AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This was my 1st of 2 entries to the 2017 DramioneLove Mini Fest - Round 2 (2017) (dramionelove . livejournal . com) entry. The fest is over and reveals are out, so now I can post this for you here. This fanfic is finished. It is a one-shot.
My prompt for the fest was: #43 - Their new, post-war wands are twins.
Other requirements: Fic must be under 2500 words
Thanks to "greyeyesbluetoo" who came up with this fun prompt! This one is dedicated to you!
DISCLAIMER:"Harry Potter" is the property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. This fanfiction was written entirely for fun, not for profit, and no copyright infringement is intended.
TIMELINE: Post-Hogwarts, EWE (2005).
CHARACTERS FEATURED (alphabetical order, last name): Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Garrick Ollivander, Draco & Hermione's wands
SUMMARY: Hermione's wand seems to be having problems. Lo and behold, it seems Malfoy's wand is suffering the same issues. Hmmm…
RATING: R (MA)
WARNINGS: Magical trickery. Implied sex.
EXTRA NOTES: Experimental poem style. Title is a homage from the wonderful song of the same name from "Fiddler On the Roof".
MATCHMAKER, MAKE ME A MATCH
By: RZZMG
Her wand kept buzzing.
It wouldn't stop.
It bugged her so much,
she wanted to pop!
.
"See here," she told it
late one afternoon,
"You can't keep up buzzing,
or else you'll go 'BOOM'!"
.
"Try sleeping, not beeping,
Or a quiet, smooth hum.
Anything but buzzing!
My arm's going numb!"
.
It ignored her,
then bored her,
as it continued to thrum.
.
She took it for repair,
to get it replumbed.
.
Ollivander's was busy
when she came a'knocking.
A dark wizard stood in front,
and the door he was blocking!
.
"Kindly move," she commanded,
"I'm in quite the hurry.
I must get help now.
My wand's in a flurry!"
.
The stranger then turned,
and gave her a fright.
"Granger, how rude!
That's hardly polite!"
.
"Then I supposed that's your way.
You are known for your mood,
and for being a prude,
and I can only conclude,
that you're becoming unglued!"
.
Malfoy smirked and he grinned
like a pride of half-Kneazles,
but then he ruined his cool
with a case of the sneezles.
.
ACHOO! and KAFLOO!
He shook the roof down,
with his huffing and puffing
and wheezy-like sounds.
.
"Get away from me, woman!"
He screamed in upset.
"There's something about you
That gives me cold sweats!"
.
"Look here at my wand!
It's behaving quite wonky,
and zonky,
and bonky,
and certainly all clonky!"
.
"Until you came around
I was perfectly fine!
No sneezing,
or wheezing,
Not even a whine!"
.
Hermione scoffed
at the crude accusation.
"It's pretty far-fetched
that I'd be the causation."
.
"It's probably you,
and your arrogant swagger.
Your wand needs a break,
from such arrogant blather!"
.
He lifted his wand
to cast a mean hex,
but what came from his mouth
but an offer for sex!
.
He tried it again,
but his wand seemed to sputter.
He muttered,
and uttered,
but it continued to shudder.
.
"Why's it not working?"
he demanded quite loud.
He received some strange looks,
from Diagon's crowd.
.
"She's cursed me!" he accused,
while calling for aid.
"I demand her arrest,
and I won't be swayed!"
.
"You're mental," she decided
and pushed past his bod.
"I'm here for some help,
you incorrigible sod."
.
"Move aside and stay out,"
she gave him the warning.
"This is serious business,
I've no time for warring!"
.
He followed behind
like a badger-nosed Crup,
growling and snarling
like an overgrown pup.
.
Ollivander took up
her malfunctioning wand.
He gave it a wave,
and her hair was charmed blonde!
.
"Well, isn't that strange?"
The old man was surprised.
"This wand of yours, dearie,
needs to be analysed."
.
She called for the owner
of the world's oldest shoppe,
to repair her sad wand,
or provide a wand swap.
.
"Then look at mine, too."
Malfoy held out his hand.
It sparked,
and it barked.
It did nothing he'd planned.
.
"Well, isn't that funny,"
the old wand-maker said.
"Your wands are twins, dearies.
Their magic is wed."
.
Hermione balked.
Malfoy gawked.
.
…And the two of them fled.
.
Three days then did pass.
She huffed and she whined.
