Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw Quidditch (Harry Potter) fanfic

"Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts School, welcome to the first Quidditch match of the season. The lineup—"

"Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor!"

(CHEERING)

"We're your humble commentators for this match—I'm Hugo Weasley—"

"—and I'm Stella Longbottom."

"Respectively of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw themselves. (MORE CHEERING) Now tell me Stella, honestly, which team do you think has the better chance of winning?"

"Well, I suppose the Gryffindor team is known for its daring and talent—(GRYFFINDORS CHEER)—but the Ravenclaw team is quite phenomenal this year, the Captain's been drilling them in new tactics for weeks. (RAVENCLAWS CHEER)—and I don't know about you, Hugo, but I'm sure at least three of the Gryffindor players have Loser's Lurgy, my mum told me all of the signs and—"

"And on that note, folks, I present the Gryffindor team—Chasers Remus Weasley, Diana Jordan, and Lily Potter, Beaters Fred Weasley and James Potter, Keeper Kimberly Wood, and Seeker Albus Potter!"

(GYFFINDORS CHEER FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME)

"Is it just me, or is all of my family on the Gryffindor team?"

"My word, you're thick, you've forgotten about Rose. Speaking of her, here comes the Ravenclaws—Chasers Heidi Wallace, Leanne Jamison, and Camilla Parks, Beaters Tristan Donahue and Spencer Allan, Keeper Rose Weasley—"

"Watch yourself, sis, I saw you give me the finger!"

"—and Seeker Scorpius Malfoy!"

(RAVENCLAWS TOTALLY KICK GRYFFINDOR BUTTS WITH THEIR EVEN LOUDER CHEERING FOR A VERY, VERY LONG TIME)

"There's Mr. Wood, our Quidditch referee…"

"Captains Heidi Wallace and Remus Weasley are shaking hands…"

"AND THEY'RE OFF!"

"And it's Camilla Parks with the Quaffle, heading down the pitch—goodness, she's fast, Kimberly hasn't even gotten to the goals yet—Camilla ducks a Bludger, dodges James Potter, goes for the goal…"

"Oh! Brilliant save by Kimberly Wood, they say she's just as good as her dad was—I've been asking her out for a year and she still hasn't said yes—OUCH!"

"Well, that's what you get for admitting to asking out the referee's daughter, Hugo, instead of paying attention to the game. Leanne has the Quaffle now, but Fred and James seem to be closing in…oh dear…"

"Ooo, two Bludgers in the back, that's gotta hurt—hey!"

"Hah! Heidi's caught the Quaffle, she's heading for the goals—"

"Come on, Kimberly!"

"SCORE! 10-0 TO RAVENCLAW!"

"Yeah, yeah, we know Stella, no need to rub it in—anyway, Lily Potter's in possession of the Quaffle now; only in third year, and already on the team!"

"Hugo?! Are you crying?!"

"I'm…just…so…proud!"

"Ack! Those're my robes you're getting your ruddy tears on! Jeez, pull yourself together! Heidi's already stolen the Quaffle, Lily had to duck a Bludger—"

"What? Allan and Donahue hit Bludgers at Lily? Why I oughtta…"

"Oh, shut up and commentate already."

"Fine. Well, Heidi Wallace in possession of the Quaffle again, flying down the field, blah, blah, blah…wait—what the ruddy hell are James and Fred doing?"

"Hmm. Apparently they've started a deadly Battle of the Beaters against Allan and Donahue in the middle of the field. I told you Donahue would hurt James's Grawp-sized ego."

"Um, Stella? Do you see what I see?"

"If you're referring to that ridiculous Christmas carol…"

"No! Al and Scorpius are diving! I think they've seen the Snitch."

"They're heading straight for the Beater's Square of Doom! The Bludgers'll crush them! I can't look…"

(CROWD GASPS)

"What? What happened?"

"You weren't looking?"

"No, idiot, didn't I just say I wasn't going to—oh, never mind. Just tell the nice people what happened."

"Well, Scorpius yelled at Allan, who hit a Bludger at Al, who ducked and gave Scorpius the lead, then Lily hit Scorpius in the back of the head with the Quaffle and Scorpius kind of flailed around and hit Al in the stomach. And now Wood awarded a foul to Ravenclaw, Scorpius has a bloody nose, and Al can't catch his breath."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so?"

"I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, Heidi Wallace takes the foul, Kimberly blocks it, and we're back in the game."

"Diana Jordan has the Quaffle—say, wasn't her mother on your Uncle Harry's Quidditch team?"

"Yup; Uncle Harry said that Mrs. Jordan was Quidditch Captain herself, in her seventh year—I wonder if Diana will take over after Remus leaves?"

"Remind me, whose kid is he again?"

"My Uncle Charlie's, he's always been a good—DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE, DONAHUE!"

"What? What'd I miss?"

"Donahue almost hit Rose aiming for that last Bludger. Idiot."

"Says the only Weasley with no Quidditch talent to speak of."

"Thank you, Stella, you're such a good friend, I really needed to be reminded of that."

"You're welcome."

"WILL YOU TWO GET BACK TO THE MATCH?!"

"Sorry, Professor…er—Gryffindor leads 50 to 40, Lily Potter in possession again, making her way down the field—fakes to Diana but passes to Remus, who skims the ground down to the Ravenclaw goals, the show-off…"

"Remus launches the Quaffle into the air—tricky, very tricky—come on, Rose—YES! She saves it, and the Quaffle goes back to Ravenclaw, Leanne's taking to the other end…JAMES POTTER, YOU BLOODY ARSE, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?!"

"What'd he do this time?"

"He bludgeoned Rose with a Bludger! And when she dodged it, he dive-bombed her instead! Your cousin's insane, Hugo!"

