I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts - Adele "One and Only"
"It takes stamina to catch a Southern girl... and an exceptional man to hold on to her."
Mac had heard Jo deliver that line teasingly to her daughter Ellie as they had lunch in the lab kitchen one day, Ellie a nervous wreck about her upcoming dance and her date with Tim Porter.
It was advice he had decided to take to heart when four months away from the lab had made him take stock of a few things, namely his lack of a life that didn't involve his job. He hadn't always been that man... that was only the Mac Taylor who had somehow survived the loss of his wife. But before, he'd known how to have balance, how to believe in a future that wouldn't be ripped away from him. Before he'd had faith that love was the price you paid to have it.
Somehow standing in front of the memorial on September 11th, the pain of that awful day ten years ago muted by time and grief and acceptance, had let Mac say good-bye to Claire in a way that he had been unable to until that moment. Not that he hadn't cared for other women or allowed himself the comfort of deep human connection... but the fear of losing something so cherished again... it had held him back, and he fully understood that as he stood in the sea of people who had lost so much with him in the dust that had become the Twin Towers.
But he walked away free... free of that thing that had kept him from surrendering, finally, to needing and wanting and trusting absolutely again. Because he could honestly say now that he'd live the entirety of the last ten years over again if it meant he had loved Claire every precious minute that they'd had together... and so it was time to admit he could do it again if he let himself try... if he'd just let himself fall.
The who hadn't really been in question. For months, Mac had been trying to rationalize the little pulls in his gut when Jo Danville laughed, to explain away the smile that came to him unbidden when she leaned into his doorway and spoke his name aloud. Attraction, infatuation, desire, fascination... they were all words he'd use to describe what he felt. But then he'd left the NYPD and the crime lab.
Absence... it had become the dominant word in his life during those months, and Mac still struggled to explain it to those closest to him. He'd felt separate from his own life, from the city he loved, from the job that had given him purpose, and the friends who had held him upright in his darkest moments. It had also removed the daily pleasures of his partnership with Jo... the lilt of her Southern accent, the ease of her smile, the way she could make him feel taken care of and thrown off kilter all in one conversation. And it was the absence of those and a hundred other little bits of her he'd come to need that had helped Mac decide not just to return to the force or his job, but to make a plan to do something about the plaintiff whisper inside of him that he had ignored for too long.
Of course, before he could set anything in motion with Jo, there had been the red tape and hurdles of the NYPD to contend with. The chief was more than pleased to get Mac reinstated, but it came with some questions. Jo had been promoted to head of the crime lab, and his return left them with a quandary; she had certainly earned the job and was more than qualified for it, and yet technically, Mac's tenure meant he should return to the head supervisor's role.
Per usual, Jo had taken a very Jo-like stance on the whole situation.
"Good lord. Just tell him to call us co-supervisors and get you back to work. I'm more than happy to give up half the paperwork."
His first day back, he had returned to find Jo packing up "his" office to move into a smaller private office down the hall. When he'd argued he would be fine setting up in the other location, he'd gotten that scolding expression that was usually reserved for him working too many hours without a break.
"You and I both know all this space is just an invitation for my usual mess to double in size. Besides... I kinda like the way you look in this office."
The next morning, Mac had arrived to find a box in the middle of his former and once again current desk. Inside, he found a photograph of him, Ellie, and Jo that Danny had taken when they'd all been out playing baseball one weekend against one of the fire houses. He remembered that day vividly... especially the way Jo had jumped into his arms in celebration after her stolen base had triggered an error that sealed the victory for their team.
The gift took up a special place on his desk, and then Mac had made his way to Jo's office to ask if she'd catch him up on the cases they'd been working while he'd been on leave.
He'd wondered even then if she had questioned his motives. After all, he could easily have looked through the open case files on the computer. But Jo had agreed anyway, and come to his office, their morning spent side by side on the couch as they waded through the investigations that had begun in the past four months. Then her stomach had growled... loudly... and Mac had chuckled, standing up and offering her his hand.
"The least I can do is buy you lunch."
"And once again, you, Mac Taylor, are my hero."
She said it with that edge of teasing and dramatic flair that always made him laugh, and they'd walked to the restaurant, enjoying the time to catch up and start to settle back into their partnership.
The rhythm of the dance they had begun so many months earlier picked up right where they had left off, and though they'd shared some meals and spoken regularly on the phone during his hiatus, Mac could easily see now that they had both been on guard in those moments, neither wanting to admit how badly they missed the sync they had developed while sharing so much of their work life together. But now they were back to it... long days broken up by debates on how to approach a case and gentle teasing and a few good meals, weekends spent finding reasons to involve themselves in each other's activities. And then finally... finally Mac had decided it was time to do more than just live a life adjacent to Jo's.
