Note: Based on season 4 episode 10, Heaven and Hell. A slightly different take on Dean's reaction to Alistair. Spoilers!

Disclaimer: Supernatural characters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.


Dean Winchester is saved.

Those were the words ringing in his ears as he flew through the stain glass window of the empty church. Dean's heart was racing as he hit the tarmac below him, his shoulder popping out of his socket. Quickly rushing to his feet Dean grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged him to the Impala. Both of them were torn up bad and Dean prayed they make it away.

Back at the motel the boys did the best they could to fix themselves up. Sam was sowing his arm up as Dean washed blood from his mouth. Staring into the bathroom mirror Dean couldnt help but think about who they had met in the church. They had found the girl Anna that everyone, demons and angels alike, where so anxious to have. Dean Winchester is saved.Hearing those words come out of Anna's mouth had sent a chill down his spine. Words he heard in his own mind that day he rose from Hell. Worst of all was the appearance of the one being he had never wanted to see again. Alistair. Even the thought of him made Dean break out in a cold sweat. Glancing back at Sam on the bed Dean could tell that the inevitable was coming. He knew nothing stayed secret forever and his time down in hell was so close to being discovered.

Hell had been unimaginable from the get go. So horrendously painful Dean couldn't help but think about it every minute of every day. Sometimes when he looked at Sam he felt the floor fall away from him and he was back there reliving it all over again. You see Alistair knows Dean very well. Knows exactly how he thinks and what will get to him. That's why in hell Alistair would wear Sam's face when he came to visit Dean in the pit. At first Dean thought he was being saved, that Sammy had finally found him. Up until Sam/Alistair would start cutting into him bit by bit. The physical pain was nothing compared to the psychological trauma of seeing the one person you loved most in the world taking enjoyment from your torture. Later the Sam/Alistair thing would slowly and lovingly put him back together. Sam's hard hands holding Dean like he was the only thing important in the world, his questing lips caressing every wound, healing every hurt. It broke Dean's heart because he knew it wouldn't last, knew it wasn't real. Every fantasy Dean had ever had about Sam, every secret thought he would linger over at night would come to life in the dark, twisted depths of hell and then they were blown to pieces the minute Dean would feel hope. In hell Dean had experienced everything he had ever wanted in life and then Alistair had taken it away from him. And now he was back. Dean also knows Alistair very well. Fourty years in the pit will do that. Dean knows the time to come clean about what happened down there is fast approaching and there was nothing he could do so save himself. Nothing he could do to save Sammy. Dean would give anything to be back in the pit right now then having to confront the shame and judgement on Sam's face. For the first time in his life and even in his death, Dean truly felt doomed.


This is my first story and it was kinda rushed because if I didnt put it up now I never would have. I welcome reveiws but be gentle:) Sorry for any mistakes. I tweaked a bit also if you have already read this story. Not by much though so dont worry.