Disclaimer: Me: Okay, fine. I don't own Twilight, or any of the characters. Are you happy now?

Edward: Yes. Gives me a hug

Me: Laughs hysterically and passes out

Bella: Edward, I'm leaving you!

Edward: But… why?

Bella: My heart belongs to another!

Edward: Who? Is it the werewolf? It's the werewolf, isn't it?

Bella: No, it isn't Jacob! (Le gasp) It's Philippe! (Pronounced Fill-eep-AY)

Edward: Who is this Philippe person?

Bella: This is him! Holds up a squirrel

Edward: That's a squirrel.

Bella: Yes, and we're getting married!

Edward: Bella, you can't marry a squirrel.

Bella: He's a very sexy squirrel. And, he shares my love of produce!

Philippe: Yo dude.

Edward: AAAAHHHH! Talking squirrel! (Runs away screaming like a girl)

Alice: Ooooh! I'm gong to buy a tuxedo for Philippe!

Rosalie: Even though I hate your guts, I'm going to throw a bridal shower for you!

All except Edward: Hooray! (Applause and table-dancing)