Complicated
Oh my god, last night was amazing! Sam was amazing! She's an amazing friend, amazing kisser, amazing in bed, just amazing, amazing, amazing! Amazing until now….
Okay so maybe we had a bit too much to drink last night, I prayed, I hoped, should have made her promise it wouldn't be a mistake. Is it a mistake? Oh I don't know!
We had been flirting all night, the little one liners, the seductive looks, no wonder we both gave in. Id wanted it all for so long, until now…
Sam, oh she's perfect. I adore her so much. I can remember it all now. Her tongue so powerful with mine. Her teasing was like no other. She got me intense fully. With Sam I just let go, and so did she. The expression on her face when I sent her to heaven was a picture made forever. She fell asleep in my arms. Her hair smelt so sweet, she tasted so sweet! I just couldn't get enough of her, until now…
I woke up this morning feeling rather happy, a smile on my face that was still on from the night before was soon snatched away and replaced with a look of fear and guilt, not to mention the frown.
Guilt was all I was thinking, feeling, then seeing!?
I'm Sorry x
I screwed the paper up, guilt thumping in my chest and my head. Why! Why! Why! I was so angry, I was hurt. Determined to fight this battle of such strong guilt, I wasn't going to let it turn to self blame, no way!
Grabbing my car keys, I headed for work. Shutting the door, okay understatement, slamming the door behind me I left. I was too annoyed to put the radio on or even consider having breakfast. I had to find and talk to Sam, as soon as possible.
This is so not me, usually id get to work, smile at the people I knew as I walked in and around the station. I get myself a coffee from the canteen, and collect any documents from my pigeon hole. But none of those things did I do.
I charged franticly through the station looking for Sam. Knocking some of uniform out of my way without saying sorry. Getting a coffee never even crossed my mind let alone collecting any documents for me.
Storming into CID I turned to walk straight into Sam's office, but I'm suddenly stopped, she's talking to Kezia. For god sake!, folding my arms, I lean back against the wall and decided to wait.
Torment! It's torture, I desperately need to talk to Sam, but I'm waiting a life time here. I can't take the waiting game anymore! I look back into Sam's office, and it's like she knows I'm waiting to talk to her. She's talking to Kezia, like everything is normal, is she that mean? Sam said she dint do one night stands, well what I? Please, please, not a mistake, anything but a mistake!
I slump into my chair at my desk, and yes it still is a mess! My head flops onto my hands, as I sigh, then… her door opens, at last Kezia's come out. I make my way fast so I can go in before anybody else this time, except I nearly send Sam flying as she comes out of her office. She held her hands up for defence and looked up at me disgusted.
"Briefing room…now!". Her tone is stern and viscous; I'm left impersonating a gold fish. Looks like I have no choice now but to go to the briefing room, does it?!
I walk in and some of CID are already there. There is one empty seat and I make my way for it. When…
"Err Jo?, Grace was going to sit there!"
She shouted at me, why and what for, in front of the team too.
"Oh no guv , its fi-"
"No!"
Rude! Okay firstly she shouts at me, over a chair, then she buts in on Grace, and she wasn't even that bothered, because it's only a chair! Bloody hell, why is she being like this?, I feel helpless.
"Sorry"
I wasn't, but I let Grace sit there, she gave me a brief smile, Sam well she just gave me the evil up and down look. So I stand over to one side in the room, my back against the wall. My throat is dry; I wish id got a coffee now.
Sam began the briefing, I wasn't to sure on what she was on about really, had other things on my mind! She keeps looking at me though, the evil glare in my direction, I can feel a lump building in my throat. I became more fidgety too. Folding my arms, and biting my nails. I just wanted to scream!
Why did you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way your acting like your somebody else gets me so frustrated….
Finally its over, I try to catch Sam up on the way out of the briefing room. Ah Kezia! She begins to talk to me, ive lost eyeball of Sam. I'm giving her the odd nod, hmm and yeah. At last she goes; I have no idea what she said to me I was trying to see where Sam had gone.
"DC Masters, that desk could do with a clean up, didn't I say that to you last week?"
The little…making me look like an idiot once again in front of the whole team, and could she of said it any louder?! My fists clench in balls and my teeth grit forcefully.
Life's like this you fall and you crawl, and you break and you take what you get and you turn it into….
She leaves CID, turning back looking at me again, god I wish I knew why she was doing that, what the looks meant, and what the hell she was thinking. Sitting at my desk, I log onto my computer, I have an email from Sam….
Jo,
I can't let the team find out, not yet.
I'm not ashamed.
We need to talk, interview room 2 1pm
See you then
Sam x
No, No, No
I lean back in my chair, still a little unsure as to what this all means, but at least now I know that she wants to speak to me. I know things aren't complety ruined, are they?. But boy has she got some explaining to do, a lot of explaining to do!. Oh Stuart has just walked in with a coffee, smells good. You know what I think I could do with one now. Closing the email, I leave the computer on standby and head down to the canteen.
