A/N-Ok so I know this still isn't an update for either "Maura's Sexy Mix" OR "All I want for Christmas is You" but I'm working on those I swear... unfortunately my muse doesn't always work in the order I'd like it too... I also have one or two other one shots in the mix and am working on a sequel to "Drunken Utterances" called "Sober Statements" so keep an eye out. Because so many people requested more to Drunken utterances but I felt like that particular story was done but there was more to tell. So here is a story that just kinda hit me in the face during a dream so here ya go ENJOY! and as always PLEASEEEEEEEE review they are AMAZING! also this is unbeta'ed so please let me know if there are any glaring errors thanks!
Maura sighed it had been a hard day and she was glad she was going to get to see Jane, she came up the stairs to Jane's apartment but was surprised to see Angela standing in the hallway and Jane in her doorway yelling at her mother.
"Why MA? Why can't you just accept me for who I am?" Jane yelled. Her face was angry but there were tears in her eyes.
"Jane…" Angela began.
"Why can't you just love ME ma..love ME for ME!" Jane was motioning wildly with her hands now the tears had started to fall.
Maura felt her heart breaking she wanted to wrap Jane in her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Although she honestly had no idea what was going on, she would find a way to make it better if she never had to hear that kind of pain in Jane's voice again.
"Janie, Why can't you just be like…" Angela began softer than Jane.
"Be like who ma, Stephanie? Stephanie's gone ma. You're left with me. I know I'm not who you wanted but I'm sorry, but ya know what everyone else has come to deal with it. I blame myself everyday, but I've learned to move on and live my life. Because if I don't I'll lose everything and everyone I love…" Jane in full blow tears now, she was wiping them away furiously as she spoke. AS if the tears themselves had betrayed her by daring to fall.
With that last confession, she slammed the door of her apartment. Angela stood in the hallway stunned unmoving for a moment before walking up to Jane's door pounding on it.
"Janie you can't just end things like that! How dare you shout things like that at me… and in the middle of a HALLWAY no doubt. JANE ANGELA RIZZOLI OPEN THIS DOOR!" Angela was furious unshed tears filled her eyes. After a moment Angela gave up hitting Jane's door,
"FINE if you want to be that way go ahead Jane…" She shouted.
She turned and stomped down the hallway, Angela eyed Maura giving her a famous Rizzoli glare muttering something that sounded like 'all your fault' and 'my daughter…before she met you'' but Maura couldn't be sure and she hated to guess. She decided to go see if there was anything she could do for Jane and ignore Angela and her mutterings, at least for the moment.
Maura walked to the door slowly torn between wanting to give Jane a couple moments to calm herself down and wanting to rush to the door as quickly as possible throw open the door and envelop her the hard knocks detective in her arms and just hold her while she cried.
When she got to the door she knocked softly. She could hear Jane sobbing through the door.
"GO AWAY MA!" Jane shouted her voice cracked. Her voice was hollow and she sounded nothing like the Jane that Maura knew. Maura put her forehead against the door fighting tears of her own at hearing Jane sound so broken.
"Jane…it's me. It's Maura. Please Jane… please open the door." Maura wiped the tears from her eyes, refusing to let Jane see her weak Jane needed her strong right now.
Jane's eyes went wide. What exactly had Maura heard? How long had she been there? Had her mother said something? A million thoughts swirled through her mind as she picked herself up from her sitting position against the door. She slowly unlocked each lock and opened the door finding Maura looking just as fabulously perfect as ever. Even in a situation like this Maura still looked breathtakingly perfect. Jane took a moment to just admire the work of beautiful perfection in front of her. She stepped back waving Maura into the apartment wiping the moisture tears that were running down her face. She didn't want to let Maura see her even weaker than she already felt.
Maura stood in the living room awkwardly. Not exactly sure what she should do. She'd never really been this close to someone before and so she hadn't had much previous experience with comforting people. She worked with the dead for a reason. The dead were simple, uncomplicated. With a little science and some knowledge, you could figure out almost anything about it. Maura was in uncharted emotional waters but for Jane she would sail the world.
Jane closed the door. She looked at Maura opening her mouth but no words seemed to form. Her eyes betrayed her and more tears started to fall. Maura rushed over enveloping Jane in a hug, her legs gave way as she started to sob taking both her and Maura to the floor. Maura scooted back sitting against the door Jane curled into her side sobbing uncontrollably. Maura just held Jane letting her cry, whispering comforting words into her hair and rubbing her back soothingly.
