I Just Wanted to Try
Summary: I knew he didn't hear me. I knew he'd make you happy. I knew he was the one you truly love. I knew I wasn't enough. I knew it would be the end of me as soon as I turn and walk away from your life forever. I just wanted to try.
Don't own anything. Except Aoki Jun XD
AU-ish. Just made Aomine and Kise schoolmates.
"Aominecchi!" I shouted. The tan man turned as he heard my voice. "Kise." He replied.
"Aominecchi, you meanie!" I punched him on the arm and pouted. "You said we'd go home together!"
"Ah, gomen," He apologized. "I was talking to Tetsu on the pho—" Aominecchi stopped. "Sorry." He mumbled.
I stared at the man. Since middle school, I've been harboring these feelings for Aominecchi. It wasn't weird to find yourself falling for a person you admire. But, it's weird if you fell for another man.
"Um, I know you'd do anything for Kurokocchi. Too bad he's with Kagamicchi." I said. I knew that my words hurt him, his words did too.
"Hey, why so silent?" I joked. Being a model surely was advantageous. I can naturally fake a smile, which kinda makes me an expert on hiding emotions on my face. Aominecchi smiled and continued to walk while I followed him.
Both of us knew. I knew he loves Kurokocchi and he knew that I love him. Maybe that's the reason why he refrains from talking about Kurokocchi when he's with me. I find it cute whenever he organizes his thoughts first before bringing up a topic, making sure that we won't end up talking about Kurokocchi. I was lost in thoughts until Aominecchi pulled me.
"What are you spacing around for?" He asked. "The light's green. Come on." He said as he pulled my arm as we crossed the street and walked into a park. Just a few more inches, you'd be holding my hand.
"Anyway," Aominecchi started as he releases my hands. "What are you spacing out for?" He asked.
I looked at him. "O—Oh. Gomen. It's nothing." I replied.
"As I was saying earlier, are you free tomorrow afternoon?" He asked.
I stopped on my tracks. A blush slowly crept on my face. I shook my head, wishing for the redness to stop. He's just asking if I'm free! Baka, Ryouta. DON'T BLUSH DAMNIT!
I was panicking. Aominecchi never asks me out. He was a few feet far when he noticed that I stopped. He turned and walked towards me. He suddenly punched my head.
"Ow!" I cried, rubbing my head.
"Don't just stop!" Aominecchi blushed. "I kept on talking while you stopped here! I looked weird!" He shouted. "I even asked you something… important."
"Ah! Gomen. It's also your fault for not noticing me stopping." I said, poking my tongue out. "So, what are you going to ask?"
Aomine blushed. "Anou… Would you like to try…" He paused then he looked at me.
"Aominecchi?" I asked. He cupped my face. There weren't anyone around, since it was already dark.
"Call me Daiki, Ryouta." He said as he lessened the spaces between our faces. (Hey, it rhymes! Lol. Don't mind me…)
My eyes widened, instinctively, I pushed Aominecchi. "Wait!" I shouted. "This is going waaaaaaaay too fast."
Aomine smirked, he was ready to playfully smack me. "Why, you—"
"Kise-kun… Aomine-kun…"
I stiffened. I saw the immediate change in Aominecchi's face. It lit up as soon as he heard the voice, but soon frowned. Kurokocchi looked like he was crying. I looked at Aominecchi and tried to grab his arm. I wanted him to know that I was still there. When I tried to grab his arm, my eyes widened as he slowly pushed my hand away. It hurt.
"Ah, Kurokocchi." I tried to smile. Tried.
Shit. I inwardly cursed. I did say that I can mask my emotions perfectly, but I can't stop them. I heard my voice shake and tears started to form on my eyes. I turned and rubbed my eyes.
"Ow…" I tried to act as if something went into my eye. "Something… Gomen," I turned, still rubbing my eyes. "Something went inside my eye."
They seemed to buy it. I waited for Aominecchi to ask me if I'm okay but it never came. I sighed. I patted Aominecchi's back and looked at Kurokocchi.
"I have to go. It's already late." I said.
"Wait. I'll come with you." Aominecchi stated.
"No," I shook my head. "It's okay. Talk to Kurokocchi first. He looks like he needs company." I smiled. This time, it was perfect.
"O—Okay." He answered. "Take care then. I'll call you later." He said as he patted my shoulder.
I turned. As soon as I was out of their sight, tears immediately fell from my eyes. "Baka Ryouta," I said to myself. "You know he loves Kurokocchi more than anyone." I stopped at my tracks. The event before the disruption of Kurokocchi played in my mind. His actions were as if… as if he was asking me out. Hope lit inside of me. "Maybe he likes me, even for a bit." That thought drove all of my sadness away. I couldn't wait for Aominecchi's call.