He wanted a life with her.
He just wasn't expecting her to say no the first time he asked her out on an official date.
"It's not that I don't want to go. It's just... after what I went through with Russ at the FBI, I think it's better to keep the lines clear."
Mac had accepted her refusal graciously, but most definitely not as a finality. He played along with her "just friends" rule, but from that moment on, every opportunity to flirt and tease and invade her space was seized upon, and when she made only the most cursory of attempts to get him to stop, Mac knew that Jo's "no" wasn't about what she wanted, it was about something he knew very, very well himself...
Fear.
So there were more lunches and dinners and weekend outings and late nights in the office. And as the days passed, Mac drew his allies in... Tyler and Ellie gave him their approval to pursue their mother, and despite the risk of gossip, he'd entrusted the truth of his intentions to Don, whose first comment had been, "it is about damn time."
And that was how Mac Taylor had found himself strolling through the entrance of Jo Danville's office as she finished up a phone call on a Thursday afternoon he had decided was the perfect day to try to make the Mac and Jo dance move through a transition where they stopped spinning around each other and finally took one another by the hand.
"Okay, Tyler. Just have fun and be sure to call me when you guys get there, okay?"
She hung up as he advanced toward the desk and when she sighed and leaned back in her chair with a bemused look on her face, Mac knew Tyler and Ellie had both already completed their part of the plan.
"You okay?" he asked, and she let out a deep breath.
"Can you get empty nest syndrome before they're actually gone?"
Mac laughed and sat down in the chair opposite her.
"Kids abandoning you?"
"Ellie has a media project she's working on with Brianna, so she's spending the whole weekend over there, so I thought I'd try to steal some time alone with Tyler, but he was getting ready to call and tell me he's taking a road trip with his frat brothers to go to the UCONN game. So, yes, they've abandoned me. Ingrates. Now I won't have a good reason not to finally organize that damn walk-in closet."
"Well, if you're looking for a way to get out of that lovely sounding task... I'm going fishing. Place is plenty big enough for two."
Mac waited as Jo studied him, and he wondered if this was the moment when she would call him on his none too subtle attempts to get her away from the job she used as a barrier between them.
"Lures or bait?"
He smiled. This question he had the answer to, without doubt.
"Bait, and we're digging the worms up ourselves."
"You should know a Southern girl can't turn down an invitation like that."
He did know thanks to the stories she'd told him when they'd been processing tests late at night and trying to stay awake while working on time sensitive cases; adventures with her father, sharing with Tyler first, and Ellie later, the exhilaration of pulling in your first fish. The memories she'd shared had formed a picture in his mind of Jo on the water, bucket hat on her head, ecstatic smile on her face as she tried to fight her naturally chatty nature while she waited for a bite on her hook.
Mac couldn't wait to see how accurate that picture was in reality.
They left Friday at lunch time, stealing an afternoon thanks to Hawkes' assurances that he could run the show for a few hours in their absence, which Mac knew he'd been encouraged to do by Don on the sly, and soon, they were on the road to Montauk. Mac explained as they drove that the house they were staying in belonged to a friend of his from the Marines who had just retired after making it through four tours in Iraq and Afghanistan.
"He bought this place after Gulf I. Said if he was gonna spend his life getting shot at, he was gonna spend his vacations fishing, come hell or high water."
"And yet he's not there this weekend? Did he get a better offer."
"Took his wife to Maui for their twentieth wedding anniversary."
"Ah, so he's brave and smart," Jo teased, her laugh reaching his ears from the passenger seat.
"Yeah, he promised her a month in paradise once he retired, though he did negotiate some fishing time in exchange for a few shopping trips."
They chatted easily on the drive about everything from football to the guest lecture they'd been asked to give at NYU's Center for Research in Crime and Justice. Putting together the material had given them another reason to spend a lot of extra time together, and for Mac, it had renewed his appreciation for what complementary partners they were. Though they often started at a topic from a different point, it only served to help them fill in all the gaps that might have otherwise left them exposed and unprepared for some of the questions they might get. But together... well, together, they were gonna knock the socks off the law students coming out to hear them speak.
A brief stop at the local market gave them a chance to pick up some groceries to throw together dinner and pack up breakfast for the morning, and after a quick dinner of pasta and salad, they were enjoying the warmth of the fireplace with a bottle of wine Jo had picked out during their shopping trip.
They were good at this, too... at just being together, not needing to fill every moment with the sound of their voices. Jo was curled up on the couch, her side leaning into the arm of the piece of furniture. Mac had seated himself in the chair right by her, his feet resting on a small ottoman.
