Babysitting Blues

**

Xelloss: Couldn't think of a better title than that?

NoV: Don't you worry, Xelloss, you'll get yours.

Xelloss: Well, it's about time I got paid for this! I'll take cash or sexual favors, please.

Lina: (bonks Xelloss on the head) That's not what she meant, you fruitcake.

Zelgadis: So, what's with the sudden mystery fic that you haven't explained to anyone in this room? Is it about me? Just get it over with! Is it??

NoV: Nope. ^.^

Zelgadis: Good. I don't want to be babysitting some annoying little kids who'll grab my clothes and pull my hair and chisel my face and spread diseases and ultimately bring about the doom of mankind!!!

NoV: Well......that is exactly the kind of logic and paranoia instilled in the main character of this story.

Gourry: OOOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOOooohhh.

NoV: .....indeed.

Amelia: Why haven't you revealed anything about this particular fic to us?? It is unJusticeful to keep secrets! (eyes Xelloss)

NoV: Well....let's just say I don't want this certain person to flee before the fic begins because they don't want to go through with it or something.....

Xelloss: See, Zel-chan? She lied to you. You'll be ridden with doom by the children of the corn-err the apocalypse!

Zelgadis: What?? No!

NoV: Don't listen to him. He has no idea what he's talking about. (cracks knuckles) Well, I guess it's about time to start the fic. Enjoy! ^_^

**

Xelloss sat perched on the branch of a tall oak tree, overlooking a small restaurant. He leaned against the trunk of the tree, putting his arms behind his head, in a relaxed pose. The mazoku watched Lina and Gourry inside the restaurant, battling over food, while Amelia clung to Zelgadis on the other end of the table. It seemed that it would be another typical day traveling around with Lina Inverse and her small crew.

Xelloss! a voice snapped in his head. I'd like to see you now.

Without having to think, Xelloss teleported from the branch to Zelas' throne room on Wolf Pack Island. He landed in a kneeling position, lifting his head to look upon his creator.

"Yes, Mommy?" he asked in anticipation, his eyes growing large and sparkily.

"Um....." Zelas stared at his impossibly huge eyes for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you about a few things-" She was abruptly cut off.

"You're replacing me, aren't you??" Xelloss cried.

"No," Beastmaster replied, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Then, you're just going to destroy me! Or send me away! Or punish me! Or eat me! Or-or-stop loving me!!!" he wailed.

"NO!! I command you to stop that!" she roared.

"Meep," he squeaked.

"Now," she continued, swirling her wine around its glass, "as I was saying, I need to talk to you about some things.....to prepare you for what I'm going to do." He opened his mouth to accuse her of something else, but she held up her hand, silencing him. "I don't want you to panic about what I'm going to tell you. Just allow your mind to take it all in. Oh-kay?" Xelloss nodded. She sighed. "All right. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for the Bahamas and I'll be gone for three weeks."

He didn't respond.

"Are you going to die without me here?" she wondered, raising an eyebrow.

His left eyelid twitched.

"Xelloss?"

His bottom lip quivered.

"Are you oh-kay?"

He suddenly latched onto her leg, tears streaming down his face. "Please don't leave me alone!!!!"

She stared at him for a few moments. "Let go," she said, flatly. He did. "Xelloss, this is exactly why I NEED a vacation! You are grating on my nerves!!"

Xelloss sniffled, looking up at her sadly from the floor. "Zelas-sama doesn't love me anymore."

"Now, that-" she began.

"-is a secret that you've been keeping from me all these years!!!" he finished, standing up and holding his hands on his face, dramatically.

Zelas gaped at him for a minute. "I've made a decision. I'm hiring you a nanny."

Xelloss' mouth dropped to the floor. "What??" he demanded. "A nanny?? Why??"

"Because without SOMEONE here, you'll lose your mind and probably destroy the world!" she yelled.

"I thought we wanted to destroy the world," he said, turning his head to the side.

"Well....." The Beastmaster thought for a moment. "We do.....just not while we're both on it."

"But what if the nanny neglects and abuses me?" he cried. "You'd never forgive yourself! You know you wouldn't!"

"But, that's where your wrong, Xelloss, my boy!" she declared, picking something off the floor. "I'm using one of the most reliable sources of reliability known to woman-" She showed him a copy of the newspaper. "The want ads."

**

Zelas went into the adjoining room and pulled a cell phone out of the air. She dialed the number indicated in the want ads.

"Hello? Are you....um....Mary Sunshine?" the Beastmaster asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm glad I caught you before you left your house. I have a job for you. I want you to be my....my son's nanny for three weeks while I go on vacation.....yes. I'll pay whatever you're requiring. Well, my son may be a little difficult. You see, he's somewhat hard to deal with, as he suspects that everyone is trying to kill him. But, I trust that you won't have a problem getting him to trust you, right? That's good to hear. Goodbye."

**

Xelloss had been listening as well as possible through the door, every now and then getting snips of the conversation. ".....glad I caught you......have a job for you.....I want you to be my son.....while I go on vacation......pay whatever you're requiring.....my son may be a little difficult......to kill......you won't have a problem....right.....goodbye."

"Ahh!! She's trying to knock me off the food chain!! She's replacing me!" the priest exclaimed. He opened the door quickly. "No! Don't do it!!!" he wailed, seeing Beastmaster sitting on the bed.

Zelas turned off the phone and snapped it out of existence. "Congratulations, Xelly," she said, continuing to pack her suitcases. "You have a nanny."

"But I don't wanna nanny!!" he whined, throwing himself on her dark blue suitcases to stop her from packing. "I just want you to stay here with me forever!! Don't LEAVE ME!!! Please don't let her kill me!! I'll be good!! So much more good than you could ever possibly imagine!!!"

"Xelloss, get off of my clothes!" she snapped, pulling a scanty pink nightgown out from under him.

The priest teleported directly behind her and glomped her around the neck. "Don't go!!! I need you!!"

"Gack!" Zelas said, choking. "Let go." He did. "It's time you grew up. I'm not going to be around forever, and neither are you."

"AAH! Don't say that!" he cried, abruptly.

The mazoku lord closed her last suitcase and picked them all up. "Xelloss, let go!" she exclaimed, trying to get out the door with Xelloss attached to her leg.

"Don't goooooo!!!" he wailed.

With one powerful kick, Zelas was free of her lackey and disappeared from view. "Goodbye!" a voice called from nowhere. "The nanny will be here in an hour! If you're bored, then why don't you get Lina Inverse and her little friends to come and entertain you?"

"Yes," Xelloss said, upon sudden realization. He rubbed his hands together, plotting. "That's exactly what I'll do!!"

**

NoV: To be continued. ^_^

Zelgadis: (rolling with laughter) This is the best fic ever!!

Xelloss: Oh, sure. You're having fun because pseudo-me isn't.

Zelgadis: (snicker) Exactly.

NoV: Well, that's it for part one! Stay tuned for part two if you will!! ^_^

Xelloss: And find out if pseudo-me is anymore paranoid than we've already established. ^;^