Chapter 1

Bella

"How are my two favorite Cullen's doing?", he said.

"Well, Jasper said all is well in Seattle—the weather is still crappy but they are happy to be home from the honeymoon and getting back into their routine. Alice is still super in love with your brother and said that Hawaii was awesome, but Lanai was better than Maui… and that we should definitely plan a trip there when you get home. Honestly, it was everything I could do to keep our secret quiet." I heard James chuckle a bit so I just kept on. "I'm kidding—we are doing well. I didn't throw up this morning and I am feeling much more energized today. I swear…I thought morning sickness was only supposed to last 3 months. Plus, how can I not be having a great day when I'm are getting to talk with you."

"I'm glad you are felling good today- I know it's been rough and I've missed out on helping you. I wish that I had been there to help you out." He said—I could hear the guilt in his voice.

"James, you are going to be here before the baby comes, when I'm nice and fat and not even able to see my toes. You'll probably have to rub my fat feet and help me tie my shoes, and you'll be here for all the important stuff so don't worry. Hey, how are you able to call anyway? I thought you had patrol this morning."

"Well, it was canceled because a group of Senators and brass are coming from DC and we have to put on a big shit show for them….so Captain Cullen got to stay behind to help get everything ready. I really wish I were out on patrol though—playing G.I. Joe for politicians is not what I signed up for. I swear, these people from DC come over here and want the royal treatment and to watch the big boys "play war", but what they see isn't what we do on a daily basis….it drives me up the wall. Anyway, when do you work again?"

"I'm on a 12 hour shift beginning tomorrow at 7am so I'll leave here around 6am to get there in time and get caught up on my patients. Don't worry, I'm not too tired or working too much. Vanderbilt is such a great hospital and I'm so happy that I'm here instead of at the base. The extra drive is totally worth it—I'm much happier here than I would've been at Ft. Campbell's hospital." As soon as the words left my mouth I started thinking about what we would do when the baby comes. Being pregnant came as such a surprise—who would think they could get pregnant while their husband was home for two weeks of R&R over the past 6 months. There is just so much to think about.

James's voice interrupted my thoughts, "Well baby, I have to get going—some of my men need the phone. You be careful and take care of yourself—only 3 more months and I'm home and then out for good. I hope you've been thinking about moving back to Seattle. It'd be great to be close to home and have all that family around to help out with a little baby. Oh yeah, and if you see Edward at the hospital, warn him he's got an email from me that he'd better read ASAP." He said jokingly.

"Goof, don't give him a hard time. He's still in the "honeymoon phase" being with Lauren—it's still new. Remember when we were like that." James and I couldn't keep our hands off each other during that time.

Who would've thought that meeting Alice's fiancé's brother at their wedding would result in my marriage to an Officer in the Army, moving every 3 years and now a baby on the way. When I think back to the adventures James and I have had it puts the goofiest grin on my face. He is a fabulous man, wonderful son and I know he'll be a great father. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

I continued, "Ok, I'll tell him IF I see him. I love you, James—stay safe and don't be a hero." This is how I end all of our calls. Don't get me wrong, I'd be proud of James if he was the hero but the selfish person in me wants to remind him to come home…especially now that there will be an us.

"Alright Bella, I love you too. Take care of you and little Cullen for me. I'll call you as soon as I can. Bye baby." And with that another call in the books and one day closer to James's deployment being complete and him leaving Afghanistan and coming home.

The rest of the evening was uneventful…A call from Alice where I relayed all that James and I had talked about, minus the baby talk. James and I decided we'd tell the family over Christmas in 3 months. I won't see them before then and I should still be relatively small so I'm hoping they won't be able to tell, and he'll be on speakerphone and after that just one month before he's home.

After an episode of Modern Family I decided it was time to be off to bed. Being a nurse has its benefits but the thought of waking up at 5am another 12-hour shift on the pediatrics floor brought none of those benefits to mind.

5am came early and by 6:30 I was at the hospital and getting all the overnight info on the patients. Nothing earth shattering so yet another day starts. Luckily, I haven't gained a ton of weight for being 4 months along so no one I worked with realized I was pregnant—just thought I had a bout with the flu a few months back…since then I've learned how to hide the all day sickness.

