::groans and buries head in arms:: This was supposed to be a humor fic. It didn't turn out that way. Just read, please don't review ::well, you can if you want to:: if you're going to say, "This sucks!" I know that. I got very bored on my camping trip. Just letting you know I'm not serious about this.
Hedwig hooted as Trevor hopped into the Owlery. Trevor blushed, turning his sexy green skin complexion into an even sexier brown. Hedwig blushed, too, turning her usually white feather complexion into a rosy pink one.
They made dinner plans with much hooting and ribbiting, and decided to meet under Neville's bed the following night.
"What's up with Hedwig?" Hermione asked Harry the next night.
He shrugged. "I don't know. She wouldn't eat tonight. I hope she's all right."
"Let's have a look at her. If she looks sick, we can take her down to Hagrid's. He'll know what to do," Ron suggested.
Harry agreed, and the three friends set off for the Owlery.
Hedwig, however, was not sick. She was under Neville's bed, awaiting a romantic dinner of rats and flies, with side dishes of spiders and beetles. For dessert they'd have s'mores with mealworms. Hedwig was going to enjoy this meal very much. Not only was she starving and the meal sounded delicious, but she was also dining with the toad of her dreams.
Trevor emerged from behind a flap of the bedspread, carrying roasted spiders and sautéed beetles, garnished with delicious slug slime. Hedwig said, in the universal language of toads and owls, "Oh, Trevor, you shouldn't have. I haven't had a meal so decent since – gosh, I don't know when!"
Trevor laughed his sexy toad-like laugh, and said, "All for you, my sweet. You deserve it."
Hedwig giggled and blushed, loving all the compliments she was receiving.
While Hedwig and Trevor talked, Neville was in a panic. Trevor had disappeared again. Neville had searched the whole castle, from his dorm to the dungeon to the North Tower. Just then, he thought he heard a ribbit from under his bed. He got down on his hands and knees to look.
Harry wasn't too happy, either. Hedwig was missing! And Harry had searched everywhere! The Owlery, the broomshed, the entire castle, even Hagrid's hut just in case he knew where Hedwig was. But no luck. Harry sighed and headed up to his dormitory. Hedwig would turn up sooner or later. He just hoped it was sooner.
When he pulled open the door, a very unpleasant sight met him: Neville was under his bed, with only his butt sticking out. Harry said dejectedly, "Hello, Neville."
Neville screeched, and Harry winced. He wasn't that bad, was he? Neville straightened up, hitting his head on the bedframe.
"Trevor!" he said, rubbing his head.
"Actually," Harry said, looking worriedly at his friend, "I'm Harry."
Neville laughed, and turned around. "I know that! But I found Trevor!"
"Great, Neville. Do you know where Hedwig is?"
"No," said Neville, "but I'll help you look."
And so the two boys and the toad left the room, looking for an owl that was right under their noses.
As Harry was searching, Hedwig was crying up a feather storm. Her one true love had left her, leaving her all alone.
Hedwig emerged from under the bed, taking great care not to be seen. She flew silently to the Owlery, watching for a danger. She didn't want to run into any ghosts, or students, and especially not teachers. She didn't want to get Harry in trouble, and she wanted to be alone.
When she reached the Owlery, she didn't answer any questions from the other owls, she just settle down and closed her eyes, trying not to weep. She fell asleep thinking about Trevor.
Later that night, a strange rustling awakened Hedwig. She opened her eyes and was greeted by the sight of – Trevor! Hedwig flapped her wings happily. Trevor hopped over to where she had been sleeping. Hedwig greeted him with a sultry smile, but Trevor didn't return the smile.
"I have to tell you something," he said gravely. "We have to break our relationship up. It won't work out. I'm a toad, and you're an owl. I'm sorry, but it's true. And our owners don't understand, either. Neville kept us apart without a second thought.
Hedwig wiped her wings across her face to keep the tears from sliding down. She couldn't believe that he was breaking up with her! But maybe it was for the best.
A week later, Hedwig had hooked up with Ron's owl, and Trevor had started going out with a frog in Hufflepuff. Things had worked out for the best.
