"Richard Castle, you are under arrest for the murder of Katherine Houghton Beckett. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do may be used against you in court"

He feels his heart stop.

"Kate?"

He isn't thinking clearly… the world is going black. NO! NO SHE CAN'T BE DEAD

"Kate… is d..?" No don't say it! she isn't dead! Rick she's alive… first breath.. control the situation… He feels a tear slide down his cheek as the bite of the cold metal cuffs comes in contact with his wrists. A stabbing pain goes through him but he has no clue where or why… Why is my head spinning? He can feel the world around him spin as the blood rushes up to his brain… the bile up his throat… he feels like he is walking bare feet on glass. The world is a blur. The police officer standing in front of him is a blur. And then the world blacks out, giving away to a hole under his feet… the world slips away right beneath his feet and feels himself going down the ragged tsunami that now engulfs him. He can't breath. He can't see. He can't think. He can't remember. He can't move. He doesn't want to move. He wants to die. He's accepted it. The end of it al- beep beep beep

The fuck is that beeping? Wait… I've heard that before… no… I was supposed to die… He feels so hopeless just then that he's sure he can feel tears on the sides of his face. If I stay still and hold my breath long enough maybe I'm weak enough to actually die without having to face life again… He feels another stabbing pain in his arm and then slowly on his other arm. He can feel it spread down his body little by little as if his body is being suppressed. Out of control. He can't identify it. The continuous stabs make him feel strangely numb.

Should I open my eyes? Well are you ready to face the world Rick? He decides that he needs to face it instead of running away from it. Alexis is still there… she needs you, you coward of a man. The love of your life may not be around anymore but your daughter is! who's going to take care of her? Meredith? That bitch can't take care of herself how is she to take care of Alexis… plus do you really want her to remember you as a murderer? The murdered of the one woman she considered a role model? and what about your Mother? She didn't raise you a murderer, must she believe you one? She didn't raise you a coward or a runner either…

He huffs mentally and tries to open his eyes very slowly but finds a burning pain sear into his eyes in trying to do so. Fight it Richard… you can do this… you need to know what happened and you need to set things right. Having let his mind win over him, he concentrates all his willpower into trying to open his eyes and finds this overwhelming wish to just give up. It feels like hours before he succeeds in the smallest peeks and then he can hear the machines go crazy.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

The machines are followed by the sound of people running and a flow of words he can't make any sense out of of. He forces his eyes open and this time he's able to keep them open longer. What he sees leaves him shocked and surprised.

She's alive…