I took a break around 11am and went down to the surgical floor to see if Edward was working. For someone that is James's best friend from undergrad and works two floors down from me, we rarely see or talk to one another. I mostly hear about him from the emails James receives but when we do get to see him, it's a great time—always fun. I don't blame him though, who wants to hang out with old married people. Edward is in a surgeon's world and being one of the younger surgeons at Vanderbilt, his schedule is hectic—not a lot of openings in his social calendar and even less now that he's started dating someone.

I went in search of the charge nurse to ask if Dr. Masen was working today and she said he wasn't. "Well, I'll just have to call him tonight and give him a head's up about James's email," I said to no one in particular.

After a quick stop for a decaf coffee and a snack, I headed back to the pediatrics floor. As I was leaving the cafeteria, I noticed the news showing shots of military actions in the Middle East but thought nothing of it—I see it everyday.

Heading back to the floor I stopped to say "hi" to Tanya and asked how she was doing and the small talk that goes along with that.

After 3 more hours I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I only had 3 hours to go on my shift and was heading to my favorite patient's room. Seth was a 6 year old that was battling Leukemia and doing a heck of a job. Recently all his tests had come back negative so he was getting to go home at the end of the week. You could tell when you walked in his room that he was excited and it was contagious.

As I rounded the corner I caught sight of Edward and gave him a warm smile but noticed he didn't respond. It was after his lack of response that I took in the entire scene. Behind Edward were 2 men dressed in an Army dress uniform, one being Emmett McCarty, and one was carrying a briefcase. Having been a military spouse for long enough, I knew what these men were here to do.

My expression changed what I can only assume was put devastation. I looked back at Edward and said the first thing that came to mind.

"NO!"

Edward

My day started out as any other day I had off after working a 36-hour shift—by me sleeping in. By the time I woke up it was after 10am and after lounging for about 30 minutes, I decided to actually get myself up and out of the bed.

After finishing my morning routine, I decided it was time to check my email. I only get to check it about every few days so it usually takes me some time to get all caught up. Sifting through the junk mail and reading a few from friends, I came across one name that I was happy to see- James Cullen, my best friend from Virginia Tech.

James and I met each other the first week of school—during fraternity rush week. I know, I know—a lot of people think rush is organized cliques and partying and womanizing and I'm not going to argue that but for me, joining a fraternity was a great way to make friends and get out there. I spent my years in high school being a social moron and decided that when I left Seattle for college that I'd try to break out of my shell—it was much easier to do with the help of a fraternity and the fact that no one I went to high school with was heading to VT. Anyway, after rushing the same fraternity that year, James and I discovered that we were from the same city and became great friends—and by default I became great friends with his brother, Jasper.

The email started out the same as always, "Masen, you jackass—how the hell are you?". This was James way of saying hello via email—I think this must be common in the Army.

Masen, I know it's been a while since we spoke but I thought I'd drop you an email. I always ask Bella about you but she says she really doesn't see you much—especially now that you are dating Lauren. Bella tells me not to give you shit about it because apparently you are in the 'honeymoon phase' and we were in that phase once also. I think it's a load of shit but I would never tell Bella that—I learned a long time ago not to argue with that girl.

Anyway, things are the same over here…hot and shitty. Man, I can't tell you how ready I am to get home and get out—only 3 months to go and then I'm out of the sandbox for good. Bella and I have so many plans for when I get home—I hope we can get back to Seattle but know that if we do, it's going to be shit without you. Can you believe it's been 9 years since that freaking debacle called rush? I'm laughing right now just thinking of all the shit we went through. Damn

I have to run but I wanted to ask a favor. If you get a chance, please check in on Bella—she hasn't been feeling well lately and I really don't want her to overdo it, not that you can convince her otherwise but if you wouldn't mind just stopping by her floor next time you are on, I'd appreciate it. She's my life and I'd hate for her to get in over her head. But whatever you do, please DO NOT tell her I've asked you to check on her—she'd have my head on a platter.

