Hey, hello, sup guys. This THE first fanfic I've ever written so yeah please no ugly and mean comments (I'm so weird and awkward…) Sooo I guess we'll just see if this gets a nice response or something and/or if I feel inspired for like another chapter and stuff. Here it is.
CHAPTER 1
(Elena POV)
"Liam! Hey!" I call out to well yeah, you guessed it! Liam. I really don't know how to act around him anymore and no it's not in a 'I like you and I hope you like me back but I don't know' awkward kind of way it's more of a 'hey I kissed you, my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend I don't know) came back from the dead and I have no idea how I feel about him, and everything changed' kind of awkward.
"Elena, hi" he says. I caught him studying… must be important, maybe I should ask later or maybe I shouldn't ask at all. I still have to figure out what I feel about Damon and it's going to be a lot harder since Alaric crossed the mystic falls town borders and turned into a human meaning I won't be getting my memories back. So I now I'm just stuck with the doubt of how could I ever love someone that killed and manipulated people for his own enjoyment. A monster. Of course everyone is telling me that he's done a whole bunch of good things but I just don't remember it. I only remember the bad. And it's a lot. "Elena, are you okay? You look pissed" I think that's what he said, I'm not sure, I was too distracted with my very deep Damon-hating thoughts. I just I honestly don't know how I could ever love him. It doesn't make sense.
"What?" is all I can say. What is wrong with me? I've been feeling so awkward since Damon came back he's really messing with my head.
"Well, what I was trying to ask while you zoned out is what you were gonna tell me I'm sort of in a hurry 'cause you know" he said signaling his shirt. He's wearing the same shirt I use when it's my shift at the hospital. So I got to say something…
"Uhhh yeah nothing. Just wanted to say hi" what was that?! Oh god.
"Ok… well I got to run. See you later today?"
"Sure"
And I'm really surprised about what he does next. He kissed me. It wasn't like a passionate kiss or anything it was just a peck of the lips, too quick for me to process what I was feeling or maybe it wasn't anything at all. I'm not sure.
I texted Liam because I'm feeling better and less awkward and more like myself. I suppose I was still feeling weird from last night.
I decided that I needed to stop running away from Damon so when he knocked my door and I opened it, this time I didn't panic, this time I didn't run away. I stayed and I looked him in the eye. I could see all the emotions going on, he was nervous, scared, worried, vulnerable I couldn't believe that I or anyone could make those emotions go through Damon but I did. I really didn't know what to say or do I just stood there looking at his beautiful blue eyes for what felt like hours but they were barely minutes. And in that moment I understood, completely. Damon wasn't the same person that I have in my memories he changed in that long time that I can't seem to remember. The Damon I do remember didn't care about anyone but himself, he was cruel, manipulating, and all the terrible things you could imagine, he was it.
But the Damon I see before me right now is so different. He looks like he would die for me if I asked him to, which might sound like I'm exaggerating but it's his eyes. His eyes tell me everything. He doesn't need to speak. With just one look he tells me a thousand things and I know. I know how much he missed me. I know how worried he is that I won't ever want him back. And I think I know how much he loves me I can't be sure it just seems like too much that doesn't even look possible.
I wonder if my eyes can tell him so many things like his do. I just have too much in my mind. Like I said before, I can't judge him for what I only remember; it's just half of the story what about the rest? It's gone and it's never coming back. I'll never know how or why exactly I fell in love with him. I'll never know if he actually changed or if it's a lie. I'll never know anything for sure. But I have to trust him. I need to figure this out.
I can't help but feel sad. He spent four months trying to get back to me. To see me again. To be with me and his brother again. And when he comes back he finds out that I actually erased him from my memories well at least the parts in which I loved him. And then all the hopes of me getting those memories back, just gone.
Sadly, I had to stop this long moment of just staring deep into his eyes, it was just too much. So I did what anyone would do.
I coughed.
