My second fanfic (first DC one) ever written...which I never finished.
"Dude, why do you wear those glasses all the time?" said Wally. He and Dick were at the Gotham city park on a Saturday in April. Both were sitting under the cool shade of an oak tree watching people stroll by.
Dick grew a little defensive, "Hey they help keep my secret identity…well, a secret. You're wearing some too," he pointed out.
"Pfft, well yeah," Wally brushed off the comment. "They're not for me though. They're for the ladies." Just then, a blonde with a mini skirt and cami walked by. "How you doin'," Wally flashed the girl a smile and a nod.
The girl giggled and whispered something to her friend she was walking with as they continued to go by. Dick made a gagging noise. Wally looked back at him with a small frown. "But still. We're having a mini vacation, remember? That means you're supposed to relax."
"I don't see why we couldn't have relaxed with Superboy and Kaldur though. Or the rest of the team," Dick said.
"Dude, you know Superboy is completely against anything even remotely fun. Besides, when was the last time it's just been the two of us?" Wally put an arm around his best friend's shoulder.
"Well…okay," Dick admitted, finally deciding to stop protesting to Wally's idea. "What should we do first?" He turned to him.
Wally contemplated this. "Well…we could always grab a hot dog. Or watch girls. But since you're not into girl watching…maybe you should watch birds and I'll watch the ladies," he gave his friend a sly smirk.
Dick smirked too, "Only if you think I'll find Black Canary."
"Dude!" Wally protested.
Dick put his hands up. "I know, I know. No League talk, I got it."
"No, I meant that I'd get to find Black Canary first," Wally jutted a thumb back to his own chest, "She IS a lady, after all." He then dashed off.
Dick laughed and ran off after his friend.
Later that day, Dick and Wally were actually eating hot dogs on a park bench in the afternoon sun. Even more people were milling around, so much that the park was actually getting a little crowded. "We should go," Dick suddenly decided, putting his hot dog aside and standing up. "It's been hours and Bruce is going to kick my butt if I'm not back soon."
Wally shoved the rest of his hot dog in his mouth. "Relax, we've got all afternoon, Robby," he said through a full mouth, stretching out on the bench with his arms crossed behind his head.
Dick looked back. "I am relaxed. I've been relaxed all day! I ran around the park five times with you…"
"THAT was nothing," Wally said from his relaxed position.
"...We got snow cones and pretzels then entered that eating contest…" Dick continued.
"Which I won," Wally boasted.
"…AND we even pulled that prank on that old lady," Dick finished.
Wally glanced at Dick with a mischievous look on his face. "You have to admit even YOU had fun with that one."
Dick rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.
Wally stood up. "Alright, alright. We'll go back soon, but not yet okay? Jeese, you've been acting like the old bat all day."
"I don't act like Bruce!" Dick shot back, only proving Wally's point.
"What you need is to do something that you want to do," Wally said, sitting up on the bench. "That's the only way you'll ever get to relaxing. So what do you want to do?"
Dick thought about this. What did he want to do? Well, Wally had been right about one thing-pulling that prank HAD been fun. So he guessed he wanted to do another one of those. But how? And on who?
"I got it," Dick said, grinning. "I'll prove to you I'm not like Bruce. So let's pull a prank on him."
Wally stood up, surprised. "Whoa, that's like…dangerous dude," he said to a glowing Dick. Wally quickly warmed up to the idea though. "But I like it." Dick grinned and the two did a high fiving handshake.
"Let's go," Dick turned, already leading the way.
Wally began to follow after his friend when something caught his eye. He jogged back over to the bench and picked up Dick's half-eaten hot dog and took a bite. "Dude, wait up!" He called, jogging after him.
It was sundown when the two boys made their way to the Wayne Mansion. They could have gotten there a lot faster, granted, but in order for Dick's plan to work they had to take the long way around to the back. Wally stood with his hands on his hips as Dick pulled a vent out from the side of the building. "Dude, that's the cheesiest thing I've ever seen," said Wally.