"Maura-a I-I-I'm s-s-orry you h-h-ave to see me like * hic* this." Jane said through her tears.
"shh Jane it's okay sweetheart it'll be okay." Maura said
Jane looked up her eyes shone with tears, "M-maura…what did you hear… before you knocked on my door?" Maura could hear the fear in Jane's tone, she could see that Jane was afraid Maura was going to leave, to run from whatever was going on here.
"Before I say that Jane… I need to say this… I'm here for you…okay I'm not going anywhere." Maura said locking eyes with Jane.
Jane nodded, biting her lip afraid of what she was about to hear.
Maura got quiet. "Jane sweetie," she paused. "Who's Stephanie?" she whispered.
A thousand thoughts had run through her mind as to who Stephanie had been. The one that scared her the most though had been, was Stephanie an ex girlfriend of Jane's that she had never mentioned?
Maura could feel Jane's body stiffen against her. "Oh you heard that…" Jane sounded almost regretful. Maura wondered for a moment if she had made a mistake. Jane had slid down and now had her head on Maura's lap Maura was running her fingers through Jane's unruly beautiful hair.
"Jane I understand if she was a past acquaintance, friend…" Maura paused and finished with a whisper. "girlfriend.." She looked away at staring at the floor during her last suggestion.
Jane let out a low chuckle. She turned Maura's face to look at her "Now I know why you don't like to assume Maura. You suck at it."
Jane paused. "Stephanie wasn't my girlfriend Maura…" Jane made sure to point that out. No matter what she wanted Maura to know that there was no other women in her life. There was no one for her but Maura, but now was not the time for that discussion. She took a deep breath. "Stephanie was my twin sister" Jane said quietly, staring past Maura's face to a random point on the ceiling.
"What?" Maura said quietly. She felt as if she had been transferred to an alternate universe. How could this be possible? Jane was the only girl in her family? Wasn't she? Maura was suddenly confused. Why had she never heard about this? Thoughts spun through her head at a hundred miles an hour but Maura brought herself back. She needed to be here for Jane she could figure out specifics later.
"Jane I think I must have misheard you… I thought you said twin sister. But that isn't possible right I mean you're the only female child your parents had." Maura said. Her head was tilted to the side slightly like a confused puppy.
Jane would have commented on how adorable looked like this if the situation hadn't been so serious. Jane sighed again, she gripped the bridge of her nose.
"Yea, my twin sister. It's a long story would you like to move to the couch, cuz this is gonna take a little while." Maura nodded. Helping Jane off the floor Maura headed to the couch and Jane headed for the fridge grabbing herself a beer and Maura a large class of red wine. Maura accepted graciously taking a sip as Jane sat down. Jane popped the cap of her beer and took a sip.
Jane looked down at her beer swirling it as she gathered her thoughts. She blew out a puff of air trying to figure out where to start.
"Steph and I were complete opposites. I liked baseball she liked Barbie. I liked blue she liked pink. We could never really agree on anything but we were the best of friends, and I've never been as close to anyone as I was to her." Jane paused and looked up at Maura making sure she could the doctor was looking at her before she added. "until I met you.."
Jane looked back down at the couch, she turned more toward Maura pulling her leg up and resting her chin on her knee. Her eyes got watery again as she remembered. Maura took her beer free hand sliding closer to Jane.
Jane blinked back the tears. "She was always the girlier one of the two of us. I mean don't get me wrong she could get down and dirty too, baseball, basketball football but she preferred high heels and pom poms. She was a cheerleader while I was on the field hockey team." Jane smiled at the memory. "She was always the optimistic one, she saw the good in people even if there was none to see. She was the first one I came out to when we were in high school… she encouraged me to be who I was. Even though we weren't one hundred percent sure how our parents would react, she promised me she'd always be there. I was always closer to Frankie and she was always closer to Tommy."
Jane's eyes grew darker as she continued with her story. Maura squeezed her hand moving Jane and putting Jane's head on her shoulder. "It's okay Jane you don't have keep going if you don't want to."