And then the moment was over, the awkwardness started. Wait, was he fidgeting? I know I shouldn't even think it but I have to admit that he looks cute. He has no idea what he's supposed to do. Neither do I for that matter but I guess I can just contain my emotions better. I think he noticed that I noticed that he was nervous because what he said after really made it seem like he read my mind or something.
"I never…" said Damon cutting himself off.
"You never what?" I asked feeling genuinely curious about what he was going to say. He was about to tell me but he hesitated until finally did.
"I never felt nervous when we were together, guess now everything is different" he said.
"Yeah, I guess it is" I sighed I really just don't know what to do anymore I'm just so confused. I just need time to think, so I said all I could think of. "Look I don't want to hurt you. I practically don't know you so what do you say we stay as friends ok?"
I could see his face fall with disappointment but that's all I could do at the moment I just can't leap back into a relationship with him, I'm already in one with Liam.
"Yeah, sure. I-I'll just go now, goodnight Elena" is all he said before he left. And there I was sitting on the floor with my back to the door just trying to think straight but everything comes out as one big jumbled mess.
My memory is interrupted by the sound of my phone buzzing. Liam just texted me back. He just told me to meet him in one of the benches in campus, the one that is next to the only apple tree in Whitmore. I responded with a quick text agreeing and saying that I'll be there in five minutes.
So I went and Liam was already waiting for me at the bench I said hey and leaned down for another kiss. I honestly don't feel anything different with Liam. Like no spark. Maybe if we get to know each other a little better…
"soooo"
"sooo" said Liam but he seemed kind of nervous. Does he know? Am I really that transparent? "so I'm thinking you should be my date to the fundraiser"
"Me?" I asked very surprised since I was going to ask him this morning but I was starting to have my doubts because of Damon. I was also slightly shocked that it wasn't about me thinking about how we have no spark and how I have unresolved feelings about another guy.
"Yeah. I mean we've been on a couple dates and I thought 'why not one more?'"
"Sure! Why not?" I tried to put on my best fake smile but I don't know if it turned out right. I don't want to hurt anyone I really don't but you know what? I deserve to do what I want once I a while I liked Liam I might have not felt anything in our first kisses but it can turn into more. I can't just sacrifice everything for someone who last I checked is a psychotic killer well was a psychotic killer. I need to still be able to live my life the way it was before Damon came back. And that is what I'm gonna do.
"You're going on a date with someone else? Right after Damon came back? Are you sure that's ok?" asked Caroline. I just had to tell someone.
"I-I don't know. All I know is that I have to keep living my life like I was before. I was happy and now I'm just so confused I deserve to have a little bit of free time from the exhausting hours of the day that I spend thinking about what I'm gonna do about Damon" I answered.
"Yeah but you told me just yesterday that you wanted your memories back"
"I know. But Alaric is human which means I won't be getting them so we're just gonna stay friends. I have no idea what else to do"
Caroline stayed silent I wasn't actually sure if she had hung up on me but then I heard a sigh and the a soft laugh so I asked "what?"
"Nothing. It's just, even though you can't remember loving him. Your relationship with him is still the same."
"How?"
Caroline waited for a moment but then she answered "complicated. I mean you both loved each other so much. That was the only thing simple about you two." She let out another sigh "You were so sure about how you felt about the other no doubts, not ever. And that's why you stayed together because no matter what happened you just couldn't stop loving each other, honestly it was annoying sometimes" she finished. I was actually very shocked that she told me this because she hates Damon, with all she's got or at least she hated him.
I had no words left. I was left speechless. Every time I hear his name I grow more confused. I don't know what to say or do or think anymore all I know is that I need to know more.
Yeah this chapter was more Elena centric and the next one will be more Damon and I think Liam is a little OOC and Elena too but it's just really hard I'll try to make next chapter better but I really hope you liked it and pls review and maybe tell what you think is going to happen in the next chapter and other stuff. *sending baby unicorns of happiness*
