I don't own Marvel Comics or any of the characters, I don't own DreamWorks Animation or any of the references that I mention here. This is my first fan fic so PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME.

There will be a vote for the content of the next chapter, the choices are at the bottom, I hope you enjoy.

BTW

( ) These are for the 1st personality inside deadpool's head. When you see these, he's talking

these are for when personality #2 talks

" " If there's no name attached to it then it's Deadpool talking

Name-" "- Another character talking in the Story

" Civilian life sucks major portions of dick! You can't go from being a soldier one day , to white picket fence , 3 brats and husband to a wife with a flat $$ . It's like what that olf fart from NCIS said , " you never stop being a marine." TRUE DAT! Sadly it's worse for a mercenary. To a merc , civilian life is like cutting of your meat and two veg while watching two girls make out in a pool filled with lime gelatin with family size tub of Vaseline wining at you and saying " Dig in!" with Laura Bailys sexy and boner inducing voice. Did I lose you *sigh* ok, basically all of this cool shit is happening right in front of your eyes. Stuff that people want, or they dream about it and get pissed when others can get it so firkin easily. The thing is , a merc doesn't want civilian life. When you've spent a good portion of your life country hopping killing people for money while meeting bat shit crazy people that will kill you with a smile and an erection, everything else just doesn't measure up. It's like a corn chip without chili to dip it in. Stale and disappointing. So what happens when a veteran returns home from the war, he/she finds their own war to fight? Yes! As for myself, it was pretty easy. The war came to me.

The portal

" AND ANOTHER THING, IF I DON'T SEE THE STUFF WITHIN THE HOUR I WILL BLOW YOUR f* ING HEAD OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER WHILE I BANG HER DRIED UP * (&# (" . You don't keep a man that's jonesing for a fix waiting, and when you bring it, I will count that shit. Don't Bogart my stash, with the money I'm paying for it I better see 3 ounces and not a teenth short?" * slams phone and cocks M1911* {BANG, BANG, BANG, }

(What did Siri ever do to you?)

Auto correct for one thing, remember when we set a reminder to hit the hay at 10pm?

"Exactly, next thing you know I'm beating the living daylights out of clay aiken when I should have dosed off with Modern Family playing in the background. "

(*sigh* idiots)

"Whatever"

So when do we get the stuff dude?

"Under thirty or it's free"

( He better remember that we count the pepperonis, no mercy for skimping on meaty goodness)

"I'm kind of hoping he does."

*both* (what) what

"Are you kidding me? Look around us, what else to we have to look forward to except abusing the pizza guy?"

As Deadpool pondered a new way to torture Luke the pizza guy, he couldn't help but give a Terminator overview of his toilet bowl quality apartment. Sitting like a slum lord in his beech wood frame lounger, drinking Keystone brand beer out of a pimp cup , and burping his ABC's, he was living the dream. Shag red carpet covered the mercs floor with remnants of past meals ,bullets and pointy things. The red cedar walls would complement the furniture if it wasn't covered with posters of cosplay chicks with worn out lips (practice makes perfect right?) The proverbial cherry on top was his television set. A 1961 Zenith with a wood cabinet console. Finally after giving the apartment a once over, he finally spoke.

"What the hell are we doing?"

Not eating pizza?

(Forgetting the straw in your pimp cup?)

His attempts to refrain from checking the bedazzled purple chalice were obviously in vain. Examining the cup in his right hand and scratching his temple with the other, he actually realized something that made his eyes shoot out from his mask. Disregarding the lack of a straw, and that it said "The amazing Spiderman" in red and blue bedazzle jewels with a lip smack, it finally came to him.

"YES!, no wait, I'm supposed to have a revelation that my life has been going down the toilet faster than a used condom after a rape."

Did you have it yet?

" ummm, no"

(And lost it in record timing.)

"Throw me a lifeline REGIS!"

(I believe it's Meredith now, no wait, it's Cedric the entertainer)

The Lemur from Madagascar

According to everyone in the room, this needed to be confirmed. Deadpool quickly gulped down the overly dressed Keystone beer, and tuned on the television to "Who wants to be a millionaire." His thumb hit the channel up button in an odd manner.

*beep* *bee da, beep ,Beep*

TWO BITS!

"NAILED IT!"

(I thought I heard the minions from Despicable Me)

The final beep was halted. The tangent had stopped. It's as if the world ad stopped spinning just to say "WTF" because this was a moment for the history books, Deadpool was speechless!

" Ok, it just came to me. Our life has gotten to the point where we spend an entire Saturday night plotting against the pizza dork, actually giving a $$crack's chance in prison about the current host of "who wants to be a millionaire ," and..