"Is this also the cheesiest thing you've ever seen," Dick stepped out the way so that Wally could see inside. He gaped.
Inside, was a lining of crystal glass and a padded floor. Although the space was still just small enough to crawl through, it was decked out with all kinds of gadgets and compartments.
Wally whistled. "How'd you come up with all this stuff dude?"
"Well there's got to be some stuff that Batman can't know about," Dick grinned. "Come on, let's go," he led the way inside.
Wally ducked as well and crawled after him.
The two crawled on in silence until there came to be a fork in the vent. "I hacked the motion sensors," Dick whispered back to Wally. "So all we've got to do is get into the kitchen, grab the can, and get out." He paused. "Got your phone?"
Wally held it up faster than Dick could blink. "'Course I do. Thanks to Uncle Barry's worry over a bad guy tracing me, no one can find out where I'm calling from now."
Dick giggled. "Right. Worriment. Nothing to do with over protectiveness..."
"It's not his fault he's protective!" Wally half-whined, half-snapped back at Dick.
"Shh! Keep it down. He might hear us," Dick looked down through a slit along his technological wall to see a very precise Alfred cutting up celery bits below in the kitchen. Dick looked back at his friend who was now more interested in the prank again, than Dick's earlier comment. "Start the call."
Dick looked back at Alfred and two seconds later, the home phone rang. "I hope that's Master Dick. I'm starting to worry about when he'll come home," Alfred said, wiping off his hands on a towel before walking out of the kitchen.
Dick felt bad. He knew he wasn't pulling a prank on Alfred per say… well, not the main prank. He just needed a can of whipped cream from the kitchen, and he needed to get it without Al knowing. Brushing aside these feelings, he ignored Wally's obnoxious banter behind him as his friend distracted Alfred, and opened a panel underneath himself. Then Dick dropped down to the floor and rolled.
Casting a short glance around, he made a mad dash for the fridge and opened it wide.
The enormous fridge, as always, was packed with all sorts of nutritious but also tasteful foods. Dick scanned the shelves for the whipped cream but couldn't find it.
"I don't know if my refrigerator is running," Alfred's voice said from the other room. It was getting closer to the kitchen. "I will go check."
Dick face palmed, a little annoyed that Wally had chosen THAT joke to stall Alfred. He turned to go hide when he saw the silver and red can. He took it, and then rolled behind the counter.
Just then, Alfred entered. He opened up the fridge. "Yes, it is still running. Hello? Hello?" Dick realized that Wally must've hung up. "Hm, must have been a wrong number," Alfred went back to his chopping.
On the other side of the counter, Dick looked up. He could see the hole he dropped down from, plain as day. Wally's face was there, looking back at him. Dick saw him rub the back of his head apologetically and shrug. Frowning, Dick peeked over the top of the counter back at Alfred.
Alfred was now chopping carrots too, just as diligently. Dick looked around and spotted his utility belt on the kitchen table. He made a move for it-snatching it right off the tabletop, then went back to the floor. He peeked over at Alfred. Nothing had seemed to change.
He then took a batarang out of his belt and, with aimed precision, threw it toward a pot at the other side of the very large kitchen. The Clang! Of the noise immediately stopped Alfred. "What was that," he turned. Dick used this distraction to scramble up the counter and made a jump for the hole. Wally pulled him up just in time, since Alfred turned around a second too late. He went back to his chopping.
"Dude! Did you get it?" Wally whispered, still a little nervous and excited.
"Yeah, no thanks to you!" Dick spat, his face holding a fixed frown as he unclipped his utility belt. "Why did you have to go and use the 'your refrigerator is running' thing?"
"Oh so now you're blaming me for your screw up? YOU said it would take no time and be totally 'asterous'," Wally frowned back.
"Gah, we don't have time for this," Dick peeked back through the slats at Alfred. "Al might be gullible but he isn't stupid. He's going to figure out that it was me. We don't have much time now."
Wally relaxed back into his old self. "Nope, no turning back. Phase two?" He held out his hand.
Dick smirked back at him. "Phase two," and the two high-fived.
