It was just another regular school morning in South Park. The three boys were waiting at their usual bus stop for the morning bus to arrive. Cartman showed up last, donning a kippah upon his head with fake curly hair pieces attached to his sideburns. Kyle raised an eyebrow when he saw him. Stan looked at Kyle, and they both shrugged.

"Alright. What are you up to now, fatass?" he sighed.

"Excuse me, Kahl?" Cartman replied, adjusting his fake curls.

"Here we go again," Kyle thought to himself. "You're not a Jew, so why are you wearing this?" he explained, pointing at his ridiculous get up.

"Oh? But I am a Jew, Kahl. I am a completed Jew, unlike you," Cartman replied rather smugly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kyle huffed, showing obvious annoyance.

"I'm a Messianic Jew. I became one yesterday. I joined this website called Jews for Jesus. We believe that Judaism is more complete if they accept Jesus as their messiah," Cartman explained.

"You've basically just described a Christian," Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Kahl, please go and get educated. We are Jews, just more complete and more pure. We even have Christmas trees like civilized human beings, and we do both Christmas and Hannukah, so we get more presents. So I would appreciate if you stopped Jew-shaming me with your antisemitic remarks, you big nosed Jesus murdering heathen," Cartman responded sweetly.

Kyle lost his temper and smacked Cartman square in the face with his backpack.

"Oww! Fuck you, Kahl! You just assaulted me! This is a hate crime! Hate crime!" Cartman screeched.

Just then, the bus pulled up. Kyle sat down in an empty seat, with Cartman forcibly plopping himself down beside him, practically pushing him over. "Go sit somewhere else, fatass!" he scowled at Cartman.

"Just let me talk. I'm sorry Kahl, I didn't mean to upset you just now. I mean, I said some things, you said some things. And then you physically assaulted me. But you know, us Jews gotta stick together," he explained, his hands folded in his lap.

"Seriously Cartman, go fuck yourself!" Kyle flipped him off.

Cartman paused and tapped his chin, as if in deep thought. "Oh, is that a Kosher thing to do? I'm kind of new to Judaism and all, so maybe you can explain these things to me. I don't know if fucking yourself is a part of the Jewish commandments or not."

"You know what is part of the commandments? Go take a pineapple and shove it up your ass," Kyle snickered.

"Oh, that sounds lovely! Do you do that every Saturday, Kahl?" Cartman smiled sweetly.

"Oww!" he yelled when Kyle punched him again.


The next day, Cartman showed up to the bus stop wearing his previous get up, but with a new addition. Now he was also wearing a plastic Groucho Marx style glasses and face disguise on his face, in addition to his kippah and fake curls.

Kyle glared at him.

"What?" Cartman shrugged.

"You're just really trying to piss me off, aren't you?" he sighed. "Well, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of losing my temper this time."

"Good for you, Kyle," Kenny mumbled under his hood.

Cartman smirked and started dancing around and singing like a preacher. "Today is such a great day to be alive! Hallelujah!" he clapped. "Praaaaise Jesus! And praaaaise Moses! By the way Kyle, Christmas and Hanukkah are coming up in another few months, so you will have plenty of time to think about 9 presents to get me!"

"Oh I'll give you presents," Kyle snickered. "How about 9 knuckle sandwiches?"

"Yeah, I'm not really into fisting, is that also in the Jewish commandments?" Cartman smiled. "Your religion is so very interesting!"

Kyle shook his head as the bus pulled up. Just another typical day in South Park.