Awakening

Chapter One: Xellos

Questions

Anger.

Anger is a funny thing, is it not?

It causes so many deaths.

So much pain.

What is anger?

Love.

That is a funny thing as well.

It causes deaths also.

And pain.

What is love?

Are the two really all that different? Why, then, is love always valued above anger? Is it for that one chance, that one tiny perhaps, that you have found the missing piece of your heart?

Mazoku do not bother with such nonsense. Love? What is that? Does it benefit me? Anger? It blocks the mind. You do not think clearly when anger clouds your mind. It most certainly does not benefit. Humans do. Love helps them be strong, they say. Anger helps them be strong, they say. So. Are they really that different after all? Then why are they so different?

Is love merely anger, in another form?

And is anger merely love, in another form?

Or are they one and the same, and only named differently?

Questions are not good for a Mazoku only one under the Mazoku Lords. You cannot question the higher ranks. And the lower ranks surely do not know any more than you. And. My liege lord. Juuo-sama. Lord Beastmaster. Straightforward kind of Mazoku. Not affectionate. Not cruel. Has to think about any consequences before acting. Wise. But, as a Mazoku, she knows little of emotions. She was created a Mazoku by L-sama herself.

Who can I ask?

So it was with these thoughts, I turned to the last person in the world I expected to help me.

Mazoku and Ryuuzoku have hated each other for centuries now. We two are not much different. But still. You may tell me, just to show that Ryuuzoku are superior. You probably would. But I asked you anyway. A Golden Ryuuzoku.

High Priestess to the Fire Dragon King.

Filia.

Filia Ul Copt.

You seem surprised, at first. A little disturbed that I, a Mazoku, would have such questions. And a little bit of that other of love. A little angry that I am speaking to you. But mace-sama did not come into play. You question me, first. Wanting to know why I wish to know about such things. Was I not a creature without feelings? The response to that was simple.

"Sora wa himitsu desu, Fi-chan."

You look annoyed, but still mace-sama does not appear. I have caught you in a good mood, perhaps. You call me a familiar name, but I have long since grown used to that.

"Namagami. Why do you want to know anyway? You have no need of that knowledge. It wouldn't benefit you, would it now?"

You are beginning to know me too well. I am losing that mysterious aura, I suppose. Well. I do visit a lot, even if just to see Val. We all love Ancient Dragons just learning of their magic, don't we? Well, I am a masochist.

"Hello? Anyone home?"

You are waving your hand in front of my face. I snap out of my daze and plaster that smile that annoys you so much back on. Perhaps too abruptly.

"I'm right here, Fi-chan."

You blink owlishly at me. Have I caught you napping? The day seems unreal to me. Perhaps to you, as well. What do the humans call it again? Out of it. We both are out of it. What, then, was being in it? I wonder about those humans. They have so few reasons to do anything. I do believe they live a fuller life for that, though.

"You're really dazed today, Namagami. Did you lose your tiny little mind out in the astral plane somewhere?"

I stare at you through closed eyes. You have gotten sharper over the years. More suspicious. Cynical.

"Our kitten has grown claws, I see. Feeling cruel today, are we, Fi-chan?"

When did you stop getting annoyed at me for calling you that? Come to think of it, when did I stop getting annoyed at you for calling me Namagami? When did we do anything? The tentative peace between us is wearing thin, I see. Your patience was never very long with me.

"Well? Why do you want to know?"

"Can you tell me, Fi-chan? Or do you also not know?"

It is a rhetorical question. Of course you know. You know what your elders taught you. But do you know the other side to it? You know what your elders taught you about the slaughter of the Ancient Dragons. You know now the other side. You know about the War of Monster's Fall, also from your elders. But you have not yet heard my side of it. You look at me, then speak.

"Close your eyes again, please, Namagami. You look even freakier than usual with those eyes open."

I shut them, startled. I did not notice that I have been examining you through narrowed eyes. I must not let my guard down like that. Getting old, are we now, Xellos? I chuckle to myself.

"What's so funny?"

Your crystal blue eyes are narrowed. Suspicious. I smile at you.

"Nothing at all, Fi-chan. So. Can you tell me?" You sigh, and I can almost see your thoughts, wondering about my sanity. Many have.

"Love and anger are indeed very similar, Namagami." I am slightly surprised. From you, I would have been lucky to get a few sentences on this. However, it seems you are ready to launch into a full-fledged speech. Perhaps you do hold the answer. I will wait and see.

"Anger is a driving emotion. It helps humans- and some other races- be strong. Love is also a driving emotion. However, as I am sure you know, love is considered a positive emotion and anger a negative one." I open my eyes again. You seem to not notice. "Love is a hopeful emotion. It is as much a dangerous emotion as anger, but the pain that it can cause is usually internal. There is very little chance that you can find your true soul mate. It seems that humans have a better chance than any other race of this. Perhaps it is because they have such short lifetimes. True love is seemingly pointless. Does it exist? Or is it merely lust at its highest, most deceptive form? Who is to know?" Here you pause to look at me. "Follow me?"