I waited. And waited. But it never came. It was already two in the morning. No calls from Aominecchi. There wasn't even a single text! I sighed and placed the blanket on top of me. "Maybe getting my hopes up aren't good." I sobbed. I didn't notice that I cried myself to sleep.
"Kise-kun! What happened?!" A girl approached me. One of my fans, maybe.
"It's nothing, I smiled. I was doing homework till morning and haven't gotten enough sleep." I said. Hoping she doesn't pester me much.
I suddenly cursed hoping. "You look like you cried, Kise-kun! That's not the eyes of a person who has lack of sleep!" She shouted.
I smiled at her, she failed to notice my eyebrow twitch. "I'm fine." I said. Giving her a please-don't-ask-anymore-smile.
She nodded and bowed. "I'm sorry!" She said as she turned. I walked towards the shoe lockers.
"Kise! What happened?!" I froze. It was Aominecchi. I don't want to face him right now…
"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked.
"Don't act stupid. Your eyes… They're red!" He shouted, cupping my face with his hands.
"I was waiting…" I whispered.
"I was up till morning waiting for your call, Ahominecchi!" I shouted as I heard the bell and ran towards my room. Good thing we're in different classes.
During break, I avoided Aominecchi and ate alone in the Science Lab. I was hiding behind one table, since eating was not allowed and if ever someone comes it, he would be hidden. But nobody goes in there. That's what I thought. Suddenly, the door opened. I peeked. I saw Kasamatsu-senpai and a first year enter. What the hell was Kasamatsu-senpai doing in here?
I was about to call him out when I saw them kissing. I almost dropped my bento. Almost. I covered my mouth and tried not to move. Since it was only the three of us inside, and no one was outside, I could clearly hear…sounds. Sounds that I'm not supposed to hear.
"K—Kasamatsu-senpai. I—It's okay to think about him while your with me." The first year said. If I remembered, he's in the same club.
"Aoki. Are you sure?" Kasamatsu-senpai said.
Ah! Aoki Jun! I shouted to myself, almost revealing my presence. Soon, I heard them exchange kisses. I heard clothes shuffling and zippers unzipped. I tried my best to not make noise and not to look. I closed my eyes and covered my ears.
"Ah!" I heard a moan. Damn hands, why can't you stop the sound from coming in!
I also heard a grunt. Must be Kasamatsu-senpai. "K—Kise."
Eh? I panicked. Did they find out I was here? I tried to peek but I saw Kasamatsu-senpai thrust inside Aoki while chanting my name. I blushed. Does Kasamatsu-senpai… like me?
I returned to my original place. Hands covering my ears. I could feel myself getting hard. Aoki's cries were hot, mixed with Kasamatsu-senpai's now husky voice. I heard a loud moan from Aoki. Maybe he came. I dropped my hands and soon, I heard clothes shuffle again and I peeked. They were dressing up. I saw Kasamatsu-senpai wrap paper on…on the condom he used. He threw it at the trash can near the door and left. I sighed, finally making some noise. I was quite surprised that I was only half erect earlier and now it was all better. I stood up and froze.
Aoki was still there.
"K-Kise-kun!" He shouted.
"H-Hi, Aoki-kun." I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"Did—Since when?" Aoki asked, a blush clearly showing.
"Since you came in…" I said as I sat beside Jun. "You like Kasamatsu-senpai?" I teased, not looking at him. I was answered by silence. I glanced at Aoki. My eyes widened as his face grew red.
"Seriously?" I stared at the smaller boy. "Yet he treats you this way?!" I was furious. I didn't expect Kasamatsu-senpai to go so low and touch a kohai as… as my replacement. I stood up but Aoki tugged my sleeve.
"Don't, Kise-kun. I brought this to myself." Aoki stared at me. He was dead serious.
I calmed down after a while. "Why not confess?"
"I did. But he told me he was in love with you." Aoki said, his expression remained blank.
I blushed. "Oh. I—I see."
He glanced at me then turned. "Then I told him it would be okay even if he used me as a replacement."
Every word Aoki said struck me. I was seeing myself in him, the way he looks and longs for Kasamatsu-senpai, it's the same as mine.
"I envy you." I whispered.
"Huh?"
"At least you get to be that intimate with him." I sighed.
He stared at me. "You… Who?" Aoki asked.
"Aominecchi." I whispered.
He was silent. "You mean Aomine-kun? Aren't you like, best friends?"
I nodded. I smiled sadly. "He's in love with someone else. We both know what we feel. He knows I love him but I don't think he wants to go out with me that's why I try to act natural around him." I paused. "Though he did ask me out…" I said as my voice trailed off.