Deadpool whipped out his cell phone from his crotch pocket.

"…getting this shot of Wolvy Mc-Short Snikt and Ms. Chocolate rain Storm bumping uglies

Hmm, good point

(That wasn't even a spur of the moment plan; it took us days just to get that money shot)

"AHHH, DAMMIT"

Without hesitation, Deadpool launches the pimp cup across the room and nearly hits Mr. Snookums (Obviously you never played the video game). Grasping his head and swearing up a storm, he just realized that his life has become as predictable as a portal in a crossover fan-fiction. It's been years since he was hired for any mercenary jobs. No one was kidnapping wives, nobody wanted to kill someone at the hands of Deadpool ( apparently everyone grew some balls and did it themselves), Shield ignore his calls, the X-men didn't invite him to their pizza parties, just the fact that they could have pizza parties without "Mutant Hate" being splattered on every TV in America was disturbing. Nothing was happening fast. Deadpool could only sit back down and let Netflix wash over him like every other geek with nothing to do in between conventions.

" Let's just watch the Sons of Anarchy while they still play catch up with the cops, the Mayans , and every other gang making a profit in this god offal one cancer ridden sheriff of a town. "

I'm waiting until the 60 year old biker bitch gets to dry to fuck before I call it quits

(Gemma has turned into Sandpaper Sally, to think she used to be Peg)

"Yet Al Bundy is still plowing hotties on TV."

The click of the remote ended the one sided conversation, well that and the doorbell ringing.

*ding-dong*

"Thought we forgot about the Pizza didn't you reader?"

Jumping out of the chair with a can of super spring in one hand and a rubber chicken in the order, Deadpool's night was finally about to get interesting.

*click*

"FEAR THE CHICKEN…..what the, who are you and please tell me you didn't see the rubber chicken?"

*jaw drops*

(You don't have a jaw to drop)

Let me dream buzz kill

Standing where Deadpool's frustrated and scared pizza boy should be, was a voluptuous dark skinned female , wearing navy blue robes hugging every curb of her body with no room for the imagination, something Deadpool was shocked could happen. The women's jet black hair seemed to have a mind of its own, moving to and fro the corners of the door and moving inside of the apartment. They moved far enough for her face be unveiled. She had smooth grey skin, pale red lips, high cheek bones…..

SERIOULSLY CAN WE GET TO THE STORY, WE GET IT SHE'S HOT. CAN WE PLEASE GET THIS STARTED?

Mysterious women – *smile* "I saw the chicken Deadpool, but I'll just assume that you're happy to see me"

"Oh, that….ummm….Indians have seem to have possessed my suit, and building a Teepee by the looks of it"

Hot women-"If you say so, may I come in?" She put her hands together in a prayer position, but they were slightly tilted to the side in contingent with her face, giving a smile and head tilt a catholic school girl asking for cigarette couldn't pull off.

Dude, she may be a vampire, if we've learned anything from True Blood is that if you let a vampire in your house, sex is inevitable

(Your Television driven logic is sound, let her in and get rid of the chicken)

"Should I keep the super string?"

Possible vampire women-"Beg Pardon"

"By all means." Deadpool opens the door wider and extends his arm further into the apartment. Apparently that is the universal signal or "please come in and smoke crack."

Just when Deadpool thinks he's in for a night of mindless sex ,crack and pizza, the mystery women moves past him in a gaseous blue mist and reforms sitting right on his spot on the lounger.

" umm, okay I can get into this , it's not like I haven't had a night where I get gas"

So women can fart

(I don't smell anything, potpourri has done it again. Women are tricky though because I don't see it.)

"If this is going to happen then I'll need to hit an ATM, or give you the rest of Wolvy's Margarita in the fridge."

Blue Fart women- "What do you think is going to happen?"

The woman doesn't even face Deadpool while in his chair. She sits in the lounger as if she's posing for Playboy's center fold shot. Her legs are draped over the left arm rest with her head resting on the right.

"That I start humping you while shouting "SOOKIE IS MINE" without fail, he squats in a sumo position extending his fist out while acting out Bill Compton's most famous line in True Blood. Honestly his acting was spot on. He played a better Englishman than Orlando Bloom…playing an Englishman.

Laughing women – " Hahaha, oh Deadpool , you've fallen so hard from the grace of chaos that you've succumbed to the encumbering lifestyle of the fallen soldiers. Although…..

She quickly turns back in her gaseous form and moves across the room to a dumb founded Deadpool. Reappearing with one hand on Deadpool's cheek and the other on his chest, using her finger to outline a heart across the mercenary's suit.