Ok man, hope you are doing well—no doubt you are saving lives and making a name for yourself in Nashville—looking forward to having a beer or a six pack with you when I get home in February.

Later,

Cullen

After reading over the email a few times I replied with small chit chat—telling him that I was happy to check in on Bella and I'd let him know how she is—and that my next shift is in 2 days so to xpect an email from me sometime after then.

Bella—man what a lucky guy James is. He met Bella at his brother's wedding and the rest was history as they say. James and Bella had hit it off right away and seemed to really have a lot in common. To say that I wasn't jealous was a lie—I met Bella that same night and immediately felt a pull to her but James is much smoother than me and after the wedding, asked her out….and 9 months later he had a ring on her finger. So yeah, I was jealous but now I realize that although Bella is a great girl, James is a better match for her than me—and now I'm just jealous of what they have…a best friend, lover and someone to just have a great time with and make memories with. Of course these thoughts led me to my current dating life—Lauren.

Lauren and I met at a bar…yeah, I met her at a bar- so what. She's a fun girl and I enjoy hanging out with her—is she the love of my life, probably not but right now she's someone that I like being with. And as James said, the "honeymoon phase" is always fun…even if you only get to see the person once or twice a week. My cell phone ringing brought me out of my Lauren haze and back to present day.

"Hello"

"Hey Edward, it's Lauren…I know you are off today so I just wanted to see if you were available for dinner."

What to say, what to say. "Hey you—yeah, I'm around tonight. Want to meet at Ted's around 7pm?"

"That sounds great—I'll see you then," she replied. That is one thing I enjoy about Lauren—she doesn't linger…she says her peace and moves on.

After hanging up I went about the rest of my day—lunch, shower, TV, nap, errands and by 3pm I was already looking forward to a nice burger from Ted's. Again, my phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts—looking at it I saw Jasper's number show up.

"Hey man, what's going on?" I asked Jasper.

Silence.

"Jasper, man you there?"

"Yeah," he replied, choking up a bit. "Listen, I have something to tell you."

At his response, I began to worry. It's not like Jasper to call me out of the blue and sound like this. Jasper has to be the most even-tempered person I know, very non emotional.

"What's going on?"

"Dad just got a call from the CAO, Captain McCarty. I really don't know how to say this—James was involved in a roadside bombing and didn't make it. That's all I know. I'm sorry to have to tell you over the phone like this." Jasper barely got the last sentence out.

"Fuck. Fuck! Jasper man, I'm sorry. Shit, that's just… shit. Holy Fuck. What…..what…. can I do to help", I stumbled out. There were a million different things running through my mind at this moment: my best friend had been killed, I had just heard from him and now he was gone, how is that possible. Shit. Jasper's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Listen, we don't think Bella knows yet. Alice said she's working today and never has her cell phone with her while on a shift. I need you to go to her and be with her before she gets her messages or the Army shows up to tell her in person. If they get to her, she's going to be a wreck and will need someone to help her—I need that to be you," he said.

"Yeah man, no problem. You know I'll do whatever possible. I'll leave right now."

"Thanks. My parents and I are going to be there tomorrow but I need someone to help her tonight. I know she's got friends there but if you wouldn't mind staying with her, that's be great."

I answered immediately, "Jasper, I'll be here. Call me when your plans are set or if you need to talk to Bella."

He replied, "thanks, man. I'll talk to you soon."

I left immediately and made it to the hospital in record time. As I was getting out of my car, I noticed two soldiers walking towards the hospital so I went over to them.

"Excuse me. You men don't happen to be here for Mrs. Cullen, do you? My name is Edward Masen."

They looked at each other and the big one answered, "Mr. Masen, I'm Emmett McCarty. In fact we are here to see Mrs. Cullen."

"I'm a friend of the family and Jasper, James' brother, called to let me know about James and asked that I be here to help Bella or just be here with her when you talk to her. We don't believe she knows."

Again Mr. McCarty spoke, "She probably doesn't. We were just heading in to speak with her."

With that we all walked towards the Pediatrics floor and to give Bella the worse news of her life.