The Words
Disclaimer: I don't own Hanabi but own poem.
Hanabi is reflecting on how her life is. Sad.
The words keep repeating in my head. I've heard them so much I'm starting to believe them. Maybe my birth was a mistake, and maybe I was to never be loved or cared for or knowing the feelings of love, caring, or friendship, to never have anyone worry about me. And the only "loving touch" I get are from my father's slaps. I'm starting to think that's true; my "friends" probably only hang out with me is because I'm "funny" and always "happy". Why can't they see that those are just faces I put one so they don't see the real me? The me who gets scared of never getting away from those "loving touches". The me that worries weather she'll survive. The me that's suppose to ignore others and never smile. The me who doesn't like showing her true self. The me who feels like she's the only own in this strange world that feels like this. The me who cries to herself after the beatings.
You would think I had no tears left, huh? With my mother and sister dead, because of me. They died protecting me from father. Now I'm all alone and never feeling loved, not like I should. It's because of me that they died. I'm the reason for everything bad happing around me. Once my friend said her brother got in a car accident because a he was trying to avoid a puppy, the puppy I just let go in the ally near the accident. It was my fault for that.
All those feelings that impossible for me to feel I give them away to everyone. I only hope that those words would stop going through my head when my smiles become real or when my laughter's true. And that my past would stop going through my head when I'm asleep and when I see my friend. Or that I was never born…I'm just a nuisance to everyone, maybe I should just stop living and kill myself so people will never have to suffer because of my life. After all who will miss me? Maybe that is what I should do, but I can't I'm too scared of death, so they must suffer because I'm too scared to die.
