J.M.J.
A\N: This was my first fanfiction, and I just now decided to post it. Tell me what you think of it, since it is complete. It's a little funny, the way the hobbits interact, and it has a different style from my newer works. Review please! Thanks: Hobbit Freak.
Chapter One: Tookishly So
Pippin woke up to the sound of his cousin shaking him awake. "Pip! PIPPIN! GET UP! Its half past nine and you are late!" Merry said with annoyance brimming over in his speech. "Yes, well go away, I want to sleep. . . ." Pippin groggily murmured. "My goodness Peregrin! You are so unreliable, you make all these promises, that you never seem to carry out, and the whole Shire knows it!" Merry fumed before dumping Pippin off his bed with a twist of an arm. "Oh, ah, five more minutes, Merry." The sleepy hobbit whined.
"And you still want to sleep, after this whole lecture?"
Merry could not believe how his cousin acted sometimes.
"Alright Pippin. It's your choice to be a lazy, slothful, whiny, incompetent person!"
This was too much for our hobbit in question, tired though he was. Jumping up, he yelled, "I AM NOT LAZY! NOR WHINY!" Merry smiled in his mind. "Well Pippin, then I suggest that you get dressed and head over there and start working." The older hobbit said, handing Pippin his shirt. "Fine, you get your way, what's for breakfast?" Pippin yawned. Merry ran a hand down his face.
"Why do I even bother with you? Please tell me. . . . no, no, don't. You'll probably say something so stupid it'll ruin the rest of my day, so just get a move on."
And with that he left the room. "Oh bother!"Peregrin thought, pulling his blouse over his head. "I am unreliable."
"Pippin! Get. Out. Here. Now!"
"Never can escape that Meriadoc!" Pippin chuckled. - - -
Pippin looked out at the Brandywine River, once beautiful and sparkling, but now it was a scene of ruin. Alas for that, with work, it could be restored from its present condition. Pippin scanned the river's banks. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's late!" He exclaimed. A hobbit was wondering around by itself.
"Hey you there!"
Shouting, he ran over to the other. As Pippin approached, he came to a dead stop. "Oh, it's you." They both said at the same time. Pippin looked up and down the other hobbit, saying, "May I ask why you are wearing lads clothing, Diamond?" The lass scowled, her deep golden hair framed her face. "I just thought it would be easier to work in." She mumbled. Pippin stared at her blouse and trousers with eyes full of disgust; it was rather unorthodox for hobbit lasses to wear that sort of thing. "You came to help?" He asked. "What else would I be doing, Peregrin?" Diamond sneered.
"Well I'm going to . . ."
"I'm not going to work with you!" She interrupted quickly. "Well I don't want to work with you either!" Pippin yelled back.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
And off they stomped in different directions. An hour later, Pippin was dragging a long and crude chain out of the muddy bank, as he himself was covered in the stuff. "I . . . wish . . . gosh this is heavy! That Di' would come over here and help me . . . argh!" A thunderbolt cracked overhead. "Uh-oh. I'd better stop for today; a trip to Gondor couldn't keep me out in this weather!" he said to himself. With the wind picking up to a tremendous speed, he climbed over the crest of the bank, only to come face to face with Diamond.
"Peregrin, I came over here to warn you about the storm. You had better head home if there's any sense in that stupid brain of yours." She scoffed. With a struggle, Pippin pulled himself over the edge and huffed, "I really don't see why you think I'm so stupid as to stay out in this weather. You're the ridiculous one for coming over here to TELL ME SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW!" Diamond's green eyes flashed at his words.
"Well Pippin, at least I'm not A STUCK UP SPOILED THAIN'S BOY!"
Pippin, more than anything, hated to be called spoiled and stuck up. Just because he was the Thain's son, it didn't mean he was spoiled. But of course, Diamond, in her usual way, kept going, "And furthermore, you hang around that idiotic cousin of yours, that, that, Meriadoc!" Pippin was now thoroughly roused. Standing up to his full height, which was exactly four feet tall, he glared down at the little lass who was a constant terror to him.
"That Meriadoc just happens to be my first cousin and closest companion! You don't know anything about anything; you're just a midget pest! An annoying midget pest!"
Diamond was unnerved, exclaiming sardonically, "Well you don't have any room to talk, you're overgrown! And you have a swollen head! It's always Pippin this and Pippin that and Oh Pippin, you're such a hero! Bah! If I didn't know better, I give you a piece of my mind!" Pippin rolled his eyes to the extreme.
