The Letter That Was Never Sent
Hahmot ja niiden maailma kuuluvat Masashi Kishimotolle – eivät minulle. Tarina on tehty pilke silmäkulmassa eikä missään nimessä rahastustarkoituksissa. Älkää siis suotta haastako oikeuteen!
Damn,
I hated you. Since the first day I saw you at the Academy I hated
you.
You were always so annoying, stupid, clumsy, noisy and
loud-mouthed. Really, really loud-mouthed. I think you were - and
still are - the noisiest guy I've ever met. Usually I simply ignored
annoying people, pretended that they just didn't exist. But you. No
matter how I tried I couldn't ignore you. There was no way I could
stop listening your stupid jokes, no way I could stop myself from
leering at you at class when you sat there in the back looking so
bored.
And the day when we graduated and that ... incident
took place. That kiss. I was so mad at you. And embarrassed. I
thought you really were the most annoying person in the whole world.
But still ... I could not have been happier when I heard we were in
the same team. Of course I didn't admit it to myself, but deep inside
I already knew. I knew I couldn't live without you.
All those
trainings, missions, even Kakashi's boring theory lessons... Every
single second I saw you... And especially when you yelled at me ...
it was so painful. At first I was able to deny every feeling; I could
control myself very well. And when it became too much, when I almost
had to admit it to myself, I turned it all to hate. I decided that I
hated you. That worked for a long time. Nearly half a year I was
capable of pretending I really hated you. And I think at some point I
almost did. I hated the way you made me feel weak and unstable.
Unable to control my thoughts. On the other hand you always made me
feel strong on the missions with your lovely habit of yelling things
like "don't lose to a guy like that, Sasuke!" or "let's
kick their asses!". But still... those feelings you made me feel
every time you looked at me... I hated myself for loving those
intense gazes we shared between our arguments and fights.
That
last mission we had is one of the reasons I'm writing this. It
reminded me of the one in the Country of Wave when we were just
rookies. The first C-ranked mission which turned out to be way more
difficult than anyone of us had tought... Like back then, also our
last mission was surprisingly hard. We got into a lot of trouble and
saved each others many times. Risked our lives to save each other.
Did I only imagine, or were you really that worried about me when
that sound-ninja almost killed me? This gave me hope ... perhaps you
didn't hate me so much after all. And also the fact that you
borrowed the Kyubi's chakra only to save me... When you beated all
those sound-shinobi so furiously. The anger on your usually so happy
and care-free face scared me a bit. A lot in fact. And at the same
time I also felt quite glad 'cause you did do it because of me...
At least I think you did... But I guess I only imagined... Imagined
it because that's what I wanted to think.
I was pretty good
at hiding these emotions, wasn't I? I guess that's because I never
admitted them to myself either - let alone to anyone else. But these
years we've been spending together working for our village, fighting
for our clients and for Konoha I have come to a conclusion. I cannot
hide this any longer. I can't stand being alone, acting all the time.
I can't keep on with my useless ambition. Alone I am never going to
get my revenge, but if I had you beside me, if you would understand
why I have to kill that man, if you would accept it ... if you would
be beside me, I'm sure that that stupid brother of mine would not
stand a chance. Because to me you are something I can't ever
understand, but I need you like I need air.
So, what I'm
trying to say is that you are very important to me. I don't care if
you laugh or insult me after you read this. I only wanted to tell
you. Every time I say I hate you, it's not what I mean. It's a part
of my big show. A show called "I don't care about you". I can
only hope that some day you will understand me. That's all I dare to
hope.
