Reese was standing there, waiting for orders. He'd volunteered, just like John's mother said he would, as soon as John said someone needed to go back in time and protect Sarah Connor. Of course he volunteered.

Instead of relief, John just felt sick.

"Sir?" Reese asked when the silence went on too long.

"I need a minute," John said. He could afford a minute, right? They had a time machine for fuck's sake. So long as he sent Reese back before Skynet forces could get to them, things would be okay.

Knowing this was coming didn't make it any easier. He still had all the same questions running in circles in his head. Is it fair to decide someone's fate for them? Shouldn't Kyle have a say? John always hated the way his own life was laid out for him, his fate already determined. How hypocritical would it be to do the same thing to Kyle? Of course, Kyle was the one who did it to him… But not really. Kyle delivered the message, but John sent it to himself. He snorted. That was one form of masochism.

On the other hand, how fair was it to the rest of humanity to jeopardize everything all for one man? Kyle knew that. They all knew that. Skynet was the threat. Sometimes you made sacrifices-horrible sacrifices-because not to would be even worse. Kyle's life for humanity's continued existence? It was more than a fair trade.

It ought to be a simple equation. Send Kyle Reese back in time to father John and die protecting Sarah. In return, humanity won the war against Skynet. Except, they didn't quite. It was more complicated than that. John *knew* that. He'd dodged terminators all his life. Skynet wasn't going to stop trying to change history. Fuck. Temporal warfare could break your brain.

"Sergeant Reese-Kyle."

"Sir?" Kyle Reese tilted his head slightly in question. For that matter, the other members of tech-com in the room paused to look at him. Which meant he was letting too much emotion leak through.

"Walk with me. I need to talk with you before you go."

Kyle followed him.

For the first time in a long, long time, John felt nervous. When you already know what's going to happen… it removes uncertainty. What he was about to do, here, that was new. That would bring uncertainty back into the game. But why not? Why not make this one decision for himself, instead of following a predetermined path? Why not try to change things for the better?

"Listen, I knew you were going to volunteer. I knew that. You know why?"

Kyle's lips quirked to the side. "I'm gonna take a wild guess here, Connor, and say it's because your mother told you so."

"Hah." It was a common refrain. How did Connor know how to do that? Because his mother told him so. "Yeah. She told me."

Kyle nodded.

"That means I know what happens to you."

"Beg your pardon, John, but you don't."

John stopped, stared. "What?"

"You know what you think happens to me. But we wouldn't be sending soldiers into the past if there was no way to change things. Skynet wouldn't be doing it either."

"When the hell did you get so smart, Reese?"

"When you weren't looking." Kyle smiled briefly, then let his expression go serious. "I'm guessing I died in your version of the story."

"Yeah."

Kyle just nodded.

"You're okay with that?"

"That's why it's called a suicide mission. So yeah, I'm okay with that. I know I succeed at what's important. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Maybe I can do better this time around, make it out alive."

Man, John thought, I'm an asshole. "All right. Well, good leaders don't send soldiers into enemy territory without giving them everything they can. So, this is gonna be full disclosure."

He took a breath, searched Kyle's face. For what, he wasn't sure. Trust him, John. He's your father.

"You make it back, but we don't know where we're putting you down. Somewhere in LA. You're going to have to find Sarah before the terminator does, but you'll have an advantage-"

"I know what she looks like."

John nodded.

"I knew there was a better reason for you giving me that picture of her."

John smiled. He'd underestimated this man. "You find her in a nightclub. Tech Noir. She's seen the news, heard there's someone killing women named Sarah Connor, and she's terrified. So when she sees you, she's gonna think you're the one after her. Either you convince her you're not, or you wait until she sees the terminator. Up to you. But the police are gonna show up soon."

Kyle snorted. "Police won't help."

"You know that. I know that. Sarah, in 1984, doesn't know that." John waited until Kyle nodded his understanding. "When the police show up, don't tell them anything. Lie. If you tell them the truth, they're going to decide you're crazy. Tell them a gang put a hit on her, or that you recognized the guy-don't call him a terminator in front of them-and you've seen him kill before. Maybe he has a thing for killing women named Sarah. Just don't tell them the truth."

"Lie to the authorities. Got it."

This time John snorted. "I've been doing that my whole life. I blame you."

That startled Kyle, and then he chuckled. "Right. Because I'm the one who tells your mother to hide."

"The terminator will track you down. He'll kill everyone between you and him. So grab guns when you can. Teach Sarah to shoot, as fast as you can. Teach her to look at her environment and find weapons. The better she can defend herself, the easier it will be for you both to survive. Also, tell her about how terminators can mimic voices. She's going to want to call her family, but they're already dead. Nothing you can do about that. The terminator will be waiting for her to call. If she really, really wants to make that call, you tell her okay but not to give out your location."

"Shit, really? No. Never mind. It's obvious to me. Not to her." Kyle shook his head. "Strange to think of her as some kid, not the mother of the resistance."

"She's going to rage against it, try to talk her way out of it." John paused, realizing how much like his mother he actually was. Heh. "You're gonna see a dog at a motel. Buy that dog. You need a guard that can sight a terminator.

"Also, make a fuck-ton of pipe bombs. The way my mom told it, you two ended up trapped in a factory and you got yourself killed waiting for the terminator to get close enough to plant your last bomb on him. Which you manage to do, but you don't live through it. Also, it's not enough to kill the fucker."

Kyle's eyes widened. "I died and left her alone with that thing?!"

"She killed it," John said with some satisfaction. "You gave her the time she needed."

"Okay," Kyle nodded again, looking thoughtful. And who could blame him?

I should have told him this stuff before. Given him time to prepare. A good leader gives his soldiers every advantage he's got. I should have done that.

"Don't worry, John. I've got this."

"I know you do. You ready?"

Kyle shrugged. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Good. I have a message I need you to memorize and then give to her..."


John waited until Kyle was on the TDE platform, about to go through. One of the techs threw the switch, which set off a spectacular light display, one John remembered. He timed it right for that moment before Kyle would disappear and yelled out:

"Also, you're my dad!"

"What?!"

There was just a fraction of a second in which John could see Kyle's flabbergasted expression, and then Kyle was gone.

John snickered.