Faded Memories
AU. Taking place after the events in Eclipse, Bella never formed the bond with Jacob that led to the wolves teaming up with the Cullens to learn how to fight Victoria's newborn army and they were all defeated. Jasper was the only survivor due to his exceptional knowledge and skill with newborns. He's left alone and heartbroken as everyone he's ever loved is gone.
Hello everyone. In trying to write my story Chasing Away the Shadows, I got stuck halfway through Chapter 21 with a major case of writer's block. As I lay in bed last night, I was trying to think of where to go with it and how I can transition the chapter when another Jasper focused fanfic I ran across this week interrupted my thoughts and suddenly this little ditty came to mind and I decided that I might as well put it down and see how it turns out. I'm determined not to get distracted from finishing Chasing Away the Shadows, so I was thinking that if this ends up being worth writing, I might force myself to only work on it when I need a break from Chasing the Shadows…or I may just leave it as a one shot. Anyway, I found the idea intriguing and decided to see where it went. Hope you enjoy it…let me know what you think.
Choices
I stood in an emotional black hole as I watched the family mansion go up in a towering inferno. I had to destroy all of the evidence that we had been there for fear of the secret of what we really were would be discovered. They were all gone. Every single person I ever loved in this life…my parents, my brothers and sisters, and oh god, my dearest love…my Alice. I fell to my knees as dry hysterical sobs racked my body and I felt as though I would fall apart at the seams out of the shear force of my unadulterated grief.
I don't know how long I sat there rocking back and forth in the abyss of my despair. Hours? Days? Weeks? I couldn't be certain. By the time I stood up and walked away the remains of my life here were reduced to a pile of black ash in the middle of the large meadow.
I didn't know where to go or what to do. I was lost, completely and utterly lost. My true north was gone forever and now the compass of my existence spun uselessly without direction. There were three things I knew for certain. I would never get them back, I could never replace them, and I didn't want to walk this Earth alone again. That left me with only one other option. I would take a page from Edward's book. I was going to Volterra.
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It was the early hours of morning when I crossed through the gates of the massive golden citadel and slowly made my way through the dark streets with one and only one destination in mind. I was going to the tower to beg Aro, Caius, and Marcus to put me out of my misery. I turned one last corner to see the ornately carved doors of the business front for the subversive world of the ancient vampire royalty and picked up my pace passing various storefronts in my journey. I had just passed the outdoor tables for a small Tuscan bistro when a soft feminine voice with a southern drawl met my ears.
"Well, well, Major Whitlock, as I live and breathe…well, breathe at least."
I spun in a flash to see a tall brunette vampire with golden eyes sitting at one of the tiny bistro tables with a book in her hands. I looked closer to see that she held a copy of Gone with the Wind in her long slender fingers. Despite all the pain I've been suffering since the loss of my family, I found myself unwittingly chuckling at her choice of literature. I always hated that novel. I don't really remember much from my human years, but somehow I did know that any true southern belle would far outshine and outclass the abrasive Scarlett O'Hara. I looked back up to her face and it was quite lovely, even for a vampire, but that was all I could notice. The true love of my life was long gone and ever since I met my tiny light that pulled me out of my desperate and lonely nomadic existence, I had never truly noticed another female and probably never would.
I finally realized that she appeared to know me, and not only that referred to me as MAJOR Whitlock. "Pardon me ma'am, but do I know you?"
She smiled a wide mirthful smile. "Why yes Major, but I'm guessing that you probably don' remember. It was a long, long time ago in a whole other lifetime."
I frowned, but I couldn't deny that her voice calmed my despair just the slightest bit. While I had spent so many years in the north with my family, my southern accent had been slowly invaded with a northern edge and over the many, many years I had lost many parts of my southern drawl, but this woman, her voice full of the gentility of the deep south, took me back so many years with her drawn out vowels and softened 'r's and a small smile spread across my lips when I heard her once more call me 'Mayjah'."
"Excuse me, Major? Are you there? Hello?"
I shook my head in an attempt to pull myself back into the present and apologized for my rudeness. She offered once more for me to join her and I felt strangely compelled to sit next to her. Why not solve this one small mystery before going off to end my life?
"Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Virginia, but please call my Ginny."
"It's an honor Miss Ginny, please call me Jasper" I replied gently kissing the back of her hand with southern gentility that I had long since let slide, yet was strangely compelled to utilize in her presence. As my lips grazed the back of her hand a dim yellowed memory filled my mind. I was kissing the back of a silken gloved hand as a room full of dancers in uniforms and long ornate gowns twirled in the background. As suddenly as the memory came, it left and I was once again sitting at the small table in Volterra.
I stared with wide eyes as I tried to bring back the memory that I had never before encountered in all the years I had been a vampire. In my early years I actively pursued my memories, trying desperately to piece together my past, but I could only remember a few faint memories of my mother, being in the army, and my encounter with Maria and her friends that led to my change. None of the memories I had ever managed to unearth were ever so gentile and peaceful. In that single memory I felt so much more peace than any memory of my former life and I smiled at the simplicity of the single pleasant memory.
