voodoo.

never thought i'd be this crazy for you, baby…

I find myself inspecting my plate; anything, anything to keep from looking at you one more time. Why can't you glance up, just once, and find my eyes on you? Why can't you smile at me, why won't your mind think of me?

My failure is evident in the sidelong gaze I am receiving from my best friend. Perhaps he doesn't understand; but perhaps it's not that, perhaps he just does not wish to. So I continue to watch you, though I have tried not to. And the attempt was a futile one.

You are molded completely from innocence and goodness. We all know this by now. What cast was I made from? Obviously nothing you would be interested in; obviously you don't care where I've come from. Or where I'll go to. Maybe you shouldn't, but then again, one can only hope…

A recent development; you notice me. Emerald green encounters hazel. Good and bad.

And you're sifting through my head now, and you know exactly what I am thinking of. And you know that I am thinking of only you.

It does not take long for the familiar abhorrence to set into your face and you turn away from me at length. No one hears my desolate sigh. I am nothing now, compared to what I could be with you.

"Why?"

My friend peeks at me again. "Why what?"

"Why won't she think of me?"

A pained look flits across his face but he feigns as if it hadn't appeared. "Because, James."

Frustration flows through my body. "Because why?"

"Because she's Lily Evans. She's perfect. Perfect for you. And she hates that she's found someone who isn't what she matches."

Utter contradiction of my own thinking, Sirius. I don't say a word. More importantly, I don't scream at him and inform him of his mistaken train of thought.

Instead, I simply scrutinize my plate once more.

A recent development; Sirius tells me that you watch me too, when you know I'm not paying any mind.

He seems to think that it means something.

Maybe I don't understand. But I wish I did.

got a spell on me, it's voodoo.

author note: just a little something I felt like writing. Please review 33 and this was brought to you by "Come on, Get Up" - Janet Jackson.