Kakashi sighed as he closed Icha Icha Paradise. His life seemed so... Pointless. The war was over, everyone was settling down. And here he was, rereading porn that he had already memorized by heart.
"Look what I've become, Obito, Rin" he muttered, glaring at the sky. "Wish I was there with you"
"Ne! Kakashi-sensei!" the ninja sighed as he heard the voice of one of his former students. The annoying one.
"Naruto" he acknowledged lazily at the happy boy in front of him.
"Come out for some korean barbecue tonight with me and the other guys!" he grinned. "Just some guy time"
"I don't think so" Kakashi started walking away. "Have fun without me"
"Kakashi-sensei! Come on, it's gonna be great. Don't be such a downer!" Naruto begged shamelessly.
"I'm... Busy" Kakashi explained and turned his back on Naruto. He just wanted to go home and mope and think about all of his near death experiences and how disappointing it was that none had succeeded.
"If you don't... I'll bring the boys to your house!" The grey haired ninja froze as the obnoxious words left the young mans lips.
"You wouldn't" The copy ninja turned to glare at him.
"Oh yes I would! Believe it Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto smirked. His hands were planted on his hips and a price of drool was at the corner of his mouth. The complete n definition of idiocy. Unfortunately, Kakashi did indeed believe that Naruto would keep his word.
"For that is my ninja way!"
"Alright Naruto," Kakashi started walking away again. Too weary to say anymore.
"See you at six!" the voice called after him.
"Troublesome" he sighed. He felt the book in his pocket and took it out.
"I should burn this" he said to himself but returned it to his pocket without looking at it. Life really did seem pointless at the moment. What was the point of life if it was only breathing and eating and sleeping. What if there was nothing to look forward to? That wouldn't be much of a life would it?
"What a great time I'm having" he gazed into the sky desperately. "Great time my ass"
"KAKASHI! YOUR SPIRIT ISNT YOUTHFUL AT ALL!" He looked up to see the horror of tight green spandex, thick bushy brows and a bowl cut all together in one place.
"Gai" he nodded once.
"Where's your youthfulness? We aren't old yet you know!" the green beast of Konoha bellowed.
"I'm thirty five, I think that's old enough" Kakashi said.
"Nonsense! You're only old when you decide to be old! LOOK AT ME! I AM TEAMING WITH YOUTHFUL ENERGY!"
"Hai, Hai, now leave me alone"
"Don't be the black dot in an ocean of white! Live! Have some fun!"
"That's exactly it Gai, I can't seem to have. Fun."
"Race with me!"
"Not now Gai,"
"Rock papers scissors?" the spandex clad man asked hopefully.
"Fine"
"ROCK! PAPERS! SCISSORS!"
"I win" Kakashi slammed his fist against Gais scissors and started walking again.
"Rematch!"
The masked one sighed. "No"
"Fine, I shall save up my youthfulness to beat you next time. By the way.." his voice lowered to a whisper.
"Yeah?"
"You goin to the barbecue tonight?"
"Unfortunately"
"YOSH! I shall see you there!"
Kakashi gave a halfhearted wave to his over energetic friend and stumbled back on to his road of life. It wasn't just an excuse these days, he actually found himself getting lost as the day went on. He'd just walk aimlessly for hours without a fully focused thought or goal. Then he'd snap out of it a couple and yell. It was all annoying really.
It was all annoying actually.
He didn't have that special someone.
He no longer had dream.
He couldn't find the will to keep living.
He took a deep breath and tried to focus. He couldn't space out an hour before that barbecue. He probably wouldn't snap out of it until the night was halfway over. Then if he did, Naruto would probably come looking for him plus the rest of the rookie nine.
Why did he have to live for so long? Many ninja did not live to see the age if thirty, let alone thirty five. Obito died two decades earlier, Rin had joined him shortly after. His two best friends dead. Life wasn't fair. So why was he, Hatake Kakashi, still walking on the earth?
"When can I join you?" the masked man, whispered quietly to the darkening sky. No matter how much he searched, he could not find that will to live. He tried to feel excited each day that he woke up in the morning, yet, the only feeling in his head was acceptance. Acceptance that he was still alive. That he would continue to live for as long as he was one of the strongest shinobi of the Leaf village. Strong enough to be nominated Hokage.
It was a depressing thought.
"Kakashi-san" he turned toward the feminine voice and was mildly surprised to see none other than Hyūga Hinata jogging up to him.
"Hinata-chan," he greeted. She was a very kind person and her company did not bother him. On the rare occasions that they did spend some time together, he actually enjoyed them.
"Ano..." she fidgeted for a second a bit nervously. "Since I am also going to the Barbeque restaurant for a girls night, Naruto-kun asked me to come with you" she peeked at him from underneath her bangs shyly. "if that is alright Kakashi-san"
Typical, Naruto had expected him to skip, or forget. He sighed and ran a hand through his grey hair.
"Gomen," he looked at her as she bowed. Her face pink in embarrassment. "I'll tell Naruto-kun that I could not find you"
"No, we can go together," Kakashi stopped her from dashing away by grabbing her wrist quickly but gently. Her constant blushing was amusing. It wasnt Hinata, he was irritated at, just Naruto. "If we don't, Naruto will complain my head off for sure"
She giggled softly and nodded. "Hai, He probably would".
