Times change. People change. Very often, they do so with no warning, and at a complete disregard to people's feelings. In my experience, this is most often true of goodbyes. To people, or places, or to times, you never expect it. When you think it's over, it never is. It's not until fate has shaken your hand and lulled you into a false sense of security that the bastard turns around and stabs you in the back.
I never, ever see it coming, but it's always the same.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that my last words to Sirius Black were, 'Okay, Baby- see you tomorrow."
And that was it. See you tomorrow. Those are such casual words. There was no 'I love you'- sure, I'd said it before, but it would have been nice to be able to look back on that as a romantic and tragic moment. I called him 'Baby', which is some small consolation, but the fact remains that I was utterly clueless.
We'd been to a party earlier, and I thought maybe he was drunk, because it didn't seem that odd. He was laughing hysterically, and his eyes looked wrong, somehow, but he looked straight at me and said, "Rommy. Germany!"
And that was it. Germany was our word. Hardly a code, but very important. We'd vacationed in Germany once, and we found this little cottage… somehow, we fell in love with it. We said if we would ever be the settling down types, that would be the place for us. I'd done some lovely designs for it, and we'd turned the little cottage into a dream. Of course, the thing about dreams is, they have to be rare. If you lived in your sleep and dreamed all day, then it would be living that would have all the romantic connotations. We wouldn't let our cottage be de-romanticized, so we made a deal. We would go there, only for the most romantic things. If we wanted an insane weekend getaway, we'd go to the cottage. If we wanted to hide away, just we two, you and me against the world, that would be our fortress. If we someday decided to get married, we would have our honeymoon here. And if, oh, if we were in danger, the cottage would be our hideout.
There was one more oath, and not a day goes by that I don't regret it: If he was in danger, I would go to Germany, and I would stay there until it was safe.
We swore.
We swore an unbreakable vow.
So, that night, he came into my house without knocking, kissed me hard and said 'Germany', and I really thought he was drunk. But Sirius and I did crazy things sometimes, and if he wanted to go on a rum-induced vacation in Salzburg, that wasn't the strangest. Maybe I was drunk, too, I don't know, because I said yes. I kissed him, packed my overnight bag, and tossed some flue powder. I smiled in his general direction, and it was all very casual, and I said, "Okay, Baby- see you tomorrow."
I didn't really wonder when he didn't arrive when he should have, but spent my time preparing for all the grand times we would have, and fantasizing about what madness he had in mind for the holiday, and how long it would be.
It's very hard for an English witch to get news promptly in German speaking country. True, I can communicate with other wolves at the full moon, but wolves are not known for their metropolitan knowledge. But news I did get. James and Lily Potter are dead, killed by He Who Must Not Be Named, himself. Succeeded by their infant son, Harry- the boy who lived.
Betrayed by their best friend, Sirius Black.
I could not and would not believe it. There was a mistake, a mistake of the most horrible kind possible. Lily, my best friend… and James… and, oh, my love. Oh, Sirius.
I
wanted to go home, had to- but I soon discovered that my vow did not
allow me to leave Germany, or even, in fact, go further than a few
miles from the cottage.
I didn't know what to do, so I did all
that I could: I waited. I waited for years, years, and long
years. I heard that Sirius Black had escaped from prison, and still
the vow- the curse- would not let me leave. Finally, the news reached
me; Sirius Black was proven innocent.
And he was dead.
Fourteen years, and all I had to show for it was 'see you tomorrow'.
So I go on living. I'm not sure how, but I do. I've never been precisely religious, and I'm still not sure what I believe. But now my entire life is bent around a need to believe that this fleeting existence is not all.
That I will see him again. Until then, I go on. Then, Sirius, wherever you are, if you can hear me…
I love you- and I'll see you tomorrow.