Jane shook her head. "I need to…We were 17 and Steph had convinced me to finally ask out a girl I had a thing for. We were gonna go to dinner and go bowling...yes I bowled before you ask and no I didn't have the bacteria levels checked in the rental shoes so stop making that face at the thought of bowling shoes Maura Isles, I know you're making it." Maura wanted to smile, even when Jane was in pain and sad she still knew Maura inside and out.
"Steph decided that she and Tommy were gonna catch a new movie, but Tommy backed out. His friends had gotten themselves some tickets to one of Tommy's favorite bands and they all decided to go. So Steph called Grant, yes my old boss Grant that my mother tried to hook me up with, they were dating at the time and Steph was convinced they'd get married someday. They were so in love, it was sweet. On the way to the movies they managed to get in the way of a drug deal got wrong. Steph saw some kid getting the crap beat out of him she rushed over to try to help. Hell she tried to talk to a dealer, she tried to talk him outta killing this kid. The kid ran as soon as Steph had his attacker distracted, needless to say the dealer was pretty pissed. Fucking bastard shot her on the spot, Joey caught one in the shoulder trying to take the guy down, before the guy ran. Steph died in Joey's arms." Jane was crying now. "The bastard was never caught… Joey and I decided right after to go to the academy. I wanted to give families closure. The closure that we were never given, that's why I decided to go into homicide." Jane was leaving tear stains all over Maura's silk shirt, she would have to apologize for that later.
Maura just held Jane and let her cry. She could feel Jane's whole body shake. She placed some kisses in Jane's hair murmuring soothing words to her. Jane cried herself to exhaustion in Maura's arms. Maura soon realized the detective had fallen asleep in there. Maura laid Jane down on the couch and covered her in a blanket. She knew what she had to do. She wrote Jane a quick note and left it on the coffee table before she left.
She left the apartment closing the door softly as not to wake Jane. Maura headed for the Rizzoli Family home. She arrived there a few minutes later. She exited her car and headed for the door, knocking loudly.
"ANGELA!...ANGELA!" Maura knocked loudly.
Mrs. Rizzoli answered the door with a disgusted look on her face. "What do you want?".
Maura barged past Angela not bothering with manners at this point.
"I don't care WHAT issues you have with me.. but do NOT take them out on your daughter. You have a daughter who loves you dearly, and just cried herself into exhaustion because she thinks that you hate her! I don't care what she did, Jane loves you and does not deserve to be hated like this. So take out whatever issues you have with me, with ME, not her. Leave her out of this." Maura was angry now. Her arms were moving wildly as she spoke, a trait she had picked up from Jane. Angela hadn't said a word, she just stared blankly at Maura as she saw tears form in doctors eyes.
"Your daughter is in pain Angela… she feels like you would rather her dead… do you know how much difference Jane has made in so many people's lives..." Maura was openly crying now. "I have no idea what I would without her…" Maura's voice quivered.
Angela's face suddenly softened and she pulled her into a very unexpected hug. "You love her don't you dear?." Angela whispered in Maura's ear. Her anger with Maura fading fast, "I wanted to blame you for Janie being the way she is but I guess there is no one to blame… I just want someone to love her… and if you're going to take care of her and love her, then I guess I have to accept that. I just… Jane told me that she lo-" She cut herself off. "I mean I just… well some things were said and I got mad and I let my emotions get out of control…You need to talk to her Maura…"
Maura pulled back not understanding. "But I talk to her all the time Angela… in fact I just spoke with her before coming here. That is the only reason I know about Stephanie." Maura answered.
Angela's face darkened at the mention of her deceased daughter, but she quickly recovered slightly. "No Maura dear, I mean talk to her about how you feel." Maura looked slightly panicked.
"B-but Angela I'm not with expressing my feelings effectively, and as we all know either is Jane. She has those terrible defense mechanism when talking about her feelings, such as sarcasm and anger." Maura said, worry lines etched across her face.
Angela sighed. "If there is anyone who can deal with all of Janie's moods not only effectively but almost effortlessly, it's you Maura. No one has ever been able to deal with Jane like you. You are Jane's perfect match, so please honey go talk to her." Angela pleaded.
"Angela she needs to talk to you first Jane needs to know that you don't hate her… please… Jane needs your acceptance…for whatever it is you two argued about." Maura stated.
Angela sighed again. "Okay I will head over soon she'll want to see you first, I promise I'll be over soo-" Angela didn't get to finish her sentence before she heard the front door slam.
