Notes: Totally got sidetracked. This suddenly popped into my head and I had to run with it. I'll get back to my other story ASAP. Figured I'd post this since it basically spilled out of my brain and straight into this file. (tbh, I didn't put much thought or effort into this and I just wanted to get it out of my head so I could work on my other story in peace)
Also, this series is super convenient because you can blame every weird thing that happens on quirks!
WARNING: I thought I included this warning, but I guess I didn't. This story includes some omorashi (in short, pee).
Mismatched
Bakugou understood how he ended up in the situation. It was the situation itself that he didn't understand. He was standing in his little apartment bathroom getting ready to take a much needed piss after a long day of work, only to find that his penis was...strange. Staring down at the appendage in his hand, he forgot all about his bladder and instead nearly went into a full panic. His dick, which didn't look like his normal average-sized penis, was now a little shorter, but thicker and paler than he was used to.
That wasn't the strangest thing about it, however. The REALLY strange part was that this new penis actually had a face! And he knew that face very well. It had a set of wide, green eyes and freckles.
Bakugou could feel cold dread draining the color from his own face as he stared at this new horror in his hand.
"I know what you're thinking," the little oddity began.
The blond was audibly startled, stumbling backwards as if that would somehow get him away from the thing. He ended up falling backwards and slamming the back of his head against the wall.
"Sorry, Kacchan. I didn't mean to surprise you. Are you okay?" the little face on his penis asked.
Why, on top of everything, did the thing have the ability to talk? And it had that same concerned look on its face as a certain someone who shared those facial features. Despite the pain of slamming his head against a wall, he asked, "What the fuck?!" Because what else could anyone ask at a time like this?
An almost identical situation was taking place in Midoriya's apartment, only his penis had a set of familiar, angry red eyes. Well, at the moment those angry red eyes were amused. This longer, thinner penis was laughing at him after he'd fallen to the floor.
"Wh-what—?" Midoriya began.
"Hey, Deku. You might wanna take care of your bladder before you start asking questions. I think a little came out," this new dick said with a grin.
"Right. Sorry," Midoriya said, scrambling to his feet. Positioning himself in front of the toilet, he carefully aimed this unknown penis and released his bladder. He couldn't help sighing as relief washed over him.
Unfortunately, that relief quickly turned into embarrassment when he heard the face on his dick sigh as well. "Man, that feels good."
Once Midoriya was done, he almost put himself away out of habit.
"Hey! Down here. Remember me?"
Midoriya looked at this strange penis, wide-eyed. "You...You look and sound like Kacchan."
"Yeah. That's because I belong on that guy. I've had a long time to think about this while I was locked away inside your pants. It looks like you two were hit with a quirk that swaps body parts or something like that. He has your chinko and you have his."
The freckled man looked confused. "Chinko?"
"Cock."
Midoriya's entire face turned red.
"Yeah, I had a feeling you'd get all embarrassed like that, so I picked a better word."
Midoriya looked away. "I see. Kacchan wouldn't normally do something like that for my sake."
"Ugh! Shut up, Nerdface."
"Speaking of faces, why do you have Kacchan's face? And why can you talk? Does Kacchan's...'chinko' normally look like this?"
"Of course not, idiot. You used to see it all the time when you two were younger, right? Did you ever see that guy with a talking dick back then?"
"K-Kacchan. Can we, you know, pee first? I don't know how much longer I can hold it," Bakugou's new penis said.
The blond just sat on the floor looking at that weird freckled face on that weird dick of his. "What the hell? It's not even your bladder."
"Please, Kacchan. It's really uncomfortable." And as if to add emphasis to his desperation, a little spurt of urine shot from the tip. "Ah! Sorry!"
(This awkward and apologetic cock really is Deku,) Bakugou thought. He finally stood and made his way to the toilet, even though the little bastard was leaking every step of the way. The blond chuckled to himself as he aimed this new penis and relieved himself. "So with all that strength he has now, Deku can't handle something as simple as a full bladder?"
The dick must not have heard what Bakugou said. Then again, it was too busy whimpering and moaning as piss came flooding out of him.
Wait. Was the thing in his hand stiffening?
"Aa!" the dick gasped. "Sorry, Kacchan. I'll calm down in a minute."
"Holy shit! Are you getting hard from relieving yourself?" Bakugou asked with a smirk. "Is this the kinda shit Deku's into?"
"No. Really, it's not. It's just... Your hand."
The blond frowned when he realized he had a firm, full-handed grip on this stranger of a penis. He was almost tempted to touch the thing more just to see what other kinds of sounds it would make.
"Anyway, we need to find a way to get me back to where I belong. I don't know how much of your nerdface I can take," Bakugou's cock said.
