Disclaimer: I in no way, shape, or form own Vocaloid. Each character used belongs to the respective company that produced him/her; I merely borrowed them for non-profit entertainment purposes. The Hatsune Miku song Streaming Heart, of which this fanfic is based, belongs to DECO*27. Please give credit to him and check out the original song. It's amazing. Regardless, I do claim ownership to the cover art and words below. Please enjoy.
There was once a girl and a boy.
They were alike in so many ways.
Yet at the same time, they couldn't be any more different.
They were two sides of the same coin: meant to coexist, but never meant to see each other face-to-face.
Then one day, the girl turned around.
Gray. That was all I could see. Gray walls. Gray floors. Gray ceiling. Even my attire consisted of nothing but gray. The buttons were just as gray as the rest of the material. These weren't shades of gray, either. Just a single . . . solid . . . gray.
It was the color of no belonging.
The Streamers associated with gray for obvious reasons. Love Makers wore white to symbolize their purity. Love Wreckers wore black to symbolize their tainted souls. Streamers wore gray to symbolize that no matter how much they desired it, they didn't belong. Not with the Love people. Not with the humans. Nowhere.
Even then, as I wore that same bland shade of misery, I knew that the physical representation was long overdue. Never once did I fool myself into thinking that I belonged with the Love Makers. I could pretend – sing and smile and act as if the world is a beautiful place – but no matter how much I had Rin fooled, I could never fool myself. All that time, I was nothing more than a fake.
"Len Kagamine." The voice was demanding with authority it didn't have. My cell door opened, and in stepped a ginger with fire eyes and a self-righteous smirk. How I wanted to smash her face in right then and there. "He would like to see you now."
Without a word, I rose to my feet and followed the Streamer. She wore gray because of who she is. I wore gray because of who I was made to be. One of us was born, and the other was created. It was reason enough to hate her.
"He has a very . . . interesting task for you," the one leading me said, her words uncertain but firm. I was introduced to her when I was first brought to this hell, but I never could remember her name. Asking never crossed my mind. I didn't bother to care.
"He can kiss my-" I began, but the ginger didn't let me finish.
"Yes," she said with snapping words, "he's very well aware of your suggestion that he plant his lips against your behind. However, he's even less tolerable of the phrase now than he was the first twenty times you said it."
"Funny." I cocked my head to the side. "I thought I said it many more times than that."
"You're insufferable."
"You would be too if you spent the past thirty days in 'rehabilitation.'"
She didn't argue. How could she? Never once has she been treated as a guinea pig. Nobody used her to play God. As difficult as her life might have been, she didn't ever have anyone look at her and say, "Let's see how it reacts when we do this."
"I recommend you shed this attitude before you speak to him," the ginger ordered more than suggested. "He's not in the mood."
"One, I'm not scared of him, and two, what makes you think I'm any more in the mood?" My emotions were high. Everything burned. I was trapped inside myself.
Eating me. That's what was happening. The thoughts were eating me. Anger, hatred, rage – I couldn't feel anything else. All I was never had any importance. I was nothing more than an experiment. No love or sympathy was ever given towards me. This world gave me nothing, so I owed it nothing. I felt so strongly that the darkness inside of me begged to come out, and it was directed towards the girl in front of me.
Her back was exposed. It was too easy. I reached for her, grabbed her just above the elbow and threw her down. She was too surprised at first to scream, but when she made that intake of air, I jumped on top of her and wrapped my fingers around her throat. I squeezed tightly. Her eyes bulged. I hated the sight so much that I used my grip on her neck to slam her head against the concrete floors again and again. Those hideous gray floors. Her skull cracked with each meeting, and soon that awful gray was painted with a beautiful red. The crimson liquid spread like wildfire. I continued to slam the ginger's head against the stained ground, encouraging the outpour of blood, and squeezed her neck tighter and tighter with each movement. Her neck collapsed beneath my fingers. The stench from her body relaxing assaulted my nostrils. I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I would get my anger out on her, and then him, and then I will break out and snap the necks of all who try to stop me. I would-
"Len Kagamine!"
I snapped out of my daze and looked into the eyes of the ginger. Alive eyes, intact to an unbroken skull, attached to a strong neck. The ginger was all right. She looked at me with concern and fear, but she was all right.
