My eyes skim the room until the I see the familiar features of her..the one that stole my heart.
Okay, not literally, but somehow she crept in that place that I hid deep down in myself after Ian left without a word, like a thief in the night.
"Maura," she says "there you are, I was looking for you. Are you hiding from me?"
She looks me into the eyes and all I can do is look at her and shake my head. A bit too vehement, but I hope she doesn't see through it. Of course, Jane being Jane she doesn't.
She takes me by my elbow and leads me to the balcony of the restaurant.
"What's the matter with you, Maura, you're acting strange, even for you." she says and her eyes look worryingly into mine. I drop my eyes down and just shrug.
"Too loud, too many people. I rather be at home on my couch with a glass of Pinot Noir" I tell her.
"I don't like it either that they have the Christmas party this year in an unfamiliar restaurant instead of the Division One cafe, but I know you, Maura. You were hiding from me. Why? Did I something to upset you?"
"I I I I", stutter: "I don't know where we stand anymore, Jane. We kissed last night, then you left me, standing alone in the middle of the street."
"I'm afraid, Maura"
"For what..for me?" I ask.
"There are things I can't handle, Maura," she looks defeated."One of them is you and my feelings for you."
"Do you think that I don't not know that, Jane? Running away does not solve things, they make it complicated..and hurtful." I try to keep the tears out of my voice, but somehow they find an outlet out of my eyes. over my cheeks.
"Maura" Jane reaches out to me to wipe away my straying tear. I take a step back. "No, Jane, don't!"
She stands there on that balcony, looking somehow lost and tries to catch my eyes, but I avoid her pleading look.
"You don't suppose to make me feel so small, Jane. You are my friend, I had enough of neglecting in my youth. Yeez, even in adulthood!"
"Maura, I fell in love with you, and it's not easy for me either, but I never wanted to cause you pain. You are THE most important person to me"
"What do you want from me, what, Jane? Forget everything and going the normal business of the day? What, Jane?" I straighten my composure and look into her eyes.
She looks in the distant and begins to tell: "All my life I had this picture of my future. Job, house, a man, marriage and somehow along the line some kids to teach all about baseball. Being happy, fulfilled. But I know I would never achieve that, I love my job and the butchyness my mom seems to dislike."
She turns towards me, looks into my eyes with a softness that is almost painful to endure.
"Then you came. The man I dreamed of became that honey blond science geek, a woman..you."
Despite everything, a little smile creeps upon my face. "You fell in love with me?" I ask timidly.
"Yeah, the day I saw you in the kitchen introducing me to Bass for the first time." She smiles back at me and continues: " I thought; Maybe SHE is the one. You know, the one that could be it all. A friend, a partner, a lover and the one to share a life with. The whole 'Hotemetote'."
She sighs "I tried to dig those thoughts and my feeling, deep down inside of me. But inside of one, they won't go away. So I get used to them. even in hiding them, and I was getting good at it."
Jane reaches her hand out to me, and I take it:" We can do this together, Jane. The journey, the whole, how did you say it 'Hollerdimoti'.
"Hotemetote, Maura." she says.
"Is that even a word, Jane?"
"I really don't know, but it seems to be the right word for me…."
I step into her and she embraces me tenderly. I sigh and keep her tight as if she would disappear from the balcony without a trace of her existence.
"Jane", I say to her "there is never a fear or a danger so big that it isn't worth the risk of being loved unconditionally. Together, my brave Detective, we will fight the world. Maybe you're the one to fulfill my hopes, dreams and desires, who knows. But is it not worth every heartache to try at least?"
"Maura, not 'maybe'…you are definitely the one for me. I can't promise you the moon, but I can promise you to dance in his yellow light"
"You are such a poet, Jane Rizzoli." I say.
"Don't tell anyone, love," she whispers softly into my ears "but you are my holy inspiration!"
"Oh, Jane..."
She takes my face in her hands and kisses me softly on the lips, untangles herself and takes my hand.
"Time to face the music, Dr. Isles!"
"Christmas music!" I correct her.
"Smartypants! She laughs and squeezes my hand softly "Come on, up we have a future to live!"
I laugh as we go inside, to a brighter future…
##