"Di', you just did. You always do! It's a known fact that you will give me a piece of your mind every time you lay eyes on me. You've been doing it since you were five years old!"
Lightning lit up the darkening sky. "Enough! I'm going home, and you will not harass me anymore! Goodbye!" Said Pippin as he took a few uncertain steps in the opposite direction, but came to a stop as it suddenly started pouring down rain in torrents. "Okay," He said slowly, turning back around to Diamond. ", it looks like I'm stuck with you. I don't want to be stuck with you, but it looks like I am." Diamond looked at him like he was a poisonous snake.
"I do not need your help, hero. You might be a celebrated warrior in some other places, but us North-Tooks know better. You're a wanna-be."
Pippin just couldn't bear it any longer; didn't she know that the King, the King mind you, gave him the honorable title of Troll's Bane? "My goodness Peregrin, who do you think you are?" Diamond snubbingly laughed. "I'LL TELL YOU WHO I AM!" Pippin roared. "I am a knight of the third citadel of Gondor, a TROLL'S BANE! And YOU happen to be MY bane at the moment, you, you, you little cock-a-whoop!" Diamond set her hands on her hips.
"I am the cock-a-whoop? YOU are the one who seems to be swaggering about like you're something else!"
"I am something else! I'm spectacular! I'm the Ernil i Perriath!"
"What in the Shire are you sputtering on about? You're not swaggering, you're just plain crazy! That's right, Pippin, you-are-crazy!"
Pippin hadn't won a fight yet with her, not in twenty-five years, so he had to let it go. He sighed, "Alright Diamond, you get your way, no matter how wrong you may be. I'll take you home now; this storm is getting worse by the second." Diamond folded her hands across her chest.
"I don't think my brother would want a lunatic taking me home, so until you leave, I'm staying right here."
Pippin heaved a heavy sigh and threw his hands up in the air, saying with exasperation, "That's it, you wee stupid lassie! You are not going home alone!" And with that, he threw a kicking and screaming Diamond over his shoulder and marched off in the direction of his favorite shortcut.
"AHHHHHH! PEREGRIN TOOK! UNHAND ME THIS VERY INSTANT, OR I SHALL CALL THE SHERIFFS ON YOU!"
Pippin, with ease, held Diamond securely over his shoulder. "I personally got rid of them until Merry can construct an honest band again, understand?" He quickly explained, enjoying it all the while. "No, no, no! You are abducting me. I'll make sure this gets out to the public!" Diamond shouted, whipping her wet hair off her face and trying to free herself.
"Shut it, Di'! I need to focus on where I am going, this shortcut doesn't look very familiar."
Pippin worriedly searched the forest that was surrounding him and Diamond. I don't seem to remember this part of the woods . . . hmmm, I'd better not tell Diamond, and then she'd start to tell me off about getting her lost! Pippin thought while trying to hold on to Diamond, who was struggling to get loose.
"Alright, Diamond! I'll let you down; just don't hurt yourself for heaven's sake!"
Pippin quickly tried to set her down, but fumbled and dropped her on her rear. "Oh you fool! You are so clumsy; I don't know why you had to man handle me!" Diamond yelled, tugging at her hair in frustration. "And I'm going to have to do it again if you are going to refuse to come out of the rain." Pippin said, walking briskly over to a large, hollow log. "I shall not indulge your spoiled wishes." She abruptly stated. "Well then," Pippin sighed, turned around, and picked Diamond up off the ground.
"PEREGRIN! YOU. ."
Thud. She was sat roughly down and pushed into the log. Pippin went over to the other side and climbed in. After a few minutes of silence and the rain softly pattering on the top of the log, Pippin coughed and broke the silence.
"Mm-hm, well so Di', how has things been over in Long Cleeve? I've heard that the crops this year have produced a full harvest."
No answer. Pippin shifted uncomfortably. "I guess you've heard about my adventures." He muttered. As soon as the words had left his lips, Pippin regretted them. That is the one thing she doesn't want to hear about! Why did I say that? Surprisingly, Diamond craned her neck around, and said, "Tell me. I haven't heard anything about them, if they're true, which they're probably not." she added, "But I want to know what it was like." Pippin closed his eyes. What was it like? Well, that was a question! How could he answer?
"It was something that was once in a lifetime thing . . . I can't explain it, it was something that. . . Oh, I can't explain it! But I'll tell you about it anyways."
And he did. For the next six hours, Pippin had Diamond roaring with laughter, blinking to cover up tears, and wondering in disbelieving awe as he related to her his travels. The storm had passed, too.