The two walked in a comfortable silence. Neither of them big talkers. Strangely, the depressed ninja was actually enjoying her quiet presence. He also noticed the Hyūga Heiress glancing at him from time to time.
"Ano... Kakashi-san, are you alright?" she asked hesitantly, tugging on a strand of indigo hair. Her face was tinged a pale pink and she was looking more beautiful than usual, in a knee length violet sundress.
"Hai.. I am fine" he answered slowly. What had brought on this question.
"No-nothing" she said quickly and began walking again. He observed her with confusion. Was there something wrong with him? Was he acting strangely?
"Are you sure?" she whipped back around and caught his face with her wickedly long hair.
"Hn" he muttered.
"GOMEN!" Hinata bowed deeply, burning a blood red. "Sumimasen Kakashi-san, please forgive me!"
"Don't worry about it. Just a bit of hair. I'll survive" he waved away her apology. What was she thinking? The way she held her posture rigid and stiff and the clenching of her fists must mean there was something troubling the young woman. It made him curious.
"Is there something the matter, Hinata-chan?" he inquired putting his hands in his pockets.
"Ano.." she bit her lip and Kakashi couldn't help but think that she was one of the most cutest things he had ever seen.
"You seem very.. Dark" she finally blurted out after he gazed at her intensely with his one eye.
"Dark? How so?" this wasn't the answer he had expected. He thought she wanted to ask him a question about Naruto.
"I.. I can feel your..." she wrinkled her nose in concentration looking for the right word. "I can kind of sense your thoughts..?"
"My thoughts?" he asked blankly. This was sudden.
"I don't know why, but I can feel your thoughts" she nodded more confidently. "And your thoughts feel very ominous".
"So you can basically read my mind?" this was not good.
"No. But when you think of depressing things, the way your chakra moves is a bit different from when you're happy." she explained helpfully. "Like yours are moving very slowly. Meaning you're very tired or stressed and depressed"
"Interesting". He nodded at this new price of information. He didn't really know much about this Hyūga girl. She was always off training or on missions with her team, now that she no longer felt the need to stalk Naruto.
"So are you alright?" she asked again.
"Hai" he nodded.
"You're lying" she accused.
"Hai" he repeated. It was the truth.
"Why? Is there something wrong?" she asked with concern. Kakashi glanced at her, kind of liking the attention though she was probably just a person that felt concerned about everyone.
"I don't think you would understand" he said and she flinched slightly. He felt a prick of guilt. She looked offended. Probably thinking that he was underestimating her abilities to understand.
"I see" she murmured quietly. The silence was awkward after that. Thick and suffocating, Kakashi decided to just tell her. She didn't look like the kind of person to go tell everyone.
"I feel disappointed" the copy ninja stated. She looked up.
"Disappointed" she whispered to herself. He gave a curt nod.
"Disappointed in life. It seems very.. Pointless" he saw her about to object and continued quickly. "My life, I mean. Life is great, in general. But I'm disappointed in my life"
"What's there to be disappointed about?" she asked quietly.
"I have no dreams. No one to live for. No one would cry over my body when i die" he said.
"I see" Hinata looked at her hands. "I.. I sometimes feel the same Kakashi-san"
"Hn" he urged her to continue.
"I'm actually very weak compared to many of the other Hyūga. My..." she hesitated. "My father made sure that I knew that. He-he always said I was a waste. Many times, I believed him. Naruto-kun gave me hope but even he barely acknowledge me. Kiba-kun and Shino-kun treated me well but they always tried to protect me." the two walked on. Kakashi went over this new information in his mind. It was interesting and he wanted to know more about this girl. She seemed so much more confident now.
"What was the point of my life, if people were always burdened by me?" she looked straight ahead as she said this. "Why should I be allowed to live if there was nothing to live for? In my fathers eyes, I had no future. He expected me to die fairly quickly and that is what I always believed. Each day I would wake up, each mission I would go on, I never expected or even hoped I would survive."
Woah, that was worse than his thoughts!
"You seem strong now" he commented and she gave a shy smile.
"Hai, Neji-neesan helped me train" she looked down "I am not as strong as him but now I can fend for myself."
"That's good"
"Na-Naruto-kun would cry for you." She said and he blinked at her. Naruto would probably cry for a lot of people. "And dreams.. Dreams are supposed to be made. And Konoha is what to live for"
"Hn" they kept walking. Her comforting presence made him feel at ease. He decided that he did indeed quite like spending time withy the Hyuga. Not only now but now that Kakashi thought about it, he actually remembered every little conversation he had had with Hinata. There was just something that made him feel warm when she would smile gently t him.
"I.. I could be your dream..." he blanked. What had she just said? "you could live for me and I would definitely cry over your dead body Ka-Kakashi-san"
"Nani?" his one visible eye widened with shock and disbelief. What had she just said?
"I think..." she took a deep breath. "I think I love you Ka-Kakashi-san".
The older ninja froze as her soft warm lips pressed tenderly over his masked ones.
