Hey! So this is my first return fic after Sherlock's fall so be nice Hope you like it. Slight self-harm & kissing and stuff so rated M to be safe Can't decide if it's established Johnlock or not so it's up to you. Teardrops and truth.

Sherlock stood in the doorway of his old bedroom watching John Watson thrash about in his sleep. Three years. It had been three years since he had been back to Baker Street the fall. His fall. His fake death. In his sleep John murmured, trying to fight off another nightmare.

"Sherlock…please Sherlock…..don't jump….don't jump Sherlock….please Sherlock…please...sherlock….SHERLOCK NOO!"

He still has nightmares about it.

John woke up covered in sweat, reaching. Trying to stop the dream-Sherlock from jumping.

"John?"

John jumped a foot in the air. Hearing Sherlock's voice again, in real life, not just in dreams was as much dream come true as nightmare.

"Sherlock? Is it you? Or is it the other one?"

"It's me John. It's really me this time."

As if to prove it Sherlock walked over and sat on the bed beside John. As Sherlock placed his hand on John's leg he flinched. John was staring at him as though he wasn't sure he was really there.

"I'm supposed to stop seeing you. The pills….You're..you..you're dead. You died three years ago."

"I came back."

Without giving John time to respond Sherlock kissed him. Sherlock grouped all the passion he could muster and put it into that one kiss. This was the human contact he has missed in the three years. John especially. Not having John had nearly killed him along with Moriarty's men. But he had him now.

"Sherlock, stop."

Groaning at John's hesitation Sherlock pushed him onto the mattress.

"Don't…Sherlock please don't."

Ignoring this Sherlock scraped his teeth along John's strong jawline and down his neck.

"STOP!"

John stood suddenly, flinging Sherlock to the side as though he was nothing.

"You're not real. This is another dream. You're dead."

Now that he was standing in the moonlight Sherlock saw the tears streaming down John's face.

""John, I –"

"NO. You're dead. You left me. He wouldn't do that. Sherlock wouldn't leave. You're not real, I just have to wake up. Then you'll vanish. You always do. But he, he doesn't come back."

John collapsed in the corner of the room. Sherlock watched as he curled into a ball like a hedgehog and sobbed. After what seemed like hours Sherlock crossed the room and put his arms around John. John flinched but didn't pull away, instead he stared up at Sherlock, wide-eyed.

"Sherlock? Is it really you this time?"

"It's really me John, I'm finally back."

For the first time Sherlock noticed the scars coursing up the insides of John's arms.

"Oh my god. Why John. Why did you do this?"

"It helped. You weren't here. It made things slip away. You weren't here Sherlock. Why weren't you here?"

Tears fell from both men now, fast, hot tears making tiny slashes on the floor

"I'm sorry John. I am so sorry."

"Don't leave again Sherlock. Please don't leave again."

"I will never leave you again John. I promise."