The next thing I noticed was my clenched fists. Peeling open my fingers, I saw blood leak through the open crescent marks on my palms. I didn't hurt her. I didn't kill her. The truth almost made me faint.
She was okay. I didn't kill her. It seemed so real, and how I felt during my fantasy terrified me. I never killed anyone before. Was it only a matter of time before that changed, too?
Before I would think of happy things, such as the beauty of two people happily in love. The best way to distract oneself from the negative was to dwell on the positive, and for years that had worked. Now the thought of joy and happiness disgusted me. It made me too much of a Love Maker. For the past thirty days I was conditioned out of my old ways of thinking – anything to make me fear what society stressed as most important. Happiness is an illusion of the fickle human mind: no matter how much you have, you will always want more.
Tell me, are you satisfied with your life right now? What are you looking for that you believe will make you happy? When – or perhaps I should say if – you obtain it, will you never have want or need of anything else ever again?
Of course not. You'll want more. The human description of "happiness" is so temporary. Sometimes you're so busy trying to get more in order to make you happy that you forget all about the things you still have that supposedly once made you happy. You're a black hole wanting more and more, constantly getting but never satisfied. After all, you are human.
Now you see why Love Wreckers hate humans so much? I do now. This realization had made me wonder why I ever wanted such selfish creatures to be happy in the first place.
Is it scary that in such a short amount of time, I changed so much I don't recognize who I am anymore?
The rest of the walk to his office was uneventful. I didn't fantasize about killing the ginger again. I didn't even think of her. Instead I thought of two other girls.
First was my sister. Rin. The circumstances being what they were, I wondered if her sacrifice was for naught. What she went through for my sake has now been passed to me, but in acute bursts instead of chronic lessons. What I dodged as a kid I suffered then. How did she, someone who was never meant to know this life, endure it for eighteen years? How did she live it now? I wanted to see her and hold her close, cry into the crook her neck and apologize for everything I said the last time we spoke. I hurt her in many ways, most unforgivable. Where was she in that moment? What was she doing? Was she thinking of me? Was she worried that she hadn't seen me since that day? Did she even care?
The other girl I thought about was Miku. I didn't know what happened to her since we were abducted what felt like a lifetime ago. Was she all right? Did they torment her also? This was all my fault, I knew. Did she know it? I hoped so.
"Len." The so-called boss of this place greeted me like a cockroach crushed against his favorite pair of business shoes.
"Leon," I returned. The ginger gasped. For some reason this man did not like to be addressed by his name. I didn't care. This isn't some fantasy story where the villain is so wicked that he's commonly known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or some crud like that. What's so terrifying about a name? A name is nothing more than a sound or noise spoken to identify a person. Unless you're God, your name means absolutely nothing.
I'd apologize, but I'm not the tiniest bit sorry.
Looking at me as if he's smite me if I wasn't a valuable part of his research, Leon told the ginger, "Thank you, Miki. That will be all." When she had gone, he said to me, "You're quite grouchy today. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"
"Cut the crap," I snarled, teeth showing. I didn't sit in the chair across his cherry wood desk. I pretended it wasn't there. Standing interested me more: Leon had to look up to me this way. "What do you want? I was in the middle of counting the tiles on the ceiling of my room for the fifty-seventh time when your pretty little messenger interrupted me. Perhaps I forgot to tell you that I don't like to be interrupted when I'm counting."
Leon didn't blink. "Your little friend escaped."
That was enough to throw me back. So much, in fact, that I didn't immediately realize that I collapsed in the chair I just refused. "What?"
"Your little friend. Miku Hatsune." Whether for show or not, Leon made a point in picking up a slim folder and flipping through its documents. "She was captured and brought in with you, if you recall. Eighteen, turquoise hair, five-feet two-inches. Beautiful to look at but more vulgar than a truck driver when somebody insults his classical music CDs." Returning his gaze towards me, Leon said, "She escaped last night. Influenced her guards to commit suicide. It's super inconvenient that adults are far harder to bind than children. The poor, misguided girl has no idea what she's capable of."
"I think she would have a pretty solid idea of her skills if she can escape this awful place without getting caught."
