There's no going back. That's what he told her their first night together. She still believes that. For her, there is no going back. Because in four months together, he managed to worm his way into her heart and soul more completely than what she ever thought he could. Every time she woke to the warm, comforting weight of his arm around her waist; holding her close to the warmth radiating from his body, she fell a little bit more in love with him.
Every time he smiled at her with that special smile he saved just for her; all teeth and dimples with that twinkle in his deep brown eyes, she saw the walls around her she had built over years of heartbreak and disappointment gain one more hole.
So no, she could never be 'just friends' with him again. She couldn't side across the squad from him and pretend she didn't know what he tasted like; what he felt like pressed against her with nothing between them but beads of sweat.
There was no going back because for her, Andrea McNally, Samuel Swarek was it. Her end game. Her stopping place. She never considered herself a possessive person. But that was before she knew what it was like to be in Sam Swarek's bed. Now she couldn't stomach the thought of any other woman knowing his touch. She was addicted to the feel of his hair roughened chest crushed against hers, the feel of his fingers tangled in her hair with his ragged breathing harsh in her ear. She was addicted to the smell of his cologne, his bad jokes, even the way he sometimes hogged the covers. And, though loathe to admit it aloud, she was also addicted to hearing him sing eighties hair band rock anthems off key in the shower. Oh yes. When it came to Sam Swarek, Andy McNally was a possessive bitch.
So she'll let him push her away. Let him retreat into himself so he can regain his bearings. She'll give him the space and time he thinks he needs and in doing so, perhaps she'll become a stronger person. For herself and for him. Because she believed him when he said there was no going back. Now she just needs him to remember he believed it too.
A/N: Am I the only one still crushed by the past two weeks episodes? These little drabbles are my way of sorting out what flies through my brain. My way of dealing, as it were. Please send me feedback and let me know what you think. A happily reviewed author is a busy-writing-more author.