"Yes."

"Love is when you are willing to sacrifice all you have, all you are, for the other person. There is a link between you, although not physical, you ache when you are apart. Some races actually form a bond through the highest white magic. This is very rare, however."

I watch you. You do not seem to be taking this from textbook material. "Have you such a bond with anyone?" I ask. It is a spur of the moment question, but you answer it. It seems you have forgotten whom you speak to.

"No." You say. "All I can do for now is hope that someone will come." You add, a little dreamily. Even after all the years of your life, you still believe a little in true love, do you not, my little Ryuuzoku?

"What is anger?"

"It is when you feel a force behind your actions, you feel almost powerless to stop this feeling. It is aroused when someone hurts you, physically or psychologically. You feel the urge to hurt the person back, and if you cannot reach that person, anyone else around you. It is, in a sense, a lust for pain. I'm sure you know all about that."

It makes some sense now. However, your words merely give me a new question to ask.

"What, then, is hope?"

You blink at me again. I know that all these questions, especially from a Mazoku like me, are unusual. You seem at a loss for explanation for a moment, then settle on an answer. You look me in the eye, and I realize that I have left them open for a long time. However, I do not close them. You are making me strange, no doubt of that. Ah yes, you are a very unique little dragon girl, are you not, Filia?

"Hope. Hmm." You look up at the ceiling, then back at me. "Have you ever heard the story of the Box of Nightmares?" I shake my head. I have heard no stories except those that would benefit me. Very Mazoku.

"Well, you do know that in the beginning, there was just the Sea of Chaos, and the Lord of Nightmares. When she created the world, in the beginning, there was peace. Everything was good. Even among the Mazoku." Even speaking of such a thing, even when we are finally at a kind of peace, you find some dig to poke at me. How typical. "Well, the Lord of Nightmares, so the story goes, got bored, and, just to see what would happen, she created a box, strewn all over with magical jewels and charms of protection, and gave it to a girl named Trouble Hope. Now, this box could not be opened unless you had extremely powerful magic powers. The Lord of Nightmares did not tell Trouble what the box contained, only not to open it, so of course she set to work, learning all the magic that was available at the time. Then, there was only white magic, so just imagine a Lina that used all the strongest white magic there was. Armed with all her knowledge, she went to the box and opened it. In an instant, all the problems of the world we know today flew out. There are two endings after this, however. One is that she managed to let out the last thing left in the box, and that was Hope. The other, which seems to make more sense, was that she managed to slam the lid of the box back on, trapping the last thing that was in there: Foresight. If everyone knew what bad things would happen to them in their life, they would just give up. As it is, they do not know, and so they can hope. Because it was Trouble that let all the evils out of the box, they gave her name to the things that she let out. But her second name was given to the good thing that she gave to the world: Hope. That's the story."

I nod. "I see." I say. You look at me, surprised that I am there. You lost yourself in your story, did you not? Would I be right in guessing that this is one of your favorite stories? Perhaps from when you were but a little child. Perhaps. "It's an … interesting story." I say.

"I used to love that story." You say softly. "I heard it when I was very little. My … mother … was the one who told me." You lower your eyes and examine the patterning of a teacup. Was it but my imagination, or do I see a suspicious moistening of your eyes? Everyone dies eventually, Filia. You know that, do you not? She did die, am I right? But dragons live long lives. You are but one thousand? Perhaps more than that, but no older than a millennium and a half. Your mother, according to usual dragon custom, would have birthed you at two millennia. Most dragons live for many, many millennia. Your mother was young to die. She did not die of natural causes, or did she die from sickness? But it is very rare for dragons to catch even a cold. Monster's Fall? Perhaps.

"Your mother?" I say. "Where is she now?" I ask, even though I already know the answer. I need to be sure. Oh yes, I am the Beastmaster's creation.

"She's … dead." You say, your voice suddenly going flat, devoid of emotion. "She died a thousand years ago, at the War of Monster's Fall." Suddenly, you look me straight in the eye again, but this time your crystal blue- and beautiful, yes, beautiful- eyes are angry. "Do you want to know why she died? Why my family died? Why I hate you?" I blink in surprise. This is different from your usual wild anger. This is a cold fury, bottled up for centuries now. "You." The single word is spat at me, slapping me with the force with which it is said, even though it is nearly whispered. "You killed them." Your eyes bore into me a moment more, and I close my eyes against the force of them. It is as if you are searching my entire being with those sapphire orbs. My very soul.

Suddenly, the small bells over the door of your shop tinkles, and a woman pushes in. You break off your stare, which I can still see branded into my eyelids, and hurry to assist the customer. I watch you through lidded eyes, then phase out. That is quite enough talk for today. Particularly of that kind.