Though it showed otherwise, I like to think that Leon found my observation amusing. "I need you to get her."
I was taken aback but then irritated by the solid statement that demanded me not to question it. "Why me?"
"She's too dangerous." Again Leon flipped through the folder. "Nightmares, rage, and violence all mark up her records. She has had zero experiences with Love People and the Love World until your sister brought Miku's existence to our attention. If not for your sister, Miku wouldn't even be where she is right now. She wouldn't know what she is, and she wouldn't be screaming about her desire to watch the world burn as she burned with it. Thinking that you're a measly, powerless human is nothing. A Love Wrecker that hasn't been bounded and is as new to her abilities as a toddler is to walking is something else entirely."
"So why send me of all people after her?" I asked. "What makes you think that I won't use this as an opportunity to escape? Hell, at this point, I'd be down to watching the world burn with Miku, laughing as everyone screamed in the unquenchable flames, and laughing as my own miserable existence came to its end."
Leon narrowed his eyes, looking at me through slits. "Miku won't hurt you," he answered. "How could she? Of course after you failed to watch out for her, you might not be her favorite person as of this moment . . . However, she does care for you."
"That doesn't mean anything," I spat, but Leon had a response.
"Yes, it does. I know you've watched her from afar for years. We all do. You've always had feelings for the sweet girl who helped you so many years ago."
I instinctively growled. How he knew, I didn't stop to think about it. Doing so would make me angrier, a bad thing since murder was looking like a good idea at that moment. "Let's just get back to the point. Miku escaped, and you think that I have the best chance of reaching her without losing a limb or two. But I still don't understand why you would risk me getting out. You lost one guinea pig, so why take your chances with your last?"
"That, my dear Len, is a question with an incredibly easy answer." Leon leaned forward. "There is still a certain someone out there who is just as subjected to being my 'guinea pig' as you and Miku are." My heart began to sink; I knew where this was going. "Up until this point, I have ignored her. The truth is, she doesn't interest me so much – at least not compared to you two. However, don't think I'm above ripping her out of her daily life for the same purposes I have ripped you and Miku from yours."
Bolting to my feet, I slammed the palms of my hands onto the table and stood over Leon. "You so much as look at my sister, and I swear to God I will dismember you in the most painful ways known to mankind."
Despite my outburst, Leon didn't seem phased. "Sit down, Len." Reluctantly, I did as he ordered without a word. "We won't touch your precious sister as long as you agree with these terms." Leon set Miku's file down. "Go find Miku, and I don't know or care how, but bring her back. You will be given ten days to perform this errand. Show up late, without Miku, or not at all, and your sister will say goodbye to the life she knows for once and for all. Also, don't think to warn her. Remember that I said that she doesn't interest me as much as you or Miku. If she hides herself and becomes difficult to capture, just know that my men will be ordered to shoot on sight. I won't miss her, but you will."
"You're a monster," I mumbled quietly. If Leon heard me, he didn't let on. I didn't want to believe what was happening. I wanted to believe that I was having a nightmare and at any minute I would wake up. I wouldn't be held prisoner, Rin's life wouldn't be on the line, and – as much as I didn't want to admit it even to myself – Miku would be going on before Rin ever found her and Kaito's toxic relationship.
Rin may have caught on that I cared a little too much for Miku, but she was blind to just what exactly Miku was to me.
"So," Leon dragged, forcing my focus back towards him, "do we have a deal?"
I craved like a wild animal to punch him, kick him, and rip out his eyes – but not until I made him watch as everything he loved was destroyed beyond repair. He did this to me. To Rin. To Miku. Experiments, that's what we always were to him and his people. What Rin and I did was never a secret like we imagined it to be, and the promises I made to Miku in a dream long ago were not hidden. Leon knew everything, and it is why I hate him so much.
Straightening myself in my seat, I made direct eye contact and calmly gave my reply. "We have a deal."
One pure; one wicked.
One an angel; one a demon.
One love; one hate.
So was the boy and girl's relationship. She turned around and met him, something that never should have been done. For always and forever the two were never supposed to understand the other. Born together but to get along as strangers was to be their fate, but they rebelled against nature.