Jane rushed into the kitchen where Maura and Angela had ended up. "Ma I don't care what you think of me but I swear to god if you hurt her I'll-" Jane was yelling as she came to a sudden stop "never speak to you again…" Jane finished much more quietly. She stared at her mother and her best friend standing in her mother's kitchen.
Maura looked shocked. "Jane what are you doing here?"
Jane hold up the note Maura had left her. "I got your note. I'm going out I need to speak to someone but I promise I'll be back. I know you can't lie Maura even on paper. So I used my detective skills and figured out where you might have gone…" She turned to her mother
"God Ma what the hell did you say to her… she's CRYING for god's sake!" She walked over to Maura and enveloped the ME in a warm embrace. Maura just reveled in the warmth of the detective's arms, deciding not to pull back, greedily, returning the hug burying her head in Jane's neck and inhaling Jane's unique scent.
Angela wanted to smile at the sight of Jane being so protective and the content smile she could only assume was now on Maura's face being so close to Jane.
"I didn't say anything to her Jane at least not anything that you wouldn't want me to." Angela hoped her daughter caught the reference. "I left that for you. Maura actually did most of the talking but I will leave you two alone you need to talk but I need to say one thing first." She put her hand on Jane's arm. "I love you Janie… no matter what. I'm sorry my temper got out of hand, but know I will always love you, and I am very very thankful to still have you. Now I think you should take Maura home, she doesn't look so good." Angela left the kitchen giving Jane a nod as she left.
Jane stood in the kitchen utterly confused. She rubbed Maura's back. "My mother's right do you wanna head home? Jo's in the car. I didn't know how long I was going to be and what was going to go down so I brought her with me just in case."
Maura nodded pulling away from Jane reluctantly and wiping her tears. They headed to Jane's car in silence. When they got in the car, Jo immediately jumped into Maura's lap. The car ride passed in more comfortable silence each apprehensive to speak in case they said something they might regret later.
Maura spent the rest of the car ride with Jo Friday on her lap. She scratched the dog behind her ears letting her curl up on the doctor's lap. Jane concentrated on the road trying to figure out a game plan in her head.
They arrived at Maura's and Jane took Jo for a walk before she met Maura in the living room. Maura had taken the liberty of getting Jane a beer and herself a glass of wine.
"I don't really approve of the amount of beer you consume on a daily basis as it is very unhealthy for you but under the circumstances I believe a beer is warranted." Maura stated as she handed Jane a beer and sat down on the couch. Jane took set her beer on the coffee table (on a coaster, Maura had her trained) and unhooked Jo, before sitting next to Maura on the couch.
Jane took a deep breath; her nerves were starting to get the best of her. "Listen Maur, I don't know what my mother said to you… hell I don't even know why you're crying I just.." Jane started to rub the scars on her hands getting more anxious as the seconds passed. Maura could sense her tension.
"I'm not good with feelings and such, ya know? I don't really deal with things like this and all I usually just…" she paused running a hand through her messy hair. "I just don't want to lose you and…I-"
Maura took a giant leap for once in her life she acted before analyzing every single piece of information on a situation. She leaned forward taking Jane's face in her hands and captured the detective's lips in a soft but sensual kiss. It took a moment for Jane to respond. Her brain seemed to freeze time the moment Maura's lips touched hers. When Maura felt Jane's lips move against hers she thought her heart was going to explode. It seemed like hours but was realistically only moments before Jane pulled back.
"I love you Jane, I fell in love with you the moment I met you and I can't stand to lose you so please… don't do anything stupid don't run away and just let me love you." Maura caressed Jane's cheek with her hand.
Jane placed her hand over Maura's. "I love you too and for once in my life I'm not running away. I may have run away from who I am my entire life but I'm not now. Stephanie would want me to be happy I know that now. I don't know what you said to my mother but it worked better than anything I've ever said. So thank you Maura, for dealing with me my family and all our messed up bullshit."
"Of course Jane…always." Maura responded with a smile.
Maura laid back on the couch pulling Jane with her, Jo Friday curled up by Jane's feet and bass stayed by the end of the couch. Jane snuggled into Maura's side pulling a blanket off the back of the couch over them and they fell asleep, content to just be with each other.
-The End
***review plz plz plz***