Her wand remained broken.
Her spells disinclined.
.
She needed a sign.
.
An owl appeared
at her window that night.
A note in its talons said,
"You make this right!"
.
She sent a note back,
Telling him he could stuff it,
and chuff it,
and puff it,
and then he could snuff it.
.
Malfoy came to her door
in a right ugly snit.
"Listen here, princess,
You need to fix it!"
.
He held out his wand
with a righteous demand.
Hermione snatched it
with a quick sleight of hand.
.
The moment she touched it,
the wand gave a quiver.
It recognized her!
She started to shiver.
.
"This cannot be happening!"
she wailed and bemoaned.
"This wand calls me 'mistress'
as if it were owned!"
.
"Give me that thing!"
Malfoy said with a grab.
But instead of his wand,
it was hers he had snagged.
.
"My god, it's so warm!"
he said, quite enraptured.
His focus was fuzzy,
like he'd been spell-captured.
.
"It's true, then, it seems,"
Hermione admitted.
"Our wands are made twins.
Their magic is knitted."
.
"Well, what do we do?"
Malfoy asked, still ensnared.
His eyes had blown wide,
his nostrils were flared.
.
An idea then hit her
with all the weight of an ox.
"We touch them together.
Make a magical paradox."
.
"You mean that they'll cancel
each other's strength out?
Are you sure that will work?"
he asked with some doubt.
.
"It should, if the theory
is sound and its true.
Godric, himself, had once
tried this, too."
.
With a sigh and a wince,
Malfoy gave it a try.
And what do you know?
It did actually fly!
.
Their wands pitched…
and their grips
did slip,
and a gasp passed their lips.
It was a trip.
.
Bright lights did they see,
minds tumbling quite free.
It was such ecstasy…
They were desire's devotee.
.
Clothes shredded, mouths fused,
hands roamed 'til they'd bruised.
.
There was only one need.
They were consumed by the greed.
.
Higher they climbed,
Bodies slick and primed.
Together, they peaked,
and Hermione shrieked.
.
The climax was draining,
but with energy waning,
she held to him,
straining.
.
He thrust, urging more…
They woke up on the floor.
.
"A dream?" he asked her,
and she had to concur.
"A vision, I'm sure,"
she could only proffer.
.
For their clothing was straight.
Though their hair – what a state!
And there was still enough hate
to know they didn't mate.
.
"Our wands are not twins,
they're lovers, I think."
It only made sense,
for the way they did sync.
.
"How can that be?"
Draco demanded of her.
"That would mean we are, too!
Or so I'd infer."
.
She glanced at him once
over the rim of her glasses.
He wasn't so bad
for a son of jackasses.
.
At least not his looks,
though his mouth, she'd debate.
She was attracted to Malfoy!
What an odd twist of fate!
.
"I assume from the fact
that you haven't gotten up,
that you like where you're lying
and where we've wound up."
.
He blushed and he stammered,
then he got to his feet.
He helped her up, too.
How incredibly sweet!
.
"I'll have to do research,"
he said with a blush.
"Until I know more,
we should keep this thing hushed."
.
"You might be onto something,"
she reluctantly agreed.
"I'll help if you want.
I can read with great speed."
.
He nodded his head,
and promised to owl.
Then he took back his wand
with a gruffy, tight scowl.
.
"Tell me something," she bargained
as he moved towards the door.
"Did you like what we did
when we'd lay on the floor?"
.
He paused in his step,
and he let out a sigh.
"How could I not?
But I can't fathom why."
.
"Perhaps we should talk,
over coffee or tea?"
she offered him softly,
before he could flee.
.
He looked at her once,
and gave her a smirk.
"Why, Granger, I'm shocked!
Who knew you could flirt?"
.
She waved her wand at him,
And shoved him on out.
"Hey, watch the hair, baby!"
he said with a shout.
.
When he was gone,
at her wand she did look.
"What game are you playing,
you sly, little crook?"
.
And she knew in that moment
that it had all been a scam.
"You sneaky, rotten matchmaker!
You perpetrated a sham!"
.
The wand gave a laugh,
and a hearty, little shove.
It glowed in her hand.
"You're quite welcome, my love."
.
~FIN~
Author's Notes:
Perhaps someday I might write a sequel, as this was fun. What did you think? Please leave me a review, if you would be so kind!
XOXO,
- RZZMG
