Disclaimer: Nope Lily Evans ain't mine. If she were, would I be writing on FanFiction? Nope, I would be living the high life and making millions.
Woah, keep those emotions in check before you blurt out something.
That smile, that flippant attitude, hiding the hurt in your eyes that I can now distinguish. I've been cruel again. So have you though. Right now, you are dragging me into pools of agony over the thought of you. But, as usual, I will stalk off, shaking from the poisonous lies that dripped from my lips.
I love you, James Potter, your chocolate brown eyes full of warmth, and yet glinting with humour. I wish your strong, muscular arms would wrap around me, your hand in mine, my hand in yours. I wish to feel your soft caressing kisses on my jawbone, your words full of love. Your lips meeting mine, full of undenied passion. I long to feel wanted. To me, you are gorgeous.
However, you cannot know this, because truth be told, I'm scared. I have hated you for so long, and am fighting this curse as hard as I can. I have never felt this way about anyone- no matter how clichéd that is. I can't believe I used to laugh at people in my predicament. Everything was so clear before you messed my head up, everything was black and white. I don't want to fall for you, but I can't deny to myself that the chemistry between us could become so much more.
This- my icy words, my evil glare is all a façade. My cold words I said to you before, I burn with shame at the thought of them. I just keep on insisting that there is nothing more than hate between us, to everyone else, but my defences are crumbling. For now though, I will just keep lying to everyone else. I have to. I HAVE TO. To keep myself in control. I don't like these new butterflies that come to my stomach every time I meet you dammit! I liked the old pit of twisting anger and annoyance. You are still an arrogant prick, but you are slowly turning into a man now, and I see that. Your thoughts and emotions betray you. No, NO! NO!! LILY!
Lily Evans, the only girl who has ever said no to you, will carry on the same. What I can't change, are my thoughts and dreams. You are in my mind all the time and I can't escape it for much longer. The boyfriend I have, he is nothing, no, not to make you jealous, but to keep my self preservation. I just hope I can hold out against this madness of mine and go back to hating you in peace. Things are so much easier that way.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
But you can't know.
Lily Evans, tight lipped,
Desirable ice queen,
Will hold her tongue.
The passionate words I long to say,
Will remain unspoken.
Until I break.
…