"It's amazing, isn't it? How far away the city seems from out here?"
Jo's voice drew his eyes her way, and he saw something on her face that he couldn't immediately place.
"Have you been wanting it to be far away?"
She pulled her gaze from the fire and looked at him, then she smiled shyly and shook her head.
"No, it's not that. Just... sometimes the noise of the city... sometimes it's comforting and then there are the times when you just need a little quiet. That's a hard commodity to come by in my house, but... I guarantee you in a few years, you'll be listening to me complain about it being too quiet."
"You that sure Ellie's gonna want to go away to college?"
"She told me the other day she either wants to go to Georgetown or Stanford. Because she thinks she'll be 'over' New York by then."
Mac couldn't help but smile. Only a teenager could think they'd be 'over' New York at some point. The city had a way of working its way into the fabric of who you were, and even if you were willing to think about moving somewhere else, it became a siren, always calling you home.
"Well, if things ever do get too quiet, I can bring Adam and Sid over. They'll definitely make you wish for some silence by the time they're done."
Her laughter lightened the air around them, and when she reached out and offered her hand, he took hold of it in his own, their fingers lacing together.
"Thanks for looking out like that. I'll let you know if I ever need to take you up on the offer."
If they were past whatever it was that remained as an obstacle in their path, he'd have moved closer to her then, her eyes a sparkling invitation to do so, but Mac held steady because they hadn't cleared that final hurdle yet, and while he had high hopes it would happen soon, he didn't want to scare her off by pushing too hard. So instead, he kept his eyes on her, sharing the intimacy of the connection between them within the boundaries she had set, and only when Jo pulled herself free did he let go.
"If you're gonna wake me up before dawn, I should probably get some sleep. See you in the morning."
"See you in the morning, Jo."
Her hand slipped free of his as she walked from the living room to the hallway that led back to the bedrooms. It was a small house-a two bedroom, one bath-and Mac could hear the soft click of the door as she closed herself off in the room he'd insisted she take... the one with the perfect sunrise view.
Mac decided to stretch out on the couch, not just because he was enjoying the fire, but because suddenly the thought of being a wall away from her felt like too much to bear.
"Patience," he reminded himself. Patience was the only thing that wouldn't make her run.
"You're sure they don't mind us digging in their yard?"
Mac glanced over at Jo, her warm layers of clothing topped off by the sky blue bucket hat she'd told him had been a gift from her father. He pulled up a few more worms for the bait bucket and shook his head.
"About the only reason Chuck agreed to plant this garden was because Cindy pointed out how good his fishing bait would be."
She laughed at that, a little too loudly for the early morning hour, and he chuckled as she quickly covered her mouth with the back of her arm, her hands a little too muddy just then for contact.
Soon, they declared themselves fully stocked, and after washing up, Mac packed the truck that Chuck kept attached to the boat trailer. He was glad he'd climbed in alone when he found a note on the dashboard meant just for him.
"If you can get Chuck to take me to Hawaii more often, you can make this your official romantic hideaway anytime you want. Love you… Cynthia."
He laughed and pushed the note down into his coat pocket, then started the truck so the engine could warm up a bit in the frosty temperatures. The bright sunshine was supposed to make it a pretty tolerable day on the water, but he once again lamented that fall mornings in fishing season could be so cool despite the warmth that would likely come later in the day.
But for this… for the excitement he could see in Jo's face and the chance to share something they both loved doing, he'd find a way to survive the chill.
"Okay, I have two travel mugs full of coffee, plus a full thermos," Jo began as she joined him at the truck and started handing items over to him. "I have the food and drink cooler, the bag of snacks, and the extra clothes in case anyone has a cold water mishap. Anything else?"
"Camera?"
"Got it," she said, patting her coat pocket.
"Equipment's all loaded and the bait's packed, so we're all set."
The drive to the lake wasn't all that long, and they mostly enjoyed the beautiful scenery and the steaming hot coffee Jo had brewed just before their worm-hunting expedition. But as they neared the county park entrance that housed what Chuck had declared his favorite fishing spot, Mac could see the energy that was beginning to hum in his companion, and just when he thought he couldn't be charmed more, he was.
"I think it's been a full two years since I last did this," she said. "Mama and I took Ellie out a few months before things started to go south at the Bureau."
Other than the day he'd addressed her worries over once again being caught up in someone else's mistakes, they hadn't talked much about her final case at the bureau, mostly because Jo didn't like to dwell on it. She knew nothing about the incident could be undone, including the wounds left behind for Serena Matthews, the victim in the case who had lost her chance at justice because of the cover-up that Jo had been obligated to expose.
