, he was attractive. She just have never thought about it before. She used to dislike him a little, because he was always looking at her with eyes that implied he knew more than her. It became his personal feature, he just had that look. No need to say that most of the time, he did know more than anyone else.

She tried to find something unsightly about his face, but she couldn't come up with anything. Especially on his lips. He had extraordinarily pretty lips. She felt her cheeks warming up, remembering the absolutely unnecessary scene she made at the party. But looking at him, she thought that it might have been worth something after all.

"You're watching me."

Now she really felt the heat getting to her head.

"No." She fixed her gaze on the road. She didn't see him, but she could swear he was smirking.

"Have you ever driven a car?"

"Of course not," she answered immediately, grateful for the topic change.

"Why of course, you're eighteen, aren't you?"

That was true. It wasn't about the age though. It's never even occurred to her that she could drive a car. Simply because it was more than probable that she wouldn't ever need it.

"Is it fun?" She asked with sincere curiosity in her voice.

He nodded. "And it calms you down."

There. There was the more behind his eyes when he looked at her. And that was the moment she realized he knew more about her than anyone else. They have never acknowledged it, but they shared a secret. Even though she didn't know the reason he was in the hospital all the time.

He has a weapon in his hands. And I don't care.