The girl was a monster for the boy, and the boy loved the girl with a heart he wasn't meant to have. Knowing the other destroyed them, but if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't choose any other way.
I didn't know where to find Miku. Ten days was an incredibly short time to hunt her down when I had absolutely zero leads to go on. What else could I do but search places she had previously been?
Day one I traveled to her old home. I spent hours there, hoping against hope that something, anything would lead me to Miku. All I discovered was that her parents hadn't heard from her since her initial disappearance. They didn't think much of their daughter's five-week absence; apparently, Miku had a habit of running away and communicating with nobody when she was in one of her moods.
The next two days revolved around my trying the clothing store in which she was employed, the college in which she studied, and the library in which she spent most of her weekends. It embarrasses me to admit I know a lot about Miku's former life. I was so infatuated with her that even those moments I knew the extent to be unhealthy. I feel like a stalker admitting these things. I wanted nothing more than her safety – I couldn't sleep if I didn't know her well-being.
I can see how you judge me, though you try to hide it. How could I have such strong feelings for her yet never bring myself to approach her since the first and last time we met? Easy. I lied to myself. I convinced myself that none of it happened. My extreme interest in her had to do with my slight obsession with human behavior. My guilt over my relationship with Gumi was rooted in the fact I hid what I was from her. My heartbreak when Miku and Kaito first got together wasn't heartbreak at all, just sadness that as a proclaimed Love Maker, I couldn't play any part in their break-up.
Ironically, it was that last thought that gave me the final clue I needed in locating Miku. I stood in front of the door and leaned against the railing as the warming air rushed past in a dancing wind. The apartment was on the third floor, facing the road. Not an amazing place to live, but still decent enough to be a home for those with small incomes.
"I didn't think I would ever see you again."
Turning around, I found crystal blue eyes meeting mine behind their glass frames. At first they were wide with surprise, but then they narrowed so fast that I question whether or not I imagined Miku's shock at running into me in front of Kaito's apartment.
Her turquoise hair had been cut, and I didn't know if it was done to her shortly after our capture or something she did herself when she escaped. She dressed in white jean shorts that stopped mid-thigh and an oversized, bright green T-shirt tied at the hem. Also leaning against the railing, Miku looked me over as if studying me, as if deciding if I was really there or just a figment of her imagination.
Not knowing how to reply to her, I simply stated, "I've been looking for you." It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth. Miku didn't answer me. She just stared, her thoughts a closely guarded secret. "I'm so sorry." The words came out of my mouth as no more than a whisper.
"You failed to protect me, even after you promised to." The words of accusation stung. What didn't hurt was that Miku said them, but that they were the truth.
"I know."
"You can't make up for the days that followed."
"I know."
"You have no right to be forgiven."
"I know."
Miku said nothing, her brows furrowed in frustration. She had probably hoped that I would disagree with her. If I didn't accept what she said, she could yell otherwise at me. An argument would have broken out, and that would have been what she wanted.
I didn't blame her. At that moment, I wanted an excuse to scream and shout, too. So much anger had built up in all that time for me as well, and I desperately needed an outlet to take it out on.
The words that fell out of my mouth then were ones I didn't want to speak, didn't want to believe. "We need to go back."
Stiffening, Miku growled, "I am not going back. You can't make me."
I could have. She had no training. How effortless it would have been to throw my heavier body into her smaller one. It wouldn't have taken an expert to realize that I excelled Miku in weight, strength, and what was on the line if we failed. It would have been nothing to tackle Miku and hold her down kicking and screaming. I could hit her if she fought too hard. Her hair, though now cut to her shoulders, was still long enough for me to drag her by if necessary. Regardless if she gave in or not, I had her. She could run, she could hide, but she could not fight. Bounded or not, she still didn't have a full grasp of her abilities.
Deciding to just be honest, I admitted, "They are threatening Rin. Either I take you back, or Rin is captured as well. They might kill her if they see fit. Please don't think this is a decision I find easy."
Miku snorted. "Of course you choose Rin. Everything you ever did for me was really all for her, and now that the decision is her or me, it's her. I . . . I can't say I'm surprised."