"I need to get out here more often," Mac offered, swerving the topic away from things he knew she'd rather leave alone. "Even just to see Chuck and Cindy. I've been pretty guilty of being an absent friend."
"Well, maybe for friends outside a ten-mile radius. But inside it, I'd say you've been pretty good at showing up."
The compliment touched him, because sometimes he wasn't so sure. He knew that his desire to protect himself from further hurt had sometimes kept him from going as far or doing as much as he wanted to where she was concerned. But that was the past now, a chapter of their story that was closed forever.
"We're here!" she said, a slight squeal to her voice, and he laughed as he turned into the driveway for the park entrance. Thanks to his connections in town, he'd already gotten their fishing permit taken care of, so they just had to check in at the gate and then it was off to find the perfect spot.
"Detective Taylor! How the hell are ya?"
Wes Hunt had worked the gate more days than not when Mac had visited before, and because of Chuck, who was one of Wes' best friends, they knew each other pretty well. Wes' wife ran the local education programs that used the nearby pond for field studies, and the two of them were constants in the area.
"Wes, I'm doing well. How are you?"
"Well, I'm doing pretty good, even better that my wife isn't here while you introduce me to this gorgeous lady you've brought to meet me."
Mac chuckled and motioned toward Jo.
"Detective Jo Danville, Ranger Wes Hunt."
"Detective? That pretty and smart to boot? Lord, is there a club my wife hasn't told me about?"
Jo laughed and waved at Wes, who tipped his hat in return.
"You up long enough to have dinner?" Wes asked, turning back to Mac, who shook his head.
"Not this time, but I'm gonna try to make it back up once Chuck and Cindy get home from Hawaii."
"Well, when you do, the whole lot of us will have to get together for dinner. We'll make Cindy and Adrianne promise ahead of time not to tell Jo all our naughty secrets at once."
Mac laughed and shook his friends hand.
"Sounds like a plan. We'll see you later, Wes."
"You two have a good day. Pleasure to meet you, Jo."
"You, too, Wes," she answered, chuckling as they pulled forward and headed down the road toward the boat launch.
"Do you have naughty secrets, Mac Taylor?"
Images from the dreams of her that plagued his sleep flashed through his mind, but since he knew those weren't the kinds of secrets Wes meant, he simply flashed a sly grin.
"Oh, if you only knew, Ms. Danville. If you only knew."
An hour later, they were floating on the water, the boat steady on the calm surface as the sun began to warm the earth, making their outer layers of warmer clothing unnecessary. Mac set his rod down just long enough to stow their jackets away, and he made it back in time to see that Jo was busy baiting her hook.
"So do all Alabama girls love to fish?"
"Oh, Lord, no. Most of the girls I knew hated it. But there was always a certified daddy's girl lurking in here, so I had no problem digging bait in the morning, fishing all day, and then curling my hair for the school dance later on."
"And having every boy in town lined up to try to dance with you, no doubt."
"Not every boy," she teased as she cast her line out into the water.
Mac doubted that very much. He'd seen a photo of Jo in high school on the wall at her apartment. Every boy in town had been in that line or they'd been certifiable.
"And what about little Mac Taylor, all handsome in his baseball uniform? I bet you had a whole gaggle of girls following you everywhere you went."
"There might have been a few," he answered, his own line finally baited and ready to go.
"And what kind of girls did you like?"
The question had that classically Jo flirtatious tone to it that again made Mac certain she wanted the same thing he did, she was just holding back. He smiled and looked toward her, his tone serious, his eyes locked with hers.
"Same kind I like now... brilliant, loyal, sexy, and loving."
He saw the blush that overcame her despite her efforts to act like what he'd said hadn't affected her. And just when he would've taken the chance to go a step further, a tug played out on her line.
"Looks like you got one."
Jo went to work reeling in her catch, and a few minutes later, a picture-perfect trout was in her grasp.
"Ha ha! Oh, she's beautiful!"
Mac had remembered to grab the camera from her jacket before he'd stowed it away, and as she held up the fish, he took a photo. She was smiling ear to ear, proud of her catch and as joyful as he'd ever seen her.
He looked at the finished product on the camera's screen and knew it would soon be added to the group of important photos that he kept in his office.
By the time Jo emerged from her shower, Mac had the two best fish from their catch cleaned and ready to grill. They had donated the rest to the local diner, which cooked up excess caught fish for county residents who were in need of food. Jo's initial beauty was slightly larger than the best fish Mac had caught that day, but the two were more than enough for both of them.
"Okay, your turn. I'll get everything else ready while you enjoy some hot water."