"I call him Kacchan, so I can't call this thing Kacchan too," Midoriya was muttering. "Maybe I should call him something different. Maybe Kacchinko?"
"Hey, don't name me like you plan on keeping me around," the dick said quietly, almost shyly.
Midoriya couldn't help noticing that Kacchinko was becoming red and was swelling a bit. "Do...do you not like Kacchinko? I think it's a cute name." Without thinking about it, he began petting the side of Kacchinko's face.
"I-idiot. Don't touch me like that," Kacchinko said as he began stiffening.
The freckled man pulled his hand away quickly. "Oops. Sorry. I wasn't thinking."
"Clearly you weren't. I'm a dick, not a cat," Kacchinko reminded him.
"So, you were saying something about getting you back to Kacchan?"
"Yeah, but now I can't think straight. Get me off first."
It took a few minutes for the Midoriya-faced dick to calm down and Bakugou was patient enough to wait until it was comfortable enough to speak again. He'd finally moved from the bathroom and to his bed, the cock dangling freely.
"After doing some thinking, I suppose we must have been hit with a quirk that swapped our body parts. Kacchan, we have to find a way to get me back to where I belong."
Bakugou just looked down at this weird little cock. "Obviously you're supposed to be Deku's dick."
"Ah! Yes, I'm his...chinko."
The blond looked confused. "Chinko?"
"I think we should say that instead. Everything else sounds so vulgar," the 'chinko' said, turning pink.
"Hey, don't go getting excited again. Fine. So, what? Should I call you Deku-chinko? Something like that?"
"I-I'd like that, Kacchan," Deku-chinko said, turning redder. He was beginning to stiffen again as well.
"Hey, I said not to get excited."
"Sorry."
"I-I-I can't do that!" Midoriya stammered. "I can't, I mean, I shouldn't play with someone else's...you know."
Kacchinko didn't look like he had a lot of patience at the moment. "You play with your own, right? It's the same thing. Now, stop being selfish and jerk me."
"B-but what would Kacchan say if he found out I was rubbing his...chinko?"
"He'd be ecstatic."
Midoriya frowned. "You're just saying that."
"No, trust me. He'd be over the moon with joy. He'd never admit it, but he really likes you."
The green-haired man blushed. "N-no way. You...you're just saying that so I'll do what you want."
"How do you think you two ended up in the same place during your patrol? It wasn't because you two were patrolling the same area. It's because he's been following you around since graduation. That guy's had a crush on you since you two were little. That's the whole reason he started getting so aggressive with you. He never knew how to tell you, so he tried to hide it behind false hatred."
"Wow. If that's true, why would you tell me all that? Shouldn't you be on his side?" Midoriya asked.
"I am on his side. But a chinko is also one of the most honest organs of the human body."
Midoriya blushed and nodded. "I guess that's true." He slowly wrapped his hand around Kacchinko and enjoyed the sound of the chinko's moans.
"I can't help it. I get excited whenever Kacchan's around," Deku-chinko said. "He does too, you know."
"You mean, Deku?"
"Yeah. He's been trying to get you to like him ever since he was little. That's why he wanted to be a hero even when he didn't have a quirk. He's been trying to impress you. To get your attention. That's also the reason he was always complimenting you. It was pretty obvious when you think about it. I mean, he's been saying that he likes you the whole time. He just wasn't using the word 'like'. He's told you how much he admires you and looks up to you."
Bakugou couldn't help blushing a bit. "So you're just gonna tell me everything and possibly ruin everything for him?"
"Actually, I'm hoping this will make things better for him. It's long overdue. Besides, I can't really lie about it. A chinko is one of the most honest organs of the human body after all."
The blond was quiet for a moment, then looked down at the chinko. "Well, since you're like this, all excited and everything, want me to touch you?"
Deku-chinko stiffened even more. "Y-yes, please."
"So polite. Just like Deku," Bakugou said, wrapping his hand around Deku-chinko. "I'm gonna tell you something I'd never tell Deku."
Deku-chinko moaned quietly, then gazed up at Bakugou. "Y-yes?"
"I think you're really cute."
After a pretty intense orgasm, Midoriya looked down at his crotch to find that his normal penis seemed to be back where it belonged. Maybe jerking off had done the trick for that quirk to wear off.
But he couldn't get what Kacchinko had said out of his mind, so he picked up his phone and sent out a text.
Bakugou hadn't ejaculated so much in a long time and when he looked down at his groin, he found his normal, no face having penis there. Masturbating may have been the solution to getting rid of the effects of the quirk.
His cellphone buzzed and he was surprised to see that he'd gotten a message from Deku.
"We need to talk," was all the message said.
And after his conversation with Deku-chinko, he had a feeling he knew what this talk was going to be about.
Notes: I was kinda embarrassed about posting this, but oh well.
