Guinan was a Listener.

That was a good thing to be. She heard a lot of things—some that she wasn't supposed to, some that no one was supposed to, but somehow she didn't count, and others that just needed to be said, no matter who heard them.

But she also heard a lot that didn't need to be said.

"Did I ever tell you," said Q, who was sitting at her bar for reasons known to him, "about the time I sparked the evolution of three sentient races on the same planet at the same time?"

"No," said Guinan. "But I'm sure you won't let that stop you."

"I did," said Q. "Not one of them made it past the 50,000 year mark. Such an epic set of sibling rivalry couldn't take the discovery of nuclear weapons."

Guinan just looked at him across the bar. "Sounds like a couple of deities I've known. And not the nice ones."

"Of course," said Q. "Why aim for a reputation as 'nice' when you can be 'all-powerful'?"

Guinan shook her head and poured herself a drink.

"And then there was the time I created my own universe in a teacup," said Q. "That was to win a bet."

Guinan raised her eyebrows. "I hadn't taken you for the gambling sort."

Q snorted. "Who would wager against me?"

"I couldn't hazard a guess."

"Only someone who wasn't familiar with me, obviously. Why, this one time—"

"You know," Guinan interrupted, "I'll make you a bet."

Q stopped and raised his eyebrows. "Oh?" he said. "This is a surprise. And what is it you think I can't do?" He raised a hand, ready to snap his fingers at will.

"What I bet you can't do," said Guinan, folding her hands, elbows on the counter, "is hold a conversation for five minutes without referencing yourself."

Q blinked at her, and then folded his arms. "And if I win?"

"Free drink."

Q snapped his fingers and a martini glass appeared in his hand.

"And the satisfaction of having proved me wrong."

Q frowned, and the glass disappeared from his hand.

"And what, pray tell, would you want to talk about that isn't me?"

Guinan shrugged. "You're more than welcome to choose the topic. Tell me about the things you've seen and the people you've met and the complexities of the universe. Just don't reference yourself. And no editing reality if you slip up." She tapped the side of her head. "I'll know."

Q frowned for a long moment, and Guinan took the opportunity to pull a stopwatch from beneath the counter.

"You're prepared."

Guinan smiled. "You'd be surprised how often it comes in handy."

Q made a face that was halfway between a scowl and a smirk, and Guinan set the timer for five minutes and started it.

"So," she said. "What would you like to talk about?"

"Have you ever heard," Q started, "about the physics of liquid space?"


In the end, Q made it to three minutes and fifty-eight seconds, at which point they were interrupted by a red alert.

"Oh dear," said Q. "Well, duty calls." His outfit changed into a starfleet uniform and stood up.

Guinan shook her head. "Causing a distraction is cheating," she said.

"You never said that," said Q, and with a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

Guinan straightened up and poured herself another glass of synthehol, and as she brought it to her lips, she smiled.

That was one way to get rid of a Talker.