Aoki raised his eyebrow. "He asked you out. Isn't that good?"
I nodded. "But when he told me that, Kurokocchi came. He looked like he was crying. I tried to grab Aominecchi's arm but he pushed mine away. He said he'd call me… but he didn't." I said, staring at the ceiling.
I wouldn't have noticed it until Aoki handed me his handkerchief. When I didn't get it, he rubbed it on my cheek. I only realized then that I was crying. "I'm sorry." I said as I hugged Aoki. He gently stroked my head. "It's okay."
"Kise." Kasamatsu-senpai called me during practice. Seems like Aominecchi's not going today, again. But it was somewhat a relief for me. I don't want to see him yet.
"What is it, senpai?" I asked, looking for Aoki.
"Can you stay later after practice?" He said.
"Hm? Okay." I replied. It's not like I'm going home with Aominecchi today. When I finally saw Aoki, I called him. He looked at me and he smiled. I looked at him strangely since his smile was kind of forced. Then I remembered that Kasamatsu-senpai was behind me.
I ran to Aoki. "What's wrong?" I asked.
Aoki shook his head. "It's nothing." I stared at him. Then I knew that he wouldn't answer so I stopped asking questions.
After practice, I waited till everyone left, even Aoki, and waited for Kasamatsu-senpai inside the locker room. I waited for a while. Then I saw Kasamatsu-senpai enter, his right cheek was red.
"Got dumped?" I teased. But I immediately stopped when Kasamatsu-senpai's expression remained blank.
"Kise…" He started.
"Y—Yes?" I was getting scared. I stood and slowly approached the door.
"Don't step away from me." Kasamatsu-senpai ordered.
"H-Hai!" I stopped by my locker.
He slowly approached me and looked at me. "I like you, Kise."
My eyes widened. I knew that he likes me but I didn't think he'd confess this soon!
"W-What about Aoki?" I asked.
I saw Kasamatsu-senpai raise an eyebrow. "What about him?" His voice sounded as if he doesn't care about Aoki.
"Aren't you going out with him? I saw you inside the Lab e—" I immediately covered my mouth.
Kasamatsu-senpai's eyes went wide. "Y—You saw…"
I nodded. "I can't accept your feelings, senpai. Not when I know someone out there loves you more than anything!" I don't want you or Aoki to end up like me, just looking, longing for a love that I know will never be returned.
"But, it's you—"
I shook my head. "You just don't realize it, senpai."
Kasamatsu-senpai remained silent. "I-I'm sorry, Kise. I'm an idiot."
I smiled at him. "Go. He's the one that gave you this, right?" I said as I brushed my hand on his right cheek.
"Thank you, Kise!" He shouted as he stormed out. At least he'll be with someone who loves him. "It was also quite obvious that you like him more than me, senpai." I said to myself.
I stayed in the room for a while, contemplating on my relationship with Aominecchi. Come to think of it, I've never really gave him an answer that time. I didn't say 'Daiki'. If I said that, would it change our relationship? My phone rang suddenly, bringing me out of my deep thinking. I smiled while reading the text. It seems like Kasamatsu-senpai and Aoki are officially going out.
"Okay!" I shouted to no one in particular. I slapped my cheeks. "Now it's my turn to make my happy ending!" Tomorrow. I decided that tomorrow after school, I'll tell Aominecchi my answer.
I was humming as I passed by the park. I blushed as I eyed the place where Aominecchi told me to call him Daiki. I felt my chest clench. I was about to call him that when Kurokocchi interrupted. I sighed. I stopped by the vending machine for something to drink. I walked in the shortcut Aominecchi and I made. I was leisurely drinking my canned coffee when I heard voices. I looked to my right, where the street lights are and dropped my drink.
Aominecchi and Kurokocchi were hugging. I didn't know why it bothered me, they always did that during middle school. But this… it seemed different. I tried to get closer.
"I love you."
My eyes widened. What?
"I love you, Tetsu."
What the hell? I thought…!
"Daiki." I whispered. I suddenly turned to run. I knew he didn't hear me.
I knew he'd make you happy. I knew he was the one you truly love. I knew I wasn't enough. I knew it would be the end of me as soon as I turn and walk away from your life forever. I just wanted to try.
I wanted to try being loved by someone I love.
I ran home, not caring if tears were blocking my view. I fell a few times. When I arrived home, I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was disheveled, there were small cuts in my face and arms, my eyes were red and puffy, there was mud on my uniform. I immediately undressed and soaked my body in the tub. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks but I made no effort to wipe them. I wanted to disappear. I submerged my head under the water. It felt good. The warm water felt good on my face and on my body. The pain from my cuts and my chest were slightly alleviated. I could stay underwater forever.