…..that's what I like about you, even in this sad state, you are still the World's Jester. Laughing on the outside…

*Gaseous form*, appearing behind him, hands grasping his pecs and her body pressed on his back. She moves her lips right next to his right ear.

….tortured on the inside. I remember when you defeated an entire army of Skrulls. You sprayed bullets up and down

* moving her breasts up and down his back *

..An entire horde of them..

*gaseous form , this time she floated right above his head, grasping Deadpools mask*

…Playing mind games with their leaders." Deadpool immediately swatted her hand back. He couldn't help but feel violated, so he quickly dove for the coach where he hid two TEC-9's full loaded. Cocked an ready, he pointed at what he thought was his target, but pointed only at Mr. Snookums who only farted and barked at the same time. Then he felt something familiar, like a long lost friend, two of them in fact.

*gaseous form, Face to face , breast to pecs*

…and getting them to pull the trigger on their own heads, hahahHAHAHA."

Deadpool was moving his feet in the opposite direction , backing up to the wall, realizing that he was not going to score tonight, and that this was getting very personal very fast with a women that was either a fan , or a higher power playing mind games with him. All Deadpool knew at this point was that she had to go.

Women who is probably full of herself-" you captured the heart of the entity of death" slowly she walks towards him " made one of the eternals envious of your conquest" Deadpool fires of round after round, but it every bullet passed through her and all hit the television…..in the shape of a frowny face.

Dammit, that was supposed to be a smiley face

(Bitches love smiley faces)

"Will you guys SHUT UP!?, this bitch refuses to die and it doesn't seem like she's giving us the thumbs up you mean down WHAT EVER, ideas at all?"

(What do you do when you can't win against an angry Australian on an online fighting game, button mash?)

"Mindless slice and dice"

Katanas, the only time where a knife wins in a gun fight ( watch Man-sers and you'll get it). Deadpool reaches back and pulls his katanas out of their hilts on his back, giving a *snickt* sound that would rival Wolverine's. Lunging with his right foot, then added a kick off with the balls of his feet, he crosses his swords on font of him while heading pointy end first at the women …of gas running out of clever names huh, the women only stared and kept talking of Deadpool's indiscretions

Dead smurf colored women- "You fought a well-established portion of the north Korean army "

oh no

( Oh no she di-int)

" SHUT UP!" as soon as he reached her, the katanas went in the opposite direction , what was left was an invisible X . The women was slightly distorted. She retained her gaseous form as the blades passed right through her. Her smile grew as she decided to stay in position, if only to humor him while she continues to torture him with memories of his past.

..You blew up their base with a snap of your finger, set grenades off inside their bellies, "

Deadpool was getting irritated. Not only was he not silencing this harpy, but she was touching a nerve that he hoped would never resurface again. He turned around and continued his rage fueled onslaught. Striking from above with both blades downward, he landed with only blue vapors clinging to his swords. The left arm sent the katana across her neck. She was still smiling.

…all because they puppet master of that little army, killed your former lover and the child you both made, only to be left by you at the fate of a fiery grave."

(o.o)

( XD)

"…"

All Deadpool could think of, was why this was happening. He pissed off enough people to start a reality TV special called " who's mad enough to kill Deadpool?" This however was a wound that dug deep. His healing factor couldn't save him from this injury, as memories of a sensual night flooded his head. The cries of a child that he never met , nor would ever meet, went through his head, along with what could have been another life . Racing thoughts now poured in, his father burning a cigarette on his neck, a mother on her death bed dying from the very thing that made Deadpool a living cyst, Sabertooth cutting into another blue women that was his only salvation from reality. Weakened by the torrent of repressed memories, he lowered his katanas and stared the women right in the eyes.

"What do you want with me, who the FUCK are you, why do you all of a sudden have a hard on for the shit that I did?"

The women- "Forgive me. Actually no, I had to see it for myself. Your memories haunt you. They rattle inside your head constantly. The stress alone must be torture, so you hide it with your quips and a quick bullet to the head. Although that HYDRA agent that favored the latest Star Wars movies was more of a way to make a point"

" He had it coming, Jar Jar binks is an abomination . Every time he utters a sentence I get a headache in my eye."

The women-" very true, sit down Wade"

They both sat on a couch that was victim to a katana rama incident, regardless the cushions were intact enough to sit and chat.

The women-"My name is Eris, the goddess of discord. I lit the powder keg of the Trojan war by the means a promise of a golden apple that I gave to the Prince , Paris. I could go for centuries about all the fun I've had, but that's not why I'm here"

" Did you at least make any money off that Brad Pitt Flick?

