My dearest,
I fear even to speak your name, for my deception has been so terrible that I am not worthy of the sound. I've brought myself to stand before the crumbling remains of your home and I am humbled. I am so close to you now, closer now than we have been in years, and yet farther from you than we have ever been in our lives.
I move past the garden gate and wish that it could have been that easy for me when you were alive. It should have been, I know, but please believe me that if I thought I could have than I would never have parted with you. Again I pause, momentarily, my hand resting upon your doorknob and I know its pain to have a frame and nothing within to support. I silently proceed into the emptiness.
The faint image of James' silhouette in the darkness haunts the bottom of the stairwell and I can never like him, but I respect and envy him to have died for you, to fight for your survival until his last gasping breath. I should have fought for you.
Though I've often dreamt of seeing your enchanting eyes once more, your beautiful visage hovering ever-present behind my closed lids, I dread climbing these stairs. Every step brings a heavier darkness upon me, and I fear I will never in my life escape it.
I find in my heart the last bit of strength I possess and enter the nursery.
The world collapses around me and I crumble into myself. There is no ground, no sun, and no future only you, and your body alone remains. I was not essential before, and now I am without reason but it does not matter because I do not matter. I can only crawl to your body, my eyes half-blind with tears, but still seeing enough to look into your empty eyes. I've dreamt of seeing them once more for so long, and I cannot stand the sight of them. My arms wrap themselves around you and I hug you to my chest but I can do nothing. I am as cold as you, and I wish I could absorb your death into myself but it is one of the few impossibilities of magic, though I have never wanted anything more in my life.
Time, it seems, has lost its consistency. I cannot discern magic from natural light and so I know not whether the morning has come. Days may pass without my notice; I have no thirst but for your voice, no hunger but for love.
It seems though that my time with you has reached its end, for I hear the roar of Black's motorcycle on your lawn and I know it will be only minutes before their envoy comes inside to retrieve Harry. My lips form the words I need without whispering a sound, and I lay the solemn white flowers in your hands before disapparating. I tremble to think that I shall never look upon your face again but I will carry your image forever in my heart. I have failed you my love, and I will dedicate my life to seeking forgiveness in your eyes.
I promise you that my days will be spent in the pursuit of furthering goodness in this world. Henceforth, my every effort will be devoted to what you sacrificed yourself for. For you I will change the world.
I hope only that I will one day die worthy, with the honor of your name upon my lips.
Until then,
I remain yours…always.