We sat in quiet a few moments as I processed my thoughts finally locking eyes with Miss Ginny. I opened my mouth to ask her about the memory, but she cut me off first.
"I do apologize. I don' really control when my ability decides to work it's magic on someone."
"What is your ability Miss Ginny?"
"You really don' have to call me Miss, Ginny is fine, and my ability is linked to memories. My husband told me my whole life that I had a memory that rivaled the king of the elephants." She chuckled a little darkly lost in her memory and I felt sadness and longing coming off of her. "When I was changed, I held onto all of my human memories with absolute, vampire worthy clarity, and I can also bring forward memories in others. I can't manipulate their memories or share my own with others though, just help someone find their own and bring them out."
I nodded in understanding. "Your husband…was from your human life?"
She nodded and looked at the table sadly but there was also flicker of hope there too which confused me. "What happened to your husband?"
She locked her eyes on a spot on the table as sadness emanated from her slender form. "He was in the army, much like you, and went off to fight in that godforsaken war. At the time we were all so loyal to the cause, but in the end it was such a waste and the south was left with nothin' to show for the effort but desolation and despair." She laughed and mumbled more to herself than to me, "I guess some things never change."
She looked back up to my eyes. "Anyway, he disappeared in Texas, never to be heard from again. The popular theories were that he was captured and died in transit to a prisoner of war camp, he died on the battlefield and was simply too disfigured to identify, or he deserted and disappeared into the north. I definitely don' believe that last one. My love would never have deserted his men. He was highly honorable and cared far too much for his men to ever simply desert them."
She looked back at the table and to my utter shock a single tear trickled down her cheek as a sob choked her final words a bit, "We were only married for a week before he was shipped back out to the front line. Truth is I begged him to desert and run away with me. Somehow I knew I would never see him again, but he pulled my arms from around his neck and kissed my hands as he looked right into my eyes with his sapphire blue ones and said, 'My dearest Ginny, you know I could never do that. If I did then I wouldn't be a man worthy of your hand. I promise you that even if it takes a thousand years, I will find my way back to you. You are the love of my life.'"
She appeared lost in her memory as she lifted her fingers to her lips, "and then he leaned down and placed the most passionate kiss he had ever bestowed upon my lips, pulled me into a warm tight embrace and then kissed my forehead before turning to walk to his horse and turned back to flash me one more smile from those sweet lips and blow me a kiss before ridin' away from me to never return."
I reached my hands forward reflexively to cover hers reaching the other to wipe the tear that was traveling down her cheek and observed it in awe. "We can't cry Ginny. I…I don't understand."
She shook her head, "I don' know. Just another quirk that's special to me I guess. Maybe it's linked to the memories, maybe the venom somehow didn' invade my tear ducts completely, I really dunno…but I can and do frequently cry."
"Amazin'," I gasped as continued to stare awestruck. Sitting here with her like this, holding her hand suddenly visions of my family and my Alice flooded back into my mind and the pain reclaimed my chest as it tightened in reflex. I sucked in a deep breath in an attempt to fight off the oncoming sobs as visions of my sweet little Alice's face flickered past me in quick succession. My beautiful sweet precious Alice…my light and my life for so few years in the course of my existence and yet the only ones that felt as though my life was worthwhile.
In an instant I felt her hand pull out from under mine in haste and I looked up to see her apologetic eyes. "Oh Jasper, I'm so, so sorry. Oh dear, so much loss, so much love," her tears began to flow again, "so they really are gone and you came here to end your life?"
I nodded solemnly as I struggled to regain control over my grief. Then I heard seven words that about crushed what was left of my cold dead heart, "That's not what she wanted you know."
I looked up at her in confusion. How would she know? As far as I knew, Alice never mentioned a Ginny, not once. She didn't know my Alice so why did she feel the need to talk as if she did? I was suddenly filled with anger as I felt my eyes narrow at the face of this unknown vampire who I was not sure I could truly trust.
"How would you know? You didn't know my Alice!"
She shook her head slowly as she looked me straight in the eyes, total sincerity and understanding rippled toward me in waves. "No, I didn' know your Alice, but she somehow knew me. She sent this to me," she said pulling a small envelope from the back of her book and handing it to me, "I got this a month ago."
I looked at the envelope in my hands and ran my fingers over the small blue script that I recognized immediately as my Alice's handwriting. My hands trembled as I pulled apart the top of the envelope and took the single sheet of paper out opening it slowly with trepidation.
Dearest Ginny, I know you don't know me, but I feel as though I know you. I've seen you many times in my visions of the future. Right now we are facing an eminent battle and of all of the possible outcomes, there is only one positive amongst a sea of negatives, and I fear that we will not survive, save my husband and my love, my Jasper. If my worst nightmares do come true and we end up leaving him alone in this world, I have seen that he will go to Volterra and beg the Volturi to end his life. You are his only hope. Please, I know you don't know me and you owe me nothing, but I believe that you and only you can keep him from making such a dreadful decision. He is my life and my love and I can't bear the thought of him sacrificing himself in grief. The world needs my sweet caring Jasper. I'm not sure when he will arrive, but expect it to be anywhere from two weeks to two months after you receive this letter. Thank you and please forgive me. -Sincerely, Mary Alice Brandon Cullen Whitlock
I read the letter over many times as I shook my head at my Alice's selflessness. Even though she believed that she and the others would not survive, she wanted to make sure that I lived on. Why? Didn't she realize that my life meant nothing without her? They were my only family, my whole world. Life without them was not life but rather purgatory and torture.
