"K.J….K.J…come on now….wake up!" A warm, firm hand closed around my own, arousing me from a light sleep. Even though my vision was blurred and groggy, I knew in an instant it was Michael. The new sunlight just barely penetrating through my window smoothed his features in its golden light, almost making him look unreal. What a wonderful thing to wake up to, I thought to myself. Crouching down next to my bed, his blue eyes, that seemed so deep you could drown in their warm stare, sparkled contently, and made me wish I had woken up sooner just so I could've to looked into them for a second longer. "She lives!", he laughs to me, and flashes a large, white smile. I couldn't help but smile back. Of course I loved that he had been the first thing I saw that morning, but it didn't hide the fact that it was unusually early for him to be up. His behavior also tempted my curiosity, running his hand almost nervously through his softly spiked black hair, and not making eye contact with me for to long. Instead, he seemed focused intently on something right next to him on the floor. Peeking over his broad shoulders, my heart sunk when I discovered what it was; a large duffle bag, jammed packed with clothes.
No…..no ,no, no….he can't be leaving…..not now! Confusion and panic morphed together into a tight lump in my dry throat. Stay calm, I reminded myself. Try to act casual, as if you didn't hear mom and dad screaming and arguing about him having to leave last night.. "Why are you up so early?", I asked in what ended up being a shaky, child like voice. Fail, K.J. Failure. Slowly, Michael tore his eyes away from the bag, and fixed my own worried gaze with an almost….sympathetic look? It wasn't long until the threat of tears burned against my eyes, and I quickly tried to blink them away, frustrated for not being strong. Michael's steady hand, still locked onto mine, gave it a reassuring squeeze as he let out a long sigh as if it were truly painful for him to talk. "K.J., …I came to say goodbye." His voice was so clear and matter-of-factly that it sounded as though he had rehearsed it in front of a mirror. Even though his facial expression was an emotionless, blank look, his eyes leaked his heart's secrets. My hand trembled beneath his, infected with a storm of emotions rampaging through my veins. Trying to quickly mend the broken pieces of my sanity, it didn't even sound like me when I choked out in a thick voice, "Where are you going?" The ugly question caused Michael's mask to break from its stiffness only slightly, but made his eyes plead with me to understand why he must leave. Almost like he was trying to explain algebra to a three year old, he slowly answered, "Military school, K.J. They've offered me a scholarship, and I have the papers ready and signed. The bus should be here in a minute to pick me up."
Military school…military school….military school….bus in a minute…. It seemed impossible for my brain to string the sentences together.
My entire body was shaking now, vibrating really like a cell phone, trying to deny the coldhearted truth that was dragging me into a down spiral. Peering tearfully into his vibrant eyes again, I peeled back every layer trying to find out what he was thinking. I knew it was selfish of me to not want him to go, and stay here suffering in hopelessness. It was always Michael's dream to be in the military. After all, it was the best excuse to get away from dad when he turned eighteen. They never did see eye to eye…. All the nights he spent lying awake staring at his bedroom door, waiting for the slumped shadow of the drunken man to burst inside, eyes dark and mean, ready to let his steel fists fly at even the smallest sound of fear was enough to make anyone want to run as far away from this hell as possible. Finally abandoning his emotionless mask, Michael pulled me in to a tight hug, squeezing me so hard, it was as if he was afraid that I would fall through his fingers like sand. His carved muscles held me securely as he whispered in to my ear, "I promise everything is going to be ok. When the holidays come, I'll be able to come and see you. We'll have a snowball fight so big, Ms. Frizz will have to call the cops again." My shocked senses eased into a small smile, remembering when Ms. Frizz came running down her doorstep last year, waving a rolling pin around her huge frizzy red mass of hair screaming, " You damn, kids! Get away from my lawn!" We never knew her real name, but since we caught sight of that red monster eating her head, we felt Ms. Frizz was an appropriate name.
I yearned for some way to go back to that day, and spend an eternity there, never having to worry about facing this heartbreaking morning. Breathing deeply, I hugged him back, squeezing him with all my pain and clinging onto what might be the very last seconds I would ever spend with him." I love you, Michael.", I whispered into his ear, hoping that he understood I wanted it to mean so much more. Barely a second latter though, the sound of a bus' breaks screeching broke the delicate moment. Regrettably prying me from his arms and giving me one last sympathetic look, he then dashed out of the room, duffle bag and all, leaving me in solitary silence. Paralyzed by the reality of what had just happened, my brain seemed to have slowed down time to a frame-by-frame speed. ….. and it only took me a second to realize that I wasn't going to let the best thing in my life leave just yet. Flying out from under the covers as if I were on fire, I sprinted down the stairs two at a time, desperately trying to catch up to the quickly fading sight of my brother by the doorway. When I reached the bottom of the incessantly long staircase, the unmistakable click of a door closing left me full out racing to the threshold, and ripping open the oak door to see Michael walk onto a bus. It almost seemed he was in a hurry to leave. I couldn't bear the sight…my weak defense against the fiery tears burning against my eyes finally gave. Wanting him not to leave, to stay with wake and me me up every morning with his light voice, to push me on the tire swing out in the backyard, to race against him in our own makeshift obstacle courses….I ran. I ran for his life and mine.
Everything was gone except the quickly disappearing image of the yellow bus ahead of me, taking away the only thing I believed in. Tears as hot as the summer tar beneath me streamed down my face. "Michael!", I screamed through my curtain of pain. "Michael!", I screamed again as I rounded our street corner still trying to catch up to the accelerating speed of the bus. My small bare feet beat against the street, causing them to go numb and bleed in little cracks, but I could've cared less. When the edge of the neighborhood came into view though, a strong arm encircled around my waist, keeping me from going any farther. "Michael!", I screamed louder than ever begging for the bus to turn around. Fiercely, I struggled against my restraint to be free, only causing the arm to suffocate me tighter and squeeze all the air out of my pounding chest. "Michael!", I screamed louder than ever begging for the bus to turn around. "He's gone! He's not coming back!" yelled the gruff voice of my annoyed father. I faintly heard him though. My mind was only focused on chasing after that bus right down to the school. With heavy sobs racking my body, I finally fell limp over my father's forearm when the yellow bandit was just a tiny dot, far out of my reach. "It's alright, K.J.", my father said in an uncharacteristically soothing voice as I crumpled into a heap on the black street. I clawed at the tar, wanting to grip onto something incase I floated away. He's gone, he's not coming back….not coming back…not coming back… Unable to hold it in any longer, I screamed like I was dying into the rocky street, because in a way, I was .My blood coursed like lava as I let out another shriek of agony that ripped at my heart. The only thing that kept me alive had left without any warning or any definite answer I would ever see him again. If only I had been fast enough…..if I could've talked him out of leaving….. A throbbing pain seeped into my forehead, making everything sway from side to side. The air was still thick with the angry energy from my screams, closing in above me, burying me alive in its evil. Maybe if I just stayed here… he would come back. My eyes blurred with hot tears of hate and injustice as I completely gave in to the tired feeling of insanity, allowing my burning eyes to rest in the cool shade of my eyelids. Vaguely do I remember my dad carrying me back home…..away…from the only part of me that was still together….and I still had hope for.
