Prologue

The staircase was wrapped in semi-darkness. Jasmin stood outside the apartment's door for a moment. She knew there was a wall of silence expecting her inside. She lowered the hand holding the key. Maybe she'd better stay at the townhouse guestroom, as she had the night all her friends had learned about her lies. But Jo had invited his golf partners for dinner that night and Jasmin didn't want to disturb them. She'd just go stir-crazy there anyway. At least she wasn't alone here at the apartment, even if her roommates punished her with disregard. Quietly she turned the key and opened the door. Nele and Anni were standing at the stove cooking, their backs turned at the door. They hadn't noticed Jasmin.

"...would like to know if the story of her abuse was just to feed the press. I simply can't imagine that. You don't make up that sort of thing."

"Yes, one also doesn't upload a sex video to the internet to play the victim afterwards.
Come on, forget it, I have no idea what's going on in her mind."

"Well, but honestley, there's this foundation..."

"Foundation, pshaw" Anni said with a dismissive handwave. She turned to Nele and asked provocatively: "Have you ever seen her do anything for this foundation?"

Nele thought about it for a moment.

"Nope, you're right there." Anni shrugged her shoulders. "But still, don't you want to know if she just made it up?"

From behind, with a barely controlled voice, Jasmin asked: "What exactly do you want to know, Nele?"

The two women turned around. Jasmin continued, still leaning at the door: "What it was like when my adoptive father came into my bed the first time on my 14th birthday? Or whether it hurt when he raped me when I was 16? Or what his hands felt like when..."

"Jasmin!", Anni interrupted her vigorously. "Stop it and leave Nele alone!"

For a moment there was a tense silence in the room before Jasmin nodded briefly and went to her room.

"Have fun gossiping!"

With a click her door closed.

Nele and Anni looked at each other. Horror was written in their faces.

"Shit."
"Fuck!"

Nele took a step towards Jasmin's room but Anni held her back.

"Leave it!"

"Anni, I just want to apologize."

"No!"

Nele gave Anni a quizzical look.

"Come on, Nele, do you really think she wants to see anybody right now? And what are you gonna say? 'We're sorry we don't believe you but you let yourself in for this with all your lying'? That sucks."

"So what are we gonna do now?"

Just then they heard the key turning in the lock of the apartment's door and John and Pia came in.

"Hey girls, dinner ready?"

"NO." it sounded with one voice.

Dumbfounded Pia looked at them, arms akimbo.

"Okay, what is it this time?"

Anni walked up to her and asked:

"Do you have a moment?"

"Sure."

Anni pulled Pia over to her room by her arm. With a look over her shoulder she called:

"Sorry John, I have to borrow your better half for a moment."

Queryingly John looked from one to the other. But as Nele opened her mouth he raised his hands.

"Thanks, I don't even want to know. I have enough trouble with my family."


In her room, Anni turned to Pia and asked bluntly:

"What do you know about Jasmin's abuse?"

Pia gaver her a puzzled look.

"It's about Jasmin? I thought no one's talking to her?"

"Pia! My question!"

But Pia just shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know the details. That was all before I moved to Berlin."

"Shit."

Pia placed her hand on Anni's shoulder. "Anni, what happened? This subject is ancient."

Anni turned away and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Man, Nele and I were talking about Jasmin and her lies, and how the abuse story fits into the picture all too well, and suddenly she stood right behind us."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes. She threw some "little details" in our faces and withdrew to her room."

"Oh Sweetie, come here." Pia held Anni in her arms.

"What do we do now?", Anni asked softly.

Pia thought hard, then she nodded.

"Dominik. We call Dominik. He knows the whole story, they were together forever."

"Okay."

Pia looked at Anni queringly.

"Shall I?"

But Anni shook her head and pulled her phone out of her pocket as Pia left the room.


She searched the contacts for Dominik and hit the dial button. Dominik picked up after the second ring.

"Hey Anni. What's up?"

"Hey Nik. Say, do you have some time to come to our place?"

"What's going on?"

She was silent for a moment and then softly said:

"I think Jasmin needs you."

"Has anything happened? Did those guys assault her again?"

There was panic in Dominik's voice now, and totally aghast Anni asked:

"Assaulted? What guys? Dominik?"

But Dominik only said quickly:

"Forget it, Anni. I'll be right there."

Anni nearly exploded when she heard this.

"Forget it? Are you out of your.." But Dominik had already hung up. "What the f...?"

Frustrated she tossed her phone on the bed and braced herself against the wall.

"Man, does everything have to be a drama with this woman?"

Anni took a deep breath. Dominik's words were spinning around in her head and the images joining them made Anni dizzy. She felt like she could barely breathe.
'It couldn't have been what it sounded like just now.', she thought. 'Come on, she wouldn't have passed on the opportunity for us to take pity on her."
But as much as she tried to convince herself, she still felt uneasy.

The doorbell rang.

She lifted her head and went back into the living room. John had let Dominik in. The two young men greeted each other with a brief hug.

"Props to you. That was record time.", Anni said from the background and added: "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Taken aback by her curt tone the others looked at her, but Dominik just gave her a quick nod and followed Anni to her room.


"What happened?"
"What did you mean with guys assaulting Jasmin?", the both asked simultanously when Anni had closed the door.

"You first.", Anni nodded at Dominik. He dropped his gaze briefly before he lifted his head again and looked Anni right in the eye.

