The 40 songfic drabbles of Angelina Johnson and Fred Weasley…..
This drabble I decided to write about the way Angelina feels about herself and because I can relate to it….
Currently listening to: Unpretty by TLC
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I wish i could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)
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Summer is long and dreading and I desperately dream about going back to Hogwarts…but I'm still stuck here, in this rich snotty neighborhood with Montague and Dame.
Montague doesn't realize how sadistic he is to me.
Always pushing me around, calling me names, does he honestly think that makes me feel good?
No.
It makes me want to rip my face off and buy a new one.
Before I met him, I didn't care much about my looks but he just always seemed to comment on how my hair was thicker, my ass got bigger, my lips were bigger than Daphne's thin pink ones, my skin was too dark, how I was just so tall it was freakish…It all just made me want to scream.
Do you hear it Montague? Do you hear me pleading for you to shut up?
Because that's all I've been asking him to do lately.
He comes over to see Dame's new nimbus and when he see's me walk down the grand staircase immediately he calls out, "Hey ugly!"
I never cry in front of him.
That's because I don't cry at all.
I bleed.
Bleed my pain out until it's lost to me.
Mum found my razor, with the dry blood on it and everything.
But she shakes her head in denial.
My daughter's too young to be a cutter, she thought.
And she doesn't even bother to ask me if it's true.
It's because she doesn't want to be a mother.
She hates playing that role of letting me cry on her shoulder, talking to me about boys and sex, taking me out to shop around Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade.
Oh no, she'd rather dress me up like a Barbie doll and show me off at another one of her and dad's fancy balls.
I still feel ugly then, too.
Dressed in all that makeup when I'm just a 12 year old.
In a beautiful pink silk dress with a large white bow around the waistline.
Makes me want to gag.
I swear I'd rather stay ugly forever than wear that ghastly garment.
I think everyone can see my ugliness from miles around.
I'm so ugly you-know-who would gasp.
So ugly the Malfoys turn tail when they see me coming.
So ugly my real mother threw me in the trash and the Johnson's adopted me. (Though the Johnson family really is my family, I wouldn't mind if I were adopted.)
Anyways that's just what Montague tells me.
But I guess I'm not that ugly if Fred Weasley talks to me.
Us two are just friends though, even if we are best friends, we're still just friends, and of course friends don't mind their friends being ugly because it doesn't matter if there are no romantic relations between the two, right?
Right. That's why I like Fred; he doesn't judge me based on what he sees.
He's been by my side since first year and I have no doubt he'll be there through the rest.
Fred…there's something terribly special about that bloke.
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My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I'm just trippin'
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