The day had turned warm, but even after they'd headed to shore, they'd taken time to walk the pond and enjoy the park. So it was already cooling off again by the time they made it back to the house, and Mac had urged Jo to jump in the shower while he started a fire and got the fish prepped.
When he tuned toward her, his breath caught in his throat. She'd washed her hair and there wasn't a trace of makeup on her face; her body was hidden beneath a pair of cotton lounge pants and an oversized thermal shirt. And still, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her look so beautiful. But he managed to find his voice by clearing his throat.
"I'll leave you to it, then. I have the grill preheating, so just be careful of it."
Jo nodded and headed for the fridge as he made his way to his bag to grab some clean clothes. He bypassed the jeans he'd been planning on and grabbed his t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants he'd barely remembered to bring.
The hot shower centered him, grounding him in the reality of what he wanted and what he hoped he could accomplish tonight. Everything about their time together in Montauk was just solidifying his belief in them even more. They were too good together not to belong together, and somehow he had to get her to at least talk about it tonight before they had the insulation of work and their normal lives to keep them from diving into the conversation.
After stopping to make sure the fire was doing well, Mac strolled barefoot into the kitchen and found Jo pouring two glasses of wine. She handed one to him as he moved to the indoor grill and grabbed the tongs with his other hand so he could start cooking the rest of their dinner.
"So I made a salad, cut up some fruit, and we have those cookies we picked up at the diner for dessert."
Mac took a sip of wine and then stepped toward Jo, offering his glass. She clinked hers against it.
"That's my kind of dinner. These should be ready soon."
She sat her glass down and reached for the utensil drawer.
"Then I'll set the table."
Dinner was the way it always was with them... full of laughter and easy conversation and teasing. And Mac knew the feeling that came over him when they were together... that he was at home, even if they were out in public or in a borrowed house like they were now... wasn't something you happened on often in life. He'd been lucky enough to find it once with Claire. He'd never imagined he'd have it again until Jo had found him in the very place where he'd gone to hide from love.
After they'd done the dishes and put everything away, Mac coaxed Jo into setting up their dessert by the fireplace, and armed with refilled glasses of wine, he sank down on the cushion of blankets they'd made and handed hers over. She smiled at him, and the flash of sadness he saw in her eyes told him that the window he'd been looking for was there. All he had to do was walk through it.
"Jo, what is it? What's the thing you're so afraid of? And don't tell me it's about work, because you know that isn't the issue."
She looked at him and shook her head, taking a drink of her wine.
"Mac, we've talked about this."
"And I haven't pushed. But you know I haven't given up, either. And you still agreed to come away with me this weekend. Am I wrong about what that means?"
He waited as she drew in a deep breath, and then slowly let it out.
"You know it's not about want, don't you? Because I want, Mac. I do. But..."
As her words trailed off, Mac fought back the urge to push. He'd been patient until now. He had to let her find her way through this if they were going to end up where he hoped.
"When you were gone... I know we still saw each other and spoke, but... I missed you so much. I don't think I even knew how important you'd become to me until suddenly what we had changed and you weren't there."
"I missed you, too, Jo, every day. And it caught me by surprise, how deep it ran."
She nodded and took another breath.
"If we give into this, if it goes wrong, and then I lose you... Russ and I can barely be in a room together more than a minute before I want to run out the back door. I don't ever want to not want to be in a room with you. I don't want to go back to a life without you in it."
And there it was... her fear laid bare to him, and Mac set his glass down and inched forward, his left hand cupping her cheek as he drew her face near his. He didn't kiss her, though, even though it was what he wanted to do. He simply brought her eye to eye with him, erasing almost all of the distance that had been between them.
"That will never happen, not while both of us are still breathing. And yes, I can say that... I can say it because... we work, Jo. Everything about us works. And I know you're scared. I was scared for a long time, too. But we can handle scared. What we have is worth the risk."
There were tears in her eyes, and he understood. He was asking her to jump off a cliff with him when he'd been blind to the cliff for a full decade before her. But Mac knew they would be okay, as long as they jumped together.
The nearly invisible space between them closed as her lips found his, and Mac felt the tightness in his chest release. Fear was there, it always would be. Every time one of them walked through a door first, every time he was late getting home or she didn't pick up her cell, and the worry over Ellie and Tyler would live with them the rest of their lives.
But their fears belonged to each other now... and so did they. And that was all they needed.
A/N - so I was working on "Light in the Darkest Corners" and just needed to take a quick break and be nice to Mac and Jo after hurting them so much. So this is based on some Season 8 spoilers I've read about Mac possibly being the pursuer in a relationship, and of course, my hope that it's Jo he pursues.
