I got a request from DA asking for a fic with Kakuzu and Hidan poking fun at each other weaknesses and this was born. Sorry for all the Hidan abuse but he's so much fun to torment.
Disclaimer: Kakuzu and Hidan belong to Kishimoto
Bounty hunting is a job that would be considered very time consuming. Time consuming jobs require a lot of patience. Kakuzu is a man who holds a lot of patience.
He's never had a problem with the long stakeouts; or the long walks to the bounty stations carrying corpses over his shoulder. In the end it always pays off.
But, then there are rare times when he doesn't walk away with his prized bounty. Something goes wrong and he's forced to abandon the corpse. It's times like these that his patience wears thin. But he still manages to hold himself together to keep himself sane.
Then there are the really rare times when it's not easy to accomplish even for him. Like now; he's walking through the deep snow, bounty less, with his bitching partner by his side.
"Seven hours of my life I'll never get back! Way to fucking go Kakuzu; if you didn't drag us out at two in the fucking morning for a bounty we didn't even catch we could still be sleeping right now!"
Kakuzu twitched; Hidan was one of the few people who knew how to push his buttons. "Shut up Hidan."
He turned; Hidan was glaring at him now. "No, I won't shut up! I'll keep bitching till you understand just how pissed off I am at you! Really Kakuzu, for someone who's supposed to be an S-ranked criminal your weaknesses suck."
"Bounty hunting's not a weakness Hidan."
"I'm not talking about the bounty hunting; I mean this whole money fetish you have."
Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. "It's not a fetish Hidan."
"It's an addiction then?"
"No damn it, how is it a weakness anyway?"
Hidan was staring at him like he just asked an obvious question. "We just spent seven hours in the fucking snow for a bounty and you have to ask that?" Before Kakuzu could even open his mouth to retaliate Hidan cut him off. "And don't give me any of that 'we need money to support the organization' shit. You know we have enough!"
Kakuzu turned away with a grunt and started back down the snow filled path. "We need it for emergencies."
Hidan snorted. "That's the best you can do? Come on, you have the easiest weakness there is."
Now it was Kakuzu's turn to glare. "And your weaknesses are so hard to find? Like no one could attack while your performing those bloody rituals of yours?"
Hidan frowned. "Hey don't you drag Jashin-sama into this!"
Kakuzu smirked. "There you go. Someone makes a crack about your god you lose your temper and go on a rampage."
"Yeah and all I have to do is throw a wad of bills off a cliff and you'd go chasing right after them!" Hidan shot back.
Kakuzu sighed "Now you're just exaggerating. That's NOT the way you win arguments."
"NO! I'm not fucking exaggerating! You're so hung up on your god damn money you put it before anything! In fact….Leader might like to know what your sorry excess for medical care really is…." Kakuzu stop dead and turned around to Hidan's cocky looking smug gaze.
"You might like to keep your mouth shut about that unless you want to find your head at the bottom of the river." Kakuzu breathed out slowly and dangerously. Hidan didn't look the least bit fazed.
"We both know you wouldn't do it. Who else are you gonna find who's willing to come out here in the middle of the fucking snow and sit with you for seven hours?"
Kakuzu turned away defeated; or so Hidan thought. "Alright; you can tell Leader about my 'sorry excess for medical care' and I'll tell the rest of the Akatsuki about a certain incident where you couldn't paint your toenails because you got so fed up with paint that you threw a two year old fit and chucked it against the wall," Hidan paled. "and the fact that I've been doing it for you them for you for the past year."
Hidan stepped in front of Kakuzu deciding to end the argument then and there. Apparently getting even with him wasn't worth losing his last shared of dignity. Kakuzu smirked again thinking of other ways he could blackmail Hidan.
Maybe the Akatsuki would like to know he did his hair too.
