Authors Note: Standard Disclaimer applies.

The relationship between these two characters represent, what I think, is the sweetest and most genuine form of love. This tale is an introspective look at what Killua might be thinking while Gon was recovering from the attack that resulted in them having to leave Kite behind during the beginning of the Chimera Arc. Enjoy.


Light and Shadow

Killua's POV

I was born of the night. A world where there is no light, no dawn…no dusk…no morning after. There is nothing there…just dying embers and endless darkness and yes…shadows. All consuming silent, condemning shadows…Darkness is the womb that yielded me to an existence even more devouring than endless abyss.

Death was my fate. That was the truth I learned from the cradle where life had no part except as a reminder that I have no other goal except to keep my own…To ensure that my heart was always pulsing…beating…my body always surviving…against all odd...There was only three rules I needed to live by: Accomplish the goal. Survive the night. Live through hell in tact.

I was born for death…that was all that I knew…that is what all they wanted from me…and because they where all that I had… because being an instrument of death was the only way I could have the illusion of family...because bringing death was all that they ever taught me I thought that it was all that I was good for... I opened my arms and embraced the reapers hand and clung to it like someone lost at sea…

Because they were all that I knew of ties and bonds I only saw the world through their eyes…breathed the same air they did and hailed the nights that loved them as much as it welcomed me…cradling me...nurturing me…until even the nights seemed like day and death became all the life that I wanted…I never thought there was any other way to exist...because theirs were the hands that washed away the blood that rained on me and offered me four walls that sheltered me from the fearful eyes that watched me--both dead and living--I learned to live for, through and because of them...

But even then I knew that it wasn't everything…I knew that there was more…more than what I have…more than what they were offering me…slowly I began to want more than the darkness that was my world…with each new skill praised and admired I began to want something beyond approval for my efficiency in ending lives…I wanted a path not littered by the bodies of those that found their end in my grasp…

I wanted more than just the illusion of life that Death gives me…the tantalizing hint of breath that passes by me mere seconds before a body falls dead at my feet—bereft of their essence…empty shells where life once dwelt within it…I wanted what I took from them every night since the very first moment i held death in my hands...I wanted LIFE...I wanted a life born from all the death that surrounds me…a dawn to break through my endless nights…I wanted light where I have known nothing but darkness…I never knew that all this time…all I ever had to do was find you.

Gon…

You…are light…perfection given form and yet unaware of it. Even now…broken and bruised from a fight you shouldn't have fought—desperate to defend yet another person you call friend there is a light inside of you bursting to be free...bathing me..warming me...blinding me to everything but you...You offer justice to people who have learned to expect none…hope where none could be found…faith and loyalty where everyone expected betrayal and treachery with their every breath...

You are faith and trust and all that is good…you shine—flawless and true—simply because you see without conceit or pretense…because you see...and trust...and believe...You are pure...untainted like virgin snow falling for the first time against a barren dying wasteland. You offer solace from the despair that seeps inside all that were once touched by darkness...

You are the dawn that breaks after long endless nights…because you open your heart and accept without walls and without judgment those that come to you—broken and battered—in your eyes they are made whole because you see none of the scars and the wounds…you see only joy and hope that springs eternal in your heart.

You…are joy…you are warmth and peace…serenity and contentment in the midst of chaos because you see pain and understands that it is needed to grow, that its necessary for someone to change and be better. Because your eyes see death and know that it is inevitable…know that it must happen some of the time…and that it could happen to the best and worst all humankind.

You are…love…because I see no shadow when I look into your eyes…because only in them do I see a reflection of life that bears my face and hear life that speaks with my voice…because you make me believe that even if I fall and fail and bleed anew…when I open my eyes once more from the paralyzing, consuming night…there is always dawn waiting for me…because there is you… because you can look at a boy that lived to bring death and make him trust that he could and would find a way to live.