Eris (FINALLY)- " Heh, regardless of what cinema has taught you , that's not how it went. Anyway , what would I do with money?"

"Give it to me for one, you made me literally "bang the shit" out of my TV and I'm sitting on what I once called my other bed when the blow up doll gets pissy"

Eris-" That can be arranged Wade, along with a bonus. I can make all of those awful memories go away .

As soon as she finished her sentence, Deadpool put down his smartphone, sacrifices a life in Candy Crush Saga in the process.

"What?"

Eris " Think about it, you can start a new life. Your perception will go back to what it once was, living in the now and accepting that life is a series of random and chaotic events, all of which you can live out to the fullest. Without being hindered from your past. If you do one favor for me."

We're listening

(We're listening)

"We're listening, oh now you skid marks show up"

Eris- "I know you are aware of the other worlds beyond this one. You have a gift of being able to cross them. "

"Depends who's writing for me at the time"

Eris-"That is what I need from you Wade. There are worlds filled with entities that choose to battle forces that keep chaos alive. These people are upsetting the delicate balance of nature. Chaos is a necessity. Without it, life would be without challenge, hardships; every mouth breather would be content at a life of monotonous tasks and predictable futures. In other words …boring. That's where you come in."

She places her hand on Deadpools chest. The other slowly moves up and down his leg, as if it were to comfort him. It was working.

Eris" I need you to go to these worlds and remind the inhabitants that chaos is eternal, everlasting, and necessary for people to rise up and challenge it. Making better soldiers, weapons, scientific breakthroughs, all in the hope of extinguishing chaos, regardless of it' futility"

"So basically you want me to hop from world to world, throw shit in the fan, all to keep people from being pussies?"

Eris-"Basically, yes"

"And you'll keep your end of the bargain?"

Eris –"you have my word

Her sharpened index finger makes a cross on the spot where her supposed black heart rests

..as a goddess."

" Deal, sure as hell beats the idea I had when you first came here, I was about to play grab ass , but then it'd would look like I was trying to brush away a bad fart with your little trick"

Eris- " Lovely sentiment"

The two shook hands to seal the deal. She explained how she would set up portals that would take him to the worlds he was supposes unleash hell on.

" Portals , really? When did this become your basic cross over fan fiction plot?"

Eris-" This is going to be fun, oh by the way Deadpool, can we do it just once."

"what?"

Eris-" I've seen you do it numerous times. I've never done it before myself and I've always been curious"

"My pleasure, careful because this will get messy"

Eris " Fantastic"

Deadpool reaches into his pants and grabs …a Deadman switch. This was followed by removing the cushion cover off like a tablecloth at a restaurant

"THE FLOWERS ARE STILL STANDING"

The "cushions " were plastic explosives molded to the shape of coach pieces. Deadpool put two metal plates on top, separate of course, and Deadpool and Eris sat on them.

"Ready to ride" Deadpool holds the Dead-man switch in the air, pushing a red button with his thumb to arm it. "

Eris-"Don't keep me waiting"

*ding dong*

Luke-"Umm Mr. Deadpool, I have your pizza here."

Luke opened the door only to find what looked like two nut jobs sitting on the biggest bomb he ever laid eyes on. Deadpool however just rolled with it.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about you , let me get my wallet"

(DON'T DROP THE…)
DON'T DROP THE…)

*ding* BOOOOOOM

The blast sent Luke ass deep through the wall of Deadpool's former apartment, sending the two chaotic hellions skyward, riding on a pillar of fire. Eris was enjoying it so far, but decided to get things started early. A wave of her hand opened a portal that they both we're heading for. It sucked Deadpool right in, and Eris…she went gaseous again and decided to watch form the side lines on the side walk. Looking up at the sky, she closed the portal, sending Deapool to a Universe that was going to be, ironically, completely random. The anticipation alone was satisfactory. She would now get to watch one of her favorite mortals (kind of) spread the word of Discord.

Eris-"Civilian life never suited you Deadpool. To pre plan an explosion like that, Hah, what civilian would waste their time on such a glorious hobby. You are a soldier of chaos, an agent of discord, and it's time you returned to doing what you do best. Welcome back to the war Deadpool. Oh what fun we shall have."

End of Chapter 1

So the next chapter is completely up to you. The other worlds will be television shows, video games, movies, meme's , whatever. I'm open to suggestions . For right now I want to stick to some common Deadpool Cross over Fanfiction worlds. If you want to leave a review, pick one of the following and I'll write the next chapter based on the world that you voted on.

Worlds

My little Pony : Friendship is Magic.

Teen Titans .

Invader Zim.

Thank you for reading my first fan fic.