Authors Note: Hey guys! I hope you all enjoy this new story! I've worked really hard on it. Tell me what you think and please enjoy!
How did I get here?
So I'm sitting here, alone, in the bedroom that we used to share in our tiny, cramped apartment. The tiny part doesn't bother me, it's the alone part. In fact, I never told Mello this, but I've always secretly loved this apartment. He always complained about how small it was, but I always thought it was the perfect size to fit just the two of us. Plus, it's the first place Mello and I owned together, which gave it more sentimental value.
Oh, God, I miss him.
But, the point is, I had loved this apartment. Now I hate it. It holds too many memories, so many reminders of my blonde-haired angel. There was the numerous chocolate wrappers scattered around the empty apartment that I hadn't managed to clean yet, the video game systems he had bought for me (which, there were a lot, considering he always complained about how much I played them), and the holes and cracks punched into the wall during all of Mello's mad fits of rage. Too many memories, all too hard to take.
Wow. I even miss his anger.
Dang it! I shouldn't have listened to him! I shouldn't have wore that stupid bullet-proof vest! I should have died along with him!
I don't even know why I'm writing all of this down. I know no one will read it.
Maybe it's to keep my sanity. These emotions keep building up inside of me, and, if I don't find a way to get rid of them, I think I'll go crazy. So, I'll write down my life story, all of my memories with Mello, so they're down on paper instead of stuck in my head.
So here's what happened: Mello, being the obsessive, competitive perfectionist he is-sorry, was, he came up with a plan to capture Kira by kidnapping his spokesperson, ultimately accomplishing his goal of defeating Near.
Why had beating Near been so important to him anyway? Had it really been worth his life?
Of course not.
Mello had told me I needed to be the distraction, so that when he took Takada, the police would be chasing me, not him. I know that may sound selfish of him, but it's not. The guards that went after him were a lot tougher and more dedicated than the police that hunted me, so, really, he was in more danger than me. I knew from the start that he was more likely to die.
"No," I immediately declined. "If we're going to go through with this, I want to be right next to you during it."
"Matt, you can't be with me," He argued. "If you don't do your part, the plan won't work."
So, of course, I agreed. After all, I couldn't disappoint Mello. I knew how much it meant to him, and I could never disobey him. Never have. But, now, I wish I would have been more persistent. I should have insisted that we had to do it together, or not at all.
Or maybe that wouldn't have mattered. I mean, really, what would having me with him have changed? Could I have stopped what happened? Probably not. So why do I feel so guilty about it?
"It will be fine," Mello promised. "I have Hal helping, too. Nothing bad will happen."
"Then why am I wearing this vest?" I asked stiffly.
"So nothing bad will happen." He reiterated, emphasizing his point with a kiss on my forehead.
"What about you?" I whispered, my voice cracking with sudden fear.
"I'll be fine," Mello promised. "Stop worrying so much."
But I did, and I had a right to.
The most difficult moment was when we had to leave for our separate missions. I knew, in the back of my mind, that it would be the last time I ever saw Mello. I knew he knew it too, because before he left he wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly. Gently, he whispered, "I love you, Mail Jeevas."
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I didn't make an attempt to hide them from Mello because I knew they were safely hidden behind my green-tinted goggles. It wouldn't matter if they hadn't been, anyway, because, at the moment, I didn't care how weak I seemed, I just wanted Mello to forget the crazy mission.
"I love you, too, Mihael Keehl." I whispered back.
After he pulled back, his arms still wrapped around me, he surprised me with a sudden kiss. It was long and passionate and during those few moments, I never wanted to let go. I wished more than anything that I could have frozen that moment forever, just the two of us, as the rest of the world melted away. I didn't have to worry about the problems of our past, Kira, or Takada. All that mattered at that moment was Mello and I.
Abruptly, Mello pulled back. He stared longingly at me for a few moments while I silently begged him not to continue with the plan. I knew it was no good, though, because once Mello had his mind set on something, there was no changing it.
Hesitantly, Mello let go of me completely, telling me one more time that it was going to be okay before starting up his motorcycle and racing towards his death.
As I watched his back grow smaller and smaller, I thought over his words. "It's going to be okay"? I sighed sadly. "You're such a liar." I mumbled to myself, the words falling flat on my lips.
So I followed through with plan, just going through the motions, my body stuck on Earth but my mind lost in another place, a place where Mello and I could just be together, without the stresses of our extraordinary lives.
I shot a smoke bomb to create a veil of smoke around the area while Mello took Takada, and I drove off, the police starting after me. I dodged them for awhile, but was eventually cornered. I willingly exited my car, my hands up in surrender. I had already known it was going to end like this.
It was only once I was outside that I realized how many police cars there actually were. At least twenty-five.
