Chaste
I gently put Sarah down in her crib, careful not to wake her again, and sauntered back into the living room. Jacob was in the kitchen putting away the pans I had used for dinner. "Hey," I said, "I'm gonna start getting ready for bed. You okay down here?" He nodded and threw a considerate glance my way.
"Yeah sure, I'll be there soon." He said casually. I turned and headed back into our bedroom, making sure the nursery door was slightly open in case Sarah started to cry, and hopped into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later, smelling of lavender body wash and not baby puke, I settled into bed. It was only quarter past nine but after the past three months of poop, tears and wailing I felt absolutely relieved being able to lie down without any interruption. Jacob came in soon and snuck into bed with me after using the bathroom, lying sideways and resting his head in the palm of his hand which was propped up on his elbow. "Hey you," He smiled, leaning down to nuzzle his nose into the crook of my neck cheekily. My eyes fell closed as he gently nibbled on my collarbone and made his way up to just beneath my ear. He knew this was one of my sensitive spots and I groaned, running my fingers up his arm and into his hair so I could tug at the shaggy locks. With a passionate bite on my ear he leant over and kissed his way over my cheek and to my lips, finally kissing me. "Hmm, I've missed this with you." He mumbled against my mouth. I smiled against his teeth and nodded, breaking contact for a brief moment to look into his eyes.
"I've missed you, Jake." I admitted, rolling onto my side so we were facing each other. He beamed proudly and ran his hand through my hair, holding my face.
"C'mere." He sighed, pulling my face toward his and kissing my lips again as his hand made its way over my shoulder and under my shirt to stroke the soft skin of my back. As his lips and tongue melted into mine, both of his hands sensually slid up and down my sides, just brushing the outside of my breasts. I moaned, my mind fuzzy and unable to make sense of anything other than his hands and mouth on mine. I trailed my fingers up the back of his neck and then down to his muscular arms. They flexed under my fingers and I gripped them absent-mindedly as he kissed me fiercely. I was suddenly aware of my pyjama shirt which had slithered up to bunch just underneath my breasts and Jacobs fingers which were slipping into the waistband of my bottoms. I broke out of our embrace and covered both my hands with his to stop him going any further and pushed my head deeper into the mattress away from his lips. He looked at me concerned and placed both elbows outside of my head, propping himself up while I panted.
"Are you trying to take my pants off?" I asked nervously with shallow breaths. He nodded slowly, a crease furrowing his brow, not understanding. "Why?" I breathed. He gazed at me with hurt badly hidden in his eyes. He'd gotten so used to hiding things to look stronger for me that he continued to do it without even realizing.
"Because I wanted to make love to my beautiful wife and the mother of my daughter." He pouted, clearly upset. I let out a breath looked at the line following his sternum. "Why, babe? What's happened? Did I do something wrong?" He asked, terror clouding his voice. I looked back up at him and his lips were turned down at the corners as fear crept into his brown eyes. Taking his face, I tenderly kissed his lips again.
"You haven't done anything wrong, I just...er," Panic seized my throat and the words fizzled out so I was left staring at him like a deer in headlights. Would he leave me? Surely not, that would be stupid. His fingers gingerly traced the outside of my face effortlessly.
"What is it, sweetie?" He murmured softly. I took a deep breath and my eyes dropped again nervously.
"I'm not ready yet." I whispered under my breath.
"Ready yet?" He repeated and I glanced at him timidly. "What, to have sex?" He breathed seriously. I nodded nervously. A smile tugged at his lips and reverence swept across his face for a moment while the silence stretched on.
"What?" I grumbled as he was still looking at me.
"Nothing. I love you, that's all." And he kissed my forehead.
"But aren't you mad that you won't get to...you know...?" I questioned, confused. He understood me immediately.
"Get to love you?" He shook his head, black hair falling into my eyes. "Don't get me wrong Bells, I'm dying to be inside you again but I won't force you if you don't want me." He was doing that hiding thing with his eyes again, shielding the hurt to look strong. I pulled him forward, briefly pressing my lips to his again.
"I sure as hell want you, Jacob, I haven't ever not. I know the doctor gave us the okay when she checked my stitches and all but it's just...after having the baby and everything changing and my hormones still all over the place I don't know if I'll-"
"Ssshhh honey." He said, leaning his forehead onto mine and closing his eyes. His skin looked so beautiful. "What you did for me was amazing and we've got a healthy, beautiful baby because of you now. As long as you don't stop me from kissing you, you can have as long as you need." He whispered into my hair sincerely. I nodded in agreement.
"Thank heavens for that," he smiled quietly, tuning his lips back to mine.
Authors Note:
I know it's not all that but hey, it's something enough, right?
Yours Sincerely,
ColourMeChaos :) x