"Last week, when Jasmin was staying in my father's guest room, two guys assaulted her at the subway station. Apparently they wanted to re-enact the sex video with Jasmin in the lead."

Dominik's voice sounded soft and serious. Anni sat down on the bed and closed her eyes. The feeling of dizziness returned. As he continued, his voice started to tremble a little and he started pacing around the room.

"She fought back but there were two of them, and one of them had grabbed her from behind. If I hadn't come by..."

Dominik didn't go on and turned away. Anni had covered her face in her hands and tried to breathe deeply. For a minute that felt like an eternity a leaden silence fell over the room.

Dominik looked out the window but all he saw was the image of Jasmin desperately struggling agains the guy's arms clutching her from behind in a perverted copy of an embrace. Jolting him out of his thoughts Anni asked:

"Did you call the cops?"

Dominik shook his head.

"She didn't want the press to get wind of it."

Anni flared up. Suddenly she felt raging fury inside her and somehow it felt best to direct it at Dominik and Jasmin.

"So you're saying there are two guys walking around out there who could assault someone else any time? Are you out of your minds? What do you want? A second round, or someone else going through the same thing?"

Furiously she tossed her pillows against the wall. Dominik let her rage for a moment. He knew exactly how she felt. Then he replied quietly:

"Anni, she was totally run down. And believe me, you can't force her. I've been there. If you pressure her now it will only end in disaster."

Anni took a deep breath. His answer was like a bucket of cold water, and suddenly she remembered why Dominik came over in the first place. Slowly she said:

"You mean her abuse."

Dominik nodded and Anni gulped.

"And that's the reason I called you."

He just looked at her queringly. Ashamedly she looked down and Domink had to listen closely to make out her words.

"I guess Nele and I inadvertently reminded her of it, and together with what you just told me..."

Dominik nodded understandingly.

"She locked herself in, right?

Anni shook her head but then shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. She went to her room."

"Okay." Dominik turned around and pondered his next steps. "Listen, I'll look in on her but we're gonna need some time. Do you think you could leave us alone?"

Anni got up. For a brief moment it gave her a sting that Domink apparently knew exactly how to deal with the situation while she was totally overstrained with it.

"Sure, no problem. I'll get the others out of here."

Both of them walked to the door. Just before Dominik opened it, Anni grasped his arm.

"Nik?" He turned around again. Nervously she twisted her fingers and looked to the side. "We didn't want this. It's just that she's so..."

"Complicated? Frustrating?" Dominik smiled faintly. "I know. Don't worry, Anni. It's not your fault." He hesitated before he went on. "But do me a favor and don't tell anyone what happened last week, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks for telling me."

Dominik's smile turned into a grin. He tapped her nose and got a crooked smile out of her.

"Shall I tell you the scecret why I trust you with all this?"

"Because I have such a sympathetic nature?", Anni asked with a self-mocking undertone.

"No.", he replied and gave a short laugh. Then he became serious. "Jasmin trusts you, Anni. She..."

Then Domink shook his head. He couldn't and wouldn't say any more. The two young women had to sort out the rest themselves. He gave Anni an encouraging smile and left the room. Pensive and a little confused Anni stayed behind. What else had Dominik wanted to say?

Her phone beeped and jolted her out of her thoughts. She rummaged for it a bit and found it in her bed. Pia had sent her a whats-app message:

"Everything okay with you?"
'No, it's not all okay.', Anni thought but replied with a "Sure, everything's fine. I'll be right out."

She put the phone in her pocket and ran her hands over her face. Finally she gave herself a yank and returned to the living room. Dominik was standing at John's side talking about the wedding. Pia and Nele were nibbling pasta, giggling around. Pia looked up and winked at her. Anni tried to smile but her eyes were drawn to Jasmin's door. She would have liked best to... 'No, damnit, you can't do anything right now. Let Dominik handle it.", she called herself to order. She took a deep breath, put on a smile and called out to the group:

"Okay, people, who's up for sushi?"

"But we made pasta."

"Yes, Nele, but I don't feel like pasta. Come on, let's go."

Anni handed Nele her jacket and picked up her own as Pia was already shoving John out the door. Right before Anni closed the door, she gave Dominik a grateful look. He just nooded back briefly.


As calm had settled, Dominik walked over to the door to Jasmin's room. Tentatively he knocked.

"Jasmin? It's me, Dominik. The others are gone. Can I come in?"

There was silence for a while. Dominik stood by the door and waited. Finally he heard a soft "Come in." and opened the door. He was surprised it wasn't locked. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He looked around and found Jasmin sitting on the windowsill. She was staring out into the darkness.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Her voice sounded hoarse. Dominik didn't know if it was from crying or from hardly talking to anybody for days.

"How are you feeling?"

Jasmin remained silent. Then she looked at him and he could see the traces of her tears in her face, her eyes red and dry. There was a tiredness in her face that seemed to run deeper than a few sleepless nights.

"Empty. I feel totally empty. There's just nothing left."

Dominik walked over to her and took her in his arms. Reflexively she rested her head on his shoulder. They both kept silent for a few minutes until Jasmin said softly:

"Nik?"

"Hm?"

"I think I need help."

"Yes, I know."

"Good."

She closed her eyes and for the first time over the last few weeks she felt like she could sense light at the end of the tunnel.