And yet, despite the amount of police, or the fact that I was probably going to die, only one thought was running through my mind: Did I give Mello enough time? That was the only thing I cared about. This was all for him, after all.
And then another thought struck me: Mello was probably already dead.
"Since when were the Japanese allowed to carry such big guns?" I taunted, prodding them to shoot. "Okay, I admit it. I had something to do with this whole kidnapping thing. That means you'll have a lot of questions to ask me," I could see them readying their guns. I smirked. At least I would get to die with the one I loved."You won't shoot."
Suddenly, bullets rang out from all sides I was hit multiple times before I collapsed, hunched up next to my car. I allowed my limp cigarette fall from my lips, crashing onto my blood-soaked jacket. My vision went black before I passed out, and I allowed myself to slip into a pleasant place where I wasn't there, sorrounded by police, but with Mello. It didn't matter where we were at, just as long as we were together. I ignored the liquid that I knew was blood seeping down my skin, because I didn't want my last thoughts focused on something so gruesome, I wanted them focused on him.
And, as I slipped into unconsciousness, I knew I could die happily, because the last image that ran through my mind was Mello and I locked in a kiss.
When I woke up, I was laying down in a surprisingly comfortable bed, staring at white walls. For a second I wondered if I was in heaven, but quickly scratched that thought because I knew someone like me could never get into heaven.
I tried to twist my head to study my surroundings, but found it painfully difficult. It didn't matter anyway, because I realized exactly where I was once a nursed walked into the room.
"Are you feeling all right?" She questioned.
"What happened?" I demanded, not bothering to sound polite.
"The police were forced to shoot you when you resisted arrest after taking part in the kidnapping of Miss Takada." She explained.
It took all my energy not to roll my eyes at her. They had been forced? As if. I had come out of my car, without a weapon, with my hands above my head. They had no reason to shoot me. They did it because it would make it easier on them. They could just kill me instead of going through the whole legal process of actually arresting me.
"Well they obviously didn't do a good job at it," I snapped. "I'm still alive, aren't I?" The nurse's expression turned to shock at my words. Of course she would be surprised. I had gotten upset about the police not killing me.
Suddenly, a thought popped into my head.
"And what about the man who kidnapped her?" I questioned, holding onto a string of hope. "Is he…?"
"Dead," The woman answered, instantly cutting the last thread of that string. "His body was found charred in a burnt church, but the cause of death seems to be a heart attack."
I stared blankly ahead. There was no denying it after that, he was gone. But I refused to cry there. There's only one person who has ever seen me cry, and that was Mello, and I wasn't going to disrespect him by letting a complete stranger see me at my weakest.
The nurse shifted uncomfortably by the bed, waiting for me to speak again. I could tell she was nervous about being in the same room as a criminal. It almost made me laugh. She was scared of me? She must have lived a very sheltered life. She hadn't seen half of the things I had. I wasn't even the one who even did the kidnapping. That was Mello.
I miss that idiot so bad.
"What are you still doing here?" I growled at the innocent woman. She gave a nervous apology before gratefully scattering out of the room.
That night, I forced myself out of bed, although the pain was almost unbearable. I knew I had to get out of there before the police arrested me.
I forced the window open, easily picking the lock, and let myself drop the two stories to the ground. I grabbed my side as a rush of pain shot through my body. For the first time, I allowed myself to examine the wounds.
I had many bruises scattered around my stomach and chest, but a few of the wounds went deeper than that. Those were the ones that had been bleeding. The deepest one was the one on the side. It had opened up again after the fall.
I suppose the injuries would have been a lot worse if not for the bullet-proof vest, but at the moment I didn't care. I had been focused on finding my way home, even though I could barely concentrate on anything. My mind was too clouded with thoughts of Mello.
I wandered down the cold street that led to our…my apartment. The fact that I was alone made it even colder. Finally, I made it to the building and up the elevator to the right room. The whole time, no one questioned me, as if it was completely normal to see a man bleeding to death from a bullet wound, which, truthfully, in this area, it wasn't all that abnormal.
As soon as I took the first step inside, I collapsed on the tattered couch and cried. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It's not fair. Sometimes it just seems like life is a one big, sick joke.
So that's how I got to where I am right now, sitting at this desk, wasting my time writing while I bleed. I suppose I should fix that up. Writing all of this down on paper did help me sort my thoughts and clear my head, and now I realize that I can't let myself die so easily. I have to keep fighting to defeat Kira and beat Near. I'll kill Kira like he killed Mello, and I will never let Near win. Mello deserved to be number one, not him.
So I need to clean up this wound and this apartment. I can't take seeing another reminder of Mello.
God, this place seems so empty without him.
