It was only 7 PM in a hotel room in Monte Carlo where Blair Waldorf sat staring in the mirror running over a laundry list in her head of ways to make her plan and plea not only sincere but successful. She had gone over the same list for the past week while awaiting the call of a man who had she had viewed more as an enemy then an ally. She couldn't help but wonder if she was being set up. She couldn't help but think this was all going to blow up in her face and further the distance that already existed between her and the man she had finally admitted to loving. She was tense, she was on edge and most of all she was terrified.
"Trusting Jack Bass. What a novel concept," she mused out loud, still staring in the mirror.
But she had no choice and she knew it. She was aware after speaking with Jack initially that Chuck was no longer the enemy in his eyes. Most of their misunderstandings had been sorted out during the good old Thorpe debacle. Now that his beloved brother had finally decided to rise from the dead that made him public enemy number one. Putting both Jack and Chuck out high and dry in the same breath was probably not the wisest idea that the great Bart Bass had ever had but given the recent turn of events he seemed to act with an air of invincibility.
Jack and Chuck were now acting as a team and if Chuck trusted Jack then Blair needed to make the leap. She needed to give Jack the same benefit of a doubt that she had wished for Chuck to give to her. Jack was the only one who currently knew anything about Chuck. Chuck had pulled the well known vanishing act less then twenty-four hours after what she initially believe was her best effort at a heartfelt declaration. In all honesty she didn't blame him. In looking back at the conversation that had occurred between them roughly a week ago she came across as the same selfish bitch she had been all year.
She walked up to the roof top after witnessing what Chuck probably viewed as one of the top five worst moments in his life only to pretty much say, "Me. Me. Me. Me. Me."
"I'm here because its time I was honest with you. I love you. I'm in love with you. I have tried to kill it, to run away from it, but I can't and I don't want to anymore..."
"So what?"
"So now we can be together. Isn't that what you want?"
"It was. Before I lost everything."
"Bass industries isn't everything. I'm gonna take over my mother's company and that can be our future."
"The only reason Waldorf designs has a future is because I gave mine up for it. My father was right. I always put you first. And you bet against me every time. Now I have nothing."
"You have me"
"It's not enough. I need a future."
"Then let me be part of it."
"I don't want to be Mr. Blair Waldorf. I'm Chuck Bass."
"Did you honestly expect that to work?" she spewed at her reflection and then let out a deep sign. She realized that her attempt had probably been the icing on the cake of his insulting evening. Telling him that she wanted so badly not to love him that she repeatedly attempted to kill the feeling? Implying that now that she had jumped off the crazy train they could be together just like he wanted? Trying to pretty much brand him the next Rufus Humphrey of the upper east side? Not even asking him if he still wanted a future with her but instead insisting that he let her be part of his.
She didn't even think to mutter the word sorry. She didn't even think to say that everything that occurred since the moment they said what they thought was goodbye after the bar mitzvah had been an out of body experience that she wouldn't wish upon even her worst enemy. She didn't think to apologize for making pacts with god and leaving him in a hospital room for weeks wondering if he was living in a nightmare. Didn't think to try to explain what messed up rationale she was operating on while choosing to ignore him after vowing to run away and spend the rest of her life with him and a child that wasn't even his but who he promised to love anyway. Didn't think to say, "Sorry you will never be my first husband but I want to do everything in my power to ensure your my last." She didn't think to try to explain that her relationship with Dan was her clinging to the closest thing she could find and in turn living with a relationship with Louie 2.0. She didn't apologize for kicking him to the curb when he came to her looking for genuine friendship and advice when in fact he had given her those things repeatedly when she didn't deserve them. She didn't think to say, "Oh hey! Thanks for trying to stop me from making a million and a half mistakes that have pretty much ruined my life," "Thanks for never giving up on me when I gave you every reason to," and most importantly, "I am sorry that I lied not to myself but to you when I told you that I wasn't in love with you."
She began to tear up for what had to be the millionth time in past week but stared straight ahead back at her reflection and began to take control of her breathing again. She began to state a mantra that had one time given her everything she had ever wanted, "I will not be weak anymore." She dabbed beneath her eyes and repeated the words until she was again sure that she believed them and that they would lead her through the events that were about to take place that evening. She knew that tonight she was drawing the line. She was done running. She was ready to fight.
After fixing her makeup, she finally walked away from her reflection and grabbed her cell phone texting Jack.
*Location update? -B
*Just moved to black jack. -J
*Up or Down? -B
*Moving up quick. Come in 5. -J
She stared at the screen and realized somewhere inside of her that this was it. This was going to be the new beginning. No matter what happened down in that casino, this was her fresh start. She glanced in the mirror one last time and smiled at herself for what seemed to be the first time she could remember in months, if not years. She grabbed her clutch off the bed and made her way through the door and down the hall to the elevators. Until this point she had seemed to vanquish her fears but the sound of the elevator chiming to announce its arrival startled her and she stepped forward nearly falling when her heel slid into the small slit in between the marble floor and the elevator floors beginning. She sighed deeply again as she continued to hit the close door button and then lit up the casino button by placing her finger upon it. As the elevator began to descend she felt her heart flutter and instead of accrediting the feeling to that of fear, she replaced it with anticipation and desire.
When the elevator chimed again to announce she had reached her destination she was overtaken with a state of determination. She strolled off the elevator with a confidence that she use to possess. A confidence but also a vulnerability. She was going to bear her heart and admit to her mistakes. She was going to allow herself to express humility and was determined not to close up or give up with whatever she was presented with. She continued to walk through the decently packed gaming area until she spotted them. Chuck sitting looking impeccable as always in his tux while slightly sipping his scotch and placing it back down. Jack standing to the left of him, leaning over a chair and looking on at the hand ahead. Once she saw the dealer begin to collect the cards from the previous hand she began to stride forward...
"Beginning today the past is just a prologue. It all starts from here." - Gossip Girl
