Wherever You Will Go
As Angel slumps on a barstool, quietly nursing a mug of something alcoholic and licking his proverbial wounds, he wonders who will take his place in his lover's heart. He knows that she is too beautiful, too good, to be on her own; she deserves the best of everything. It hurts to imagine those lips kissing anyone other than him, but he left her. And she will always need someone to light the shadows on her life; there are so many, and he never could. He wonders, though, if his replacement – whoever he is – will be strong enough to help her.
Angel knows, though, that she can make it on her own, that she is strong, because it's not like she ever needed him. He was always just there … because he wanted to be. If Angel didn't know, with one hundred per cent of his mind, that she would be better off without him, then he never would have left. He would have followed her anywhere. Maybe someday, he'll find his way back to her … just to watch her and to guide her if she were ever, as unlikely as it seems, to need him.
Oh, but how it hurts now, sitting in this dimly lit room, smelling the smoke and the cheap perfume. Angel had always imagined the term 'heart-broken' to be a flight of fancy, for of course emotions could not physically hurt, but even if they could, surely he was safe, for his heart was no longer beating. How far from the truth that was! Angel feels it all now – agony in his chest, like someone had stolen the breath from his lungs, and a choking sensation as if someone was trying to pull his heart out through his throat. Hot tears prick at his eyes, and that hurts too, and the world is all too much.
Angel pushes his drink away, resting his face in his hands as if to hide. She's taken my heart, he realizes, and everything else I had to offer. My love, my hope … and though she failed to take that last and most precious of things, I would give my life for her, too. In less than a blink of an eye, if she asked.
He sighs. We may not be together for now, but she will always have my love. So in my heart and in my mind, she will stay with me for all of time. If only he could tell her so … but that would be impossible. Were Angel to see her, he knows that he would not be able to leave her side again, because though she doesn't need him, he needs her.
As Angel steps out into the night, a balmy summer breeze rushing all around him, whispering their names like entwined vines – Buffy and Angel, Buffy and Angel – he sighs and wishes he could turn back time, to when she still belonged to him, and he thought that they could have gone anywhere as long as they were together.
