Ode to a small Green Lump of Putty I found in My Armpit one Midsummer's Day morning
"Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulentof his poem "Ode to a Small LumpofGreen Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstoneof Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison." From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
I woke up one morning, 'twas utterly fine,
to find in my armpit a green ball of slime
it slished and it sloshed, it jiggled and wiggled.
So I took it right out, inspected, and giggled
I examined it closely, it moved just a little
all it seemed like to me was some verdigris spittle,
distressed and disgruntled by this green congealation
I gonkled and gawked as it resumed its station
I pondered my problem, now what would solve this?
Oh, how to dispose of this axial grist?
A quest! To destroy this excrescence of doom
to be rid of, to blast, to have it gone soon!
Ah! perfect solution! my modest proposal!
Nibble my arm off, then deal with disposal..
"The plan's most impressive." My two heads agreed
thinking: "at least, it's the arm and not we."
and so, in the end, my arm faced it's doom
for the good of the whole, and an end to the tune
So say that you like it, if not, just to prove
it could always be worse, I'll write a sequel for you.