I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling. Huh? Wasn't I—?
"Kise!"
Huh? Aominecchi? Why are you here? I was supposed to be in the bathroom.
"A-Aominecchi?" I said, my voice husky.
I tried to sit. As soon as I got into position, dizziness took over. I held my head.
"You idiot!" Aominecchi shouted at me.
I looked at Aominecchi. "I know." I whispered.
Suddenly, I felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around me. "A-Aominecchi?"
"I was worried. You suddenly disappeared. I knew it was you. You called me at the park, right?" Aominecchi whispered, his head on my shoulder.
I pushed him off, remembering the scene in the park. "You didn't hear me." I said.
"I did."
"NO YOU DIDN'T!" I insisted. Tears were now flowing from my eyes. "No, you didn't…"
"Kise…" Aominecchi's voice seemed sad. I looked at him. "Don't cry." He said as he wiped my tears.
"You—" I said. "You always make me confused!" Tears didn't stop flowing from my eyes. "First, you ask me to call you Daiki and I thought you were asking me out!" I stopped to breathe. He opened his mouth but I continued. "And now I see you hugging Kurokocchi, saying that you love him!" I started to grip my bed sheet. "Stop playing with my feelings, bastard!"
I breathed heavily. Shouting everything and telling everything to Aominecchi somewhat lifted the heavy feeling on my chest, but not the pain.
"Kise…" He said as he slowly brought his hand to cup my face.
"Don't touch me!" I shouted as I smacked his hand away. "Get out." I whispered.
"What?"
"I said get out," I said calmly. "I—I need time to think."
Aominecchi didn't speak. He nodded and left my room.
I stared at the wall. Should I give up, or should I continue to hurt myself? Thinking made my head ache. I decided to sleep and just think of it tomorrow.
I didn't go to school today. Guess what? Got a fever. And a headache is killing me. My mom told me to sleep and not leave the bed. And I did. It helped me think. As much as hate to, seems like my heart doesn't want to love someone else other than Aominecchi. I felt like crying but it seems like my tears ran out last night.
Seems like I'll still follow Aominecchi wherever he is and accept whoever he will love.
I tried sleeping, but the doorbell rang. I waited for someone to answer, but then I remembered that I was alone. I stood up, groggily went down the stairs and opened the door. My eyes grew wide as I saw Aominecchi with a small bouquet of Ambrosia.
"Hey," He greeted. I nodded in greeting.
"Did you know that an Ambrosia means?" Aominecchi asked. I shook my head.
"I was researching last night and it said that—" He paused. He stared at me. "It's for love that is returned."
"Huh?" I asked.
"What you saw last night, actually…" Aominecchi rubbed the back of his head. "Gah. Let me in first."
"Ah." I gestured him to enter and we proceeded to the sofa. He sat beside me. I tried keeping distance but he pulled me by the waist. I told myself that it was my fever making my face hot.
"The other night, when we saw Tetsu, he and Bakagami had a fight. And last night, we planned on making Kagami jealous but you appeared. Actually, I heard you call my name. From the corner of my eye, I saw you run. I saw you run while crying. I wanted to run and follow you, but that Bakagami showed himself after I lost sight of you." He looked at me. "I ran here and your mom let me in, telling me that you went home with a few cuts."
He brushed his hand on the small cut on my cheek. "I ran towards your room but no one answered. It was open so I went in. You weren't there and I opened the bathroom, just in case. Then I found you almost drowning. I panicked. I thought I was going to lose you without explaining things."
I looked at him. I was feeling guilty that I shouted at him last night.
"I love you, Ryouta. Believe me." He said as he pulled my closer, placing his head on my shoulder. "When you told me that you needed time, I thought you were going to give up on me."
I grabbed his hand. I noticed that it was trembling so I gave a small squeeze.
"Don't worry." I said as I raised his head with my free hand. I smiled at him and gave him a quick peck. "Seems like my heart can't love anyone else but you."
"Finally." He sighed in relief.
"Hmm?"
"You finally smiled." He said.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Did I not mask my emotions perfectly?
"Whenever you smile, I always think that it's forced." His eyes showed a flash of pain. "But now, I finally saw your genuine smile."
He cupped my face, closing the distance between us. Until it struck me.
"Wait!" I said, pushing him away. "You're gonna catch my fever."
He chuckled. "Ahomine's don't get sick." He said as he suddenly covered my lips with his. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I love you, Ryouta."
"I love you too, Daiki."
I finally got what I wanted. Trying definitely paid off.
OWARI
A/N: I must say, this is the longest thing I've written so far in a day. I felt incompete without uploading any Kuroko no Basuke fanfiction. Hope you like it!
PLEASE REVIEW!