As I threw my hands up, I exclaimed, "You think I like this any more than you?! I have to go back, too. I have to continue that awful 'rehabilitation,' too. Nowhere in my oral contract will I be granted freedom if I return you. We both go back, or Rin suffers and we both live on the run." Narrowing my eyes, I added, "I'd rather choose the option that will end well for at least one of us."
Before Miku could answer, the apartment door opened. I cringed, but Miku didn't react. When Kaito and a brunette I remembered seeing before long ago walked out, I was surprised they didn't react to Miku and me standing just outside. Then I remembered that I was not in my physical form. I looked at Miku, surprised. If neither of the humans saw her, then Miku was also not in her physical form.
"How did you . . . ?" I trailed off, not knowing how to word my question. But Miku understood.
"Sometimes the nightmares got so bad I couldn't sleep." She crossed her arms and rubbed the flesh above her elbows. "What else to do in nights filled with insomnia other than practice what you didn't know you were capable of doing?"
I didn't reply, and Miku turned her attention to the couple descending the stairs. She followed after them, and I her. Whoever this new girl was, Kaito seemed happy with her. Without asking, I knew Miku was wondering why a jerk like him got to be happy why she's been miserable all this time.
I don't know what Kaito and this girl talked about. I was so focused on Miku, it didn't occur to me to try to understand this new relationship. Who brought these two together? Did the Love Maker know of Kaito's previous abusive nature? What about the girl? Was she all right? Did Kaito make a turn for the better? I hoped so, for her sake.
"Hey, Len," Miku said long after we stopped outside of a burger joint. Kaito and his girlfriend went in, but Miku and I stayed out in the spring air. When I didn't respond, Miku continued, "I'll make you a deal."
Shifting uneasily where I stood, I asked, "What kind of deal?"
"A mixture between a competition and a bargain. A game really," Miku answered. "Let's break Kaito and Meiko up."
My eyebrows shot to the top of my forehead. "What?!"
Without acknowledging my surprise, Miku stepped forward as she kept her eyes locked on the window. She looked in at the couple. What was running through her head, I could never guess. "I want my revenge," Miku explained. "I want to make Kaito's life as awful as he made mine, or at least as awful as I can make it. I had spent the past few days thinking that Meiko, his new girlfriend, will be the excellent tool to do so."
"Miku," I took a step forward, "we don't have power over free will. You can't make Meiko do anything she doesn't want to do."
"No," Miku agreed, "but I can convince her to want to do the things I want her to do." Tearing her eyes away from the window, Miku said, "I don't want to go back, but if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I don't want anyone to die for my sake either. So, I propose play this game."
"Do I really want to know what kind of game this is?"
"Of course you do. How else would you know how to play?" Miku smiled softly, but it was clearly forced. "I side with Meiko, and you side with Kaito. The goal is to make the other hate who we're sided with – for example, my goal is to get Kaito to hate Meiko because of the way she treats him and talks to him. First person to make the other hate your side wins. If you win, I'll go back with you. No fighting, tears, or attempts at escape. I will join you willingly." Then she looked away. "But if I win, I get to go free. You can't come after me again, or I will kill myself. Don't think I won't take such extreme measures to avoid capture. I know I'm wanted alive, so my death will neither benefit you nor them. Just me. I don't want to die, but I'd choose that over going back if I have to." Again, she made eye contact. "I'll be fair if you win, but if I win, don't force me to death. I will do it."
I didn't question her. Miku would kill herself if she felt it necessary, and I knew it. She knew I knew it.
Turning my attention to Kaito and Meiko, I saw them enjoying themselves together. Eating burgers and drinking milkshakes like they had nothing to worry about. Truly, they had nothing to worry about. Well, nothing save Miku and me.
Miku meant what she said. All I had to do was get Meiko to hate Kaito without influencing Meiko's heart, and Miku would come with me. I didn't have to fight her, and Rin didn't have to suffer. The potential prize was enough. I didn't care for the humans I would hurt in the process. Honestly, they looked more like outlets for me to pour my frustration than they did people. I had so much to get out, and I saw a good reason to take it out on them. Besides, I told myself, this is ultimately for Rin's benefit. I would do anything for her, even become what she spent her whole life protecting me from becoming.
Eyes locked with Miku's, I gave her my answer with a question. "When do we start?"
