Me: Yo people! I haven't updated in a while, so... Yeah. Here's an update on my series. Today, I will be doing the teaching myself!
Demise: *in pink teddy bear pajamas* Oh boy, someone's gonna end up dead.
Link: Are you even allowed to do that? I thought we were supposed to teach.
Me: Shut up! This is my fic and this is how I wanna do it!
Zelda: *sigh* What are you gonna teach us, Joe?
Me: Funny you ask, Zelda. You're gonna be part of it...*wicked grin*
Zelda: *threatening glare*
Me: today, I will be teaching the audience ways to annoy/torture Zelda!
Zelda: *death glare*
Demise: Like i said, someone's gonna die here today. I just know it. *sips coffee from "#1 Master" mug*
1.) Using the Barrels.
Me: Zelda loves to watch Pewdiepie and his videos on YouTube. This means that she HATES barrels.
Zelda: BARRELS?! *hides behind fort made entirely out of fluffy pillows*
Me: All right everyone! Ready the Barrels!
Everyone including Pewdiepie: *have catapults loaded with barrels filled with more barrels* Barrels ready!
Me: *pulls out Barrel Launcher 9001* FIRE!
Everyone: *fires barrels at Zelda's pillow fort*
Zelda: *sees Pewdiepie* OMG PEWDIE! I AM YOUR BIGGEST FA- *sees barrels flying at her fort* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! *hides in fort*
*barrels destroy fort*
Zelda: *now surrounded by barrels* *rocks self in corner and sucks thumb in fear*
2.) Peatrice
Me: Zelda has always hated Peatrice (the Item Check girl in the Bazaar) ever since she found out about the Gratitude Crystal Link received from her in the game.
Link: Speaking of Zelda and Peatrice, where are they?
Me: as I was saying, Zelda hates Peatrice, and Peatrice feels the same way. But you stick them together and-
Zelda: *bursts into room, dragging Peatrice along with her, with Zelda's right hand super-glued to Peatrice's left hand*
Link: Really, Joe? REALLY?
Zelda: *steam blows out from ears in anger* JOE! GIVE ME THE SOLVENT!
Peatrice: Please. Just give her the solvent so I can get away from her!
Me: Whoops! *throws solvent into the fireplace* :)
Zelda and Peatrice: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Pikachu: Pika-CHUUUUUUUUU! *uses thunderbolt on Zelda and Peatrice an KOs them both*
Me: Good Pikachu! *Throws a PokeBiscuit* Now go get it!
Pikachu: *barks like a dog and runs after it*
Karane: Will these two be okay?
Me: Ah, don't worry! I'm sure they'll be fine! As soon as I apply the solvent- oh... right.
Groose: so this episode has now turned into a how to annoy/torture Zelda AND Peatrice episode?
Me: No, Peatrice is just gonna get dragged along for the ride now.
Pikachu: *comes back* Pika- pikachu. (We really should continue the story)
Me: *is the only one who can understand Pikachu* Yeah. We should.
*11 minutes later*
3.) Justin Bieber
Me: Zelda is a HUGE Justin Bieber fan.
Link: FYI; Peatrice HATES Justin Bieber.
*"Baby " plays from Zelda's room*
Me: ...Which is why we shall destroy Zelda's Justin Beiber CD.
Ghirahim: We? You mean YOU are going to destroy her Justin Bieber CD? I'm not going in there.
Demise: Me neither.
Link: Nope.
Groose: I wouldn't go in there even if I was suicidal.
Karane: I'm staying here.
Me: *sigh* Have to do everything myself. *takes out one of Link's bombs*
Link: hey! That's mine!
Me: *walks into Zelda's room*
Zelda: *singing along to the song and doesn't notice me*
Peatrice: *trying to sleep*
Me: *lights the bomb and throws it at the music stereo*
BOOM! *stereo is destroyed*
Zelda and Peatrice: !
Me: Oh f*ck! *runs*
Zelda: I PAYED 200 RUPEES FOR THAT CD! :U *chases*
Peatrice: *is dragged along*
*Benny Hills theme plays as I am chased*
Link: *watches* Demise, where's the popcorn?
Demise: Almost done. *holds insanely large bag of popping popcorn over his flaming head* ... There. Done.
Everyone but me, Zelda, and Peatrice: *eats the popcorn*
Me: *has black eye, scratched up face, an arrow in my knee, and a dagger through my throat* Ok, I think that's all I got for today...
Link: Ha! Demise was wrong! He said someone was gonna die today, but everyone li- *crushed by a bunch of rubber duckies*
Demise: I KNEW IT! SOMEONE DIED! :D
Hylia: *facepalm*
Me: *falls to ground* MEDIC! MEDIC! MEEEEEEDIIIIIIIIC!
Ghirahim: WE GOT A MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN! MAN DOOOOWN! GRENADE! *has no grenades*
Demise: Ghirahim, you don't have any grenades.
Ghirahim: *throws Mine Turtle instead*
Mine Turtle: Hello! *boom*
Me: *sent flying away*
THE END
