Quidditch
pitch: Harry Potter catches the snitch Draco:Potter,kindly
let go of my snitch. Hermione:Ron!stop fondling my quaffles! Cho
arrives and runs quietly into broom shed Cho:OMG!yes!ahhh!thats
it!tap that,catch that snitch! Cedric:Ya, me too!Stop
hogging,I want some action! Moaning
Myrtle floats in seductively Myrtle:I always thought you were
the handsome one,Ced-e-ric! Hermione:Get
your own broomstick,Myrtle! Ginny:You know Neville,this reminds me of
when Riddle captured me and showed me his snake.It was soooooo
big! Mcgonnagal:Presenting,for
no reson,Viktor Krum! "I'm too sexy for my hat"
comes on and Krum appears wearing drag and a pink g-string then
realises he's at hogwarts Krum:Oups! Wrong place!Pay no
attention to the man behind the curtain! Rustling sound in
woods Krum:There we
go!Now,Turbohiney,come we play Quidditchwiggles
eyebrowsTurbohiney? In distance Hermione:Weasley is
my king!He always gets that broomstick in!WEASLEY IS MY
KING! Suddenly Fleur Delacour walks in and tries to seduce
Draco Lucious:Draco!You know not to meddle with such
filth! Fleur starts singing to the tune of "Stacey's
mom" Fleur:Draco's dad is sexy when he's
mad! Lupin walks over to Angelina Johnson and
whispers in her ear Lupin:Mmmmm...Chocolate!How would you
like to make me feel better? Madame
Maxime:Theess game ees making me 'ungree! Dumbledore
walks in Snape
walks in swishing his wand Collin:If I develop these right, I
can get 'em to move! Minerva:place
your hand on my right butt cheek! In distance Voldemort:Evil laughI shall seduce you all
under the Imperious curse! Snuffles walks onto Quidditch
pitch Snuffles:Dude!I don't swing that
way!Lupin! DISCLAIMER:this story does not
contain sexual content except for the fact that it totally
does! selena:sam,dont you think we should've put that at the
beginning of the story?
Harry:oups .wrong one.sorry.
Draco:that's
alright, I like it kinky!imitates whip noise
Harry:backs away
slowly
Ron:but
they're so beau-tifullllll!Where did you hide these this past
year?
Hermione:Behind my back!Remember when i had a hunchback?And
by the way...my hair's not the only thing that's
bushy!winks
Ron:...um...
Rita Skeeter:Young love!
Fred+George Weasley:Well,I think
we're off to beat a couple hard bludgers!
Harry:What the hell are
you doing with my firebolt?
Cho:GrowlsI like it fast!I love
riding your broomstick.
Luna:OMG!Crumple-horned
snorkhack!
Neville:No, that's just Cho riding Harry's
broomstick!
Draco:Can I have a turn?
Hermione:Wait...you're dead!
Cedric:...um...
Ron:You can't say anything,
Hermione!You won't even ride my broomstick!
Hermione:But it's so
small!I can never tell if I'm on or not.I'm scared I'll
fall!
Ron:Shhhh!I can never get it up!Watch!up...up...up...up!It
won't stay up!
Mione:Here, does this help?Shows him her
quaffles
Ron:it's up!
Crowd:Weasley is our king!He can get
off on anything!
Neville:I know!
Ginny:...but i thought I was his
first?
Neville:Apparently not!heheheh!
Viktor emerges dressed in uniform
Krum:So...uh...hi Ginny!
Neville:As if!Get your
own!
Lucious:Turns and growls
Both disapear
mysteriously
Angelina:But ,you're a
werewolf!
Lupin:SingingYou and me ,baby,ain't nothin but
mammals!So let's do it like they do on the discovery
channel!
Angelina:You got a point there!Come on wolfboy!
Hagrid:SingingYou like
my sausages
They disappear into forest
Hagrid:While you're
eating my sausages,I can explore your forbidden forest!
Dumbledore:I think I saw a porno like this once!
Someone
from crowd:Ya! Turbohiney 3!
Boy who spoke gets smacked by
gf
Ron:What!
Mione:BlushesOh well there was this one time
when me and Viktor made these 3 porno movies...Mmmmmm
broomstick!
Dumbledore:Ya!Hard-core slavic shit!Heheh!
Creevey bros get excited and Collin
starts flashing his camera
snape:Checks him outStarts singingI'm too
sexy for my potions!Too sexy for my dungeon!
Dumbledore:where?
minerva:Just
do it damnit!Imperio!
Snape:singingI can do
my lil turn on the Quidditch pitch!Cus many things happen on the
Quidditch pitch!
trelawney:You don't need that curse on
me, my Lord!GrowlsAnd I heard you had a pretty big
snake!
Voldemort:Ginny!who'd you tell?
Ginny:I didn't tell
,Babe!
Neville:WinksI love yo ass in those
jeans,dahlin!
Voldemort:In gay voiceReally?You don't think they
make me look fat?
Trelawney:Nope!it's totally tappable!we should
have a go in that broom shed once that slut Cho gets out!
Cho:Kiss
my big white hairy dick!Oh...I mean ass!
Harry:Oh, so that's what
keeps on poking me!
Fang shows up
Fang starts licking
snuffles
Lupin:Shut up!I'm eating
chocolate!
Narrator-that-suddenly-appears-at-the-end-of-this-porno-ish-story:And
thus ends the world's best Quidditch match at the magical place that
is Hogwarts!
Lupin:Aroooooo!
sam:shut up!its 2 in the morning
ok?...ya...maybe you're right...