"You're just figuring this out now? I thought you were a Ravenclaw. Besides, Rose dodged him too and managed to kick him on his aforementioned bloody arse; no harm, no foul."

snorts "Well, whatever, you're a Gryffindor, you can't be trusted—Leanne's having some trouble getting past Fred, now, I wonder what the two of them are up to…"

"Hm…it looks like Fred's trying to use his Beater's bat to knock the Quaffle out of Leanne's hands—what? How is that a foul?"

"Are you blind? You saw Fred hit her broomstick—or were you wondering why Leanne suddenly decided to spin off course uncontrollably?"

grumble

"Anyway, Leanne takes the foul—nicely done, Leanne! We're all tied up now, folks, it looks like most of the players are evenly matched…"

"Ah, but we still haven't seen Al and Scorpius have another go at the Snitch, now, have we? Hate to break it to you, Stella, but Al's dad beat Scorpius's dad every time they played against each other." THUMP. "OW! Why do you people keep hitting me?"

"Scorpius and Al are not their father's clones, Hugo—you can't judge them based on what their parents did."

"Yeah, yeah…Hey! Look!"

"Where?"

"There! Up in the sky!"

"It's just a hippogriff—no, wait, it's an owl—"

"No, Stella…it's the Snitch!"

"Oh, look, there they go!"

"And the Seekers are off, ladies and gentlemen, neck and neck, inch for inch, Al's Blue Firebolt an equal match for Scorpius's Nimbus Three Thousand…"

"We don't care about their brooms, Hugo, we care about the catch…they're almost there…just a little farther…they're stretching out their arms—Wait, no they're diving, the Snitch has them headed back to the ground—stay away from them, James Potter, or I'll tell your mum about the lake incident last summer!"

"What—?"

"You don't want to know."

"Fine. Hey, what the—Camilla Parks of Ravenclaw has taken off down the field, she's heading for the goals—NO! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"It's rather brilliant actually—Heidi figured out that they could squeeze in a few more goals while everyone watched the Seekers. See, there they go again… yes, it's now 70-50 Ravenclaw."

"Devious, conniving, sneaky little…"

"Oh, shut up and tell us about Al and Scorpius."

"What's to tell? They're still chasing the Snitch—see, there they are, near the bottom of the Ravenclaw goals—now they're heading upward again—jeez, this is one tricky Snitch. Oh, that's gotta hurt!"

"JAMES POTTER! YOU LEAVE SCORPIUS ALONE, I DON'T SEE DONAHUE AND ALLAN PUMMELING THE SEEKERS WITH—oh, dear."

(CROWD GROANS SYMPATHETICALLY)

"Ooo…that's low. Very low."

"I didn't know Donahue would do that…I didn't even know you could hit someone there while they're on a broom…I mean, it's just…" shudders

"Yeah, hitting him there, he won't be able to sit properly for a week."

"Thank you for that…graphic description, Hugo. Hey—where are the Seekers?"

"I don't know, I thought you were watching them."

"Well, excuse me for getting caught up in the destruction of James Potter's—"

"There they are! They're diving again! Come on, Al, catch up! Why won't he go faster?"

"Basic laws of gravity. Scorpius is taller, so he's a little heavier, so he falls faster. A Muggle could tell you that."

"Blah, blah, blah, always with the smart mouth—okay, they're coming in closer—whoa, wait a minute, isn't that a little too fast?"

"No. That's way too fast. They're going to crash!"

"Bloody bollocks, Aunt Ginny'll kill Al if he gets hurt—and then bring him back to clean up the mess!"

"Oh, and Scorpius's injuries are just another opportunity, are they? They don't really matter, or anything, despite the fact that you're sister's nearly falling off her broom with worry for her best friend! What do you think they're pulling, anyway, could it be a Wonky Faint?"

"Wronski Feint, Stella, and I don't know, we'll just have to see—blimey, they're still diving, that must be fifty feet!"

"They're getting close to the ground now! They're not even trying to stop!"

"They both know they can't pull out of that steep a dive! Look, they're sticking out their hands now, they don't care that they'll crash!"

"I can't look!"

(SICKENING CRASHES, THUMPS, AND MUFFLED YELLS)

"Hugo?"

"…"

"Hugo?"

"…"

"Hugo, what's going on? Are they…?"

"Mr. Wood's checking them out—hold on…Al's sitting up!"

"Really? They're okay? Merlin, they look terrible! But which one caught the Snitch?"

"…oh bloody hell."

(RAVENCLAWS BREAK OUT IN RAUCOUS CHEERING)

"YES! SCORPIUS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! SCORPIUS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! RAVENCLAW WINS!"

"Stupid mumble mumble Scorpius mumble mumble suicidal mumble mumble idiotic move…what in the name of Merlin's pants is Rose doing?"

"She appears to be making out with Scorpius—don't know why it took her so long, really, they've liked each other for ages…"

"Dad's not going to like this…"

"Not going to like what? That Rose's team won? That she finally got together with the boy of her dreams? That doesn't sound like stuff to be unhappy about."

"Mumble ignorant mumble Ravenclaw mumble mumble Loony Longbottom—OW!"

"You know, I'm beginning to understand why people are always hitting you; it's very refreshing."

Fin

AN: For the record, this is just a random oneshot—it's not based off my Next Generation fic or anything. Not my usual cup of tea, but I enjoy reading the Quidditch matches, and here was a new generation of talent, all nice and shiny and ready for use! Review!!!!!!!!! Review!!!!!!!!!

Wondering why I'm posting all these oneshots instead of updating my Next Generation fic? I'm waiting for more reviews. (hint hint wink wink nudge nudge).