"So you came here to stop me? You came because of a letter from someone you didn't even know asked you to come here and stop someone you don't even know from ending their existence? Why?"
She leaned forward and looked me in the eye as another tear ran down her pale cheek. "You've already forgotten Jasper, you have no memory of your past, but I kept every single one. You may not know me, but I do know you. Your Alice knew that I would remember and I wouldn' be able to just let you come here to die without at least tryin' to let you know you didn' have to be alone."
She touched her hand to mine again in a gesture of comfort and another dark and dingy memory flooded my mind…no not another memory, the rest of the first. My lips lingered on the back of the silken gloved hand as my eyes slowly rose to the face that belonged to the lovely hand I held pressed reverently to my lips. My gaze followed her long velvety looking arm to the sleeve of her lavender gown across her shoulder and collarbone and up to her beautiful sky blue eyes. Her eyes twinkled at me and the smile on her face was glorious and glowing.
"Why Major Whitlock, it am so pleased you could join us this evening. Daddy mentioned you were in town. How long will you be stayin'?"
"I am unsure Miss Benjamin. I am awaitin' orders before I know where my men and I will be headed next. I have heard rumors it will be Huston, but I am not sure."
A small delicate line invaded the space between her beautiful eyebrows as she frowned slightly. "Well please do be careful Major, I hear that things have gotten quite dangerous over there."
"Yes Ma'am." I could feel my heartbeat increasing in pace at the thought that this beautiful princess of the south was genuinely concerned for my welfare. We had known one another as children, but with age our differences in social standing had pulled us apart, but in our youth we had been best friends.
She smiled a tiny bit at my agreement to stay safe before continuing. "I've been tryin' to convince Daddy to invite over some of the officers for a dinner and he's simply ignored my request so far. I see no better time than the present to offer an invitation. Do you think that you and a few of your fellow officers would like to come over for dinner this week? Perhaps Tuesday night?"
My breath caught in my chest at the thought of spending a whole meal in the presence of the beautiful Virginia Benjamin and couldn't stop the wide smile that invaded my face. "Oh Miss Benjamin, I can safely say that we would be delighted."
The smile on her face was equally as enchanting. A new song started in the background and I reached forward to offer her my hand, "Would it be too forward to ask you for this dance?"
Her glowing smile widened as she placed her delicate hand in mine, "It would be an honor Major Whitlock." I could almost swear I saw a pink blush alight her cheeks as I led her graceful figure onto the dance floor and placed my hand respectfully on her waist as we began to twirl with the other dancers on the floor.
I felt the hand on mine pull away again and the memory I was lost in dematerialized from my mind and I was once again sitting at the table in Volterra. I looked back at the face sitting across from me that so closely resembled the one in my dream. "It was you," I whispered.
She nodded keeping her eyes locked on mine for a few moments before she looked around seeming to be startled. "Oh goodness Jasper…we've completely lost track of the time. The sun will be risin' soon."
I looked up and saw that she was right. She and I both stood at the same time. My time was up and the mystery was still only partially answered. I looked from her to the ornate doors that led to my demise and back to her a few times.
"I must go now Jasper. If you change your mind and end up not goin' to them, come find me. I live in the Ozark Mountains in Missouri. There aren't many of us there, so I'm sure you will be able to find me if you try." She reached forward and touched a long slender finger to my cheek affectionately before reaching forward and wrapping her arms around my neck for a quick hug and kiss on the cheek before turning to walk away.
I stood there for a long moment my face shifting from the large doors to her retreating figure and back again. I looked down at the letter still in my hands and could hear the words Ginny had just told me shortly before echoing in my head.
"That's not what she wanted you know." I know, but can I go on without her?
"That's not what she wanted you know." I am alone now. My family is gone.
I opened the paper and read the words once more. …You are his only hope. Please, I know you don't know me and you owe me nothing, but I believe that you and only you can keep him from making such a dreadful decision… The world needs my sweet caring Jasper…Thank you and please forgive me.
Why would this woman from my past long forgotten need to forgive my Alice? It made no sense. There were too many questions. I lifted my head again from the paper and looked once more at the large doors that would forever end my torment and back to the retreating female with the long mahogany hair…To my left peace, to my right answers. I pulled the letter in my hand to my chest. My Alice wanted me to live on, so much so that she pulled a phantom from my past to convince me to stay. There was no time limit on when I could come and ask the Volturi for my demise. I could always return again later. I would honor my Alice's last wish.
I turned and ran at inhuman speed as I yelled Ginny's name. She turned to look at me in surprise and I could see the trails on her face from the tears she had been shedding as she walked away from me. Her surprised face morphed into a wide smile that reached her eyes and suddenly I felt as though I was staring at the young girl in my dream again. She reached her hand out to me and I took it as we disappeared into the shadows of the alleyways just as the sun crested over the tall walls of the city.
