A Glimpse at a Rocky Relationship

The first time I met my father, I didn't know who he was. All I knew was that he was my teacher and I would listen to him. I respected him then.

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

The first time he yelled at me, I deserved it. It wasn't the first time I misbehaved; that was the day before. But he only yelled at me when I was rude to his face. I was scared of him then.

But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

He avoided me, right up until the Christmas holiday when he gave me a letter that would change my life without me knowing it. I was confused by him then.

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

He yelled at me the first night back for hexing Draco into a wall on the train. I deserved it then too. I feared him then.

But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
And somehow I got caught up in between

I never realized it, until I looked back years later, that he called me Bella. Not Ms. Darling, or even Bellatrix, but Bella. He still called me Bella even after I said unforgivable things to him when I found out who he was. I hated him then.

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none

Everything changed when someone saw me next to him. They said we looked alike. And from there I put everything together. I felt betrayed then.

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

He tried to explain but I didn't listen. I yelled and he yelled and I said things I regret now, years later. We didn't speak when school started again. I avoided him then.

But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between

When I had to go live with him, I locked myself away from him, emotionally and physically. He lost my trust then.

Between my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none

Sometimes I wish I had never pushed him away, that I hadn't said the things I had, that I had let him be my father. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so much like him. I missed him then.

And I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do or plan

Fear is not afraid of you
But guilt's a language you can understand

I cannot explain to you
And anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can

I wish I could have seen him before the end. I wish I could have been there when he left my life forever. I cried for him then.

For my pride and my promise
For my lies and how the truth gets in the way

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse is

Pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

He left before I could grow up. He left before I could apologize. He left before I could say good bye. I loved him then.

The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none
The only thing that's worse than one is none.

I always loved him.