This is an AU oneshot, Lily never married James and the war was still going on. However Severus has still turned spy against Voldemort after he had seen him attempting to kill and using the cruciatus curse on Lily.

Im thinking about rewriting some of this later, because it definately could be improved, but its been sat on my computer for months and I can't decide what to do with it. Anyway this came about because I realised I usually write pov fics with very little dialogue, so I wanted to try something new (and I love for Severus to actually get Lily in fics). Also I love Lily, but shes not perfect like some fics seem to make out, so in this I had her admit to some of her faults from when she was a teenager.


The knock on his door had been most unwelcome, it was past midnight and Severus Snape was sure that whoever it was could've waited until the morning. He sighed as he forced himself up from the comfortable chair by the fireplace. His almost permanent scowl was fixed in place as he opened his door a small amount. The woman on his doorstep was drenched from the pounding rain, her black cloak covering her hair. Severus was about to tell the woman to leave him in peace when she raised her head and he saw the bright green eyes of the one he had loved since he was a child. Lily Evans.

"Can I…Can I come in?" she asked him softly. Severus too surprised to speak opened the door fully and allowed her to walk past him. This was a most unexpected visit, since he had joined the Order of the Phoenix, he and Lily seemed to have come to a kind of truce, they spoke politely to each other but since fifth year they hadn't had contact and he could not see what would have caused her to come knocking on his door at this time

"I can see this place hasn't changed at all," she said, half smiling at him, and when he didn't respond she continued, "It's been years since we last spoke."

Severus finally found his voice, "Lily, you were the one who didn't want us to, you were the one who broke our friendship,"

He was rather pleased to see her look uncomfortable at these words. He had loved this woman, still did love her more than life itself, and she had discarded him just because she didn't want her fellow Gryffindors thinking low of her for hanging out with that "greasy Slytherin".

"Sev, I…"

"Don't call me that!" he said coldly, that had once been a term of affection, now it was like she was tormenting him.

She looked slightly taken aback but carried on, "Severus, I feel like I should explain…well… everything,"

He looked at her for a moment, questioningly, but then nodded and sat down facing her.

For a moment she was silent, as if planning what she was going to say to him, she twisted her hair around her finger- a habit she had when nervous. Severus decided that he would not interrupt her and would let her finish before speaking himself, as clearly she had something she needed to get off her chest.

"Well," she began, "I guess first of all I owe you an apology for what happened between us in fifth year, I was incredibly foolish back then, arrogant, carried away with all the attention that was on me all the time, I was praised by teachers, had many friends, got attention from boys, I guess I just started believing that I was a much better person than I really am. You see, to me there were only good and bad people, when I was younger I had tried to ignore the Gryffindor belief that all Slytherins were bad, after all," she gave him a sad little smile, "my best friend was one. However, I even saw you begin to change over the years, I saw you hang out more with people like Mulciber and Avery and I guess I began to believe that you were becoming just like them."

She paused for a moment, looking down at her hands, "Looking back now, it seems so stupid of me, but I thought that if I yelled at you enough to leave them, you would, I didn't stop to think why you might be hanging around with them. Never. All I knew was that I didn't like them and I thought that should be enough for you."

She looked straight at him and Severus tried to remain impassive, tried not to become too lost in her eyes. "I'm sorry, so sorry for ending our friendship. At the time I was stupid and sixteen and caught up in enjoying the popularity I had, and my house mates constantly said you were headed for the dark side, I guess it just seemed an easy thing to do.

"I regretted it later of course, I still cared for you, even when we were in school, but I had convinced myself that you were becoming a dark wizard and it would be best if I had nothing to do with you anymore.

"Then…well you know, in seventh year I started seeing James,"

Severus tried to keep his calm at the mention of the boy who had made his life hell for seven years, the boy who had taken the woman he loved. He could put up with anyone else dating Lily, as long as she was happy, but James Potter had everything Severus didn't, why should he have the woman Severus loved as well?

"At first it was more because I thought that if he went on a couple of dates with me, he might then realise that as a couple we just wouldn't work, but time went on and it became serious without me even realising it." She glanced up at him for a moment. "And up until about a month ago we were even living together."

"Up until a month ago?" asked Severus, unable to resist his curiosity.

"I left him." Lily stated, she didn't appear particularly upset Severus noted, "I realised that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, I like him a lot and maybe I did love him in some way, but I cannot picture a future involving the two of us, we are from completely different worlds. Plus the last few years have completely changed me as a person, James is in many ways still a spoilt little boy, and I don't particularly fancy the idea of spending my life running after him as well as any other children we would have "

Severus was watching her carefully, she had come to him after all, and she was telling him that there was no future for her and James, could it be possible that there was someone else she could picture a future with….

"Lily, why are you telling me this?" he said a little harsher than he had intended.

She spoke a little clearer this time, "because Severus Snape, no matter how much of a jerk I was acting, I could never have forgotten you, the only reason I ended our friendship was because I was listening to what my housemates were saying about you when I should have been listening to you. I realise that now. However, I should also confess that it might also have been a way of me coping with the feelings I was realising I had for you, they were so strong it scared me."

Severus watched her carefully, hardly daring to believe it.

"I suppose I panicked, you were my best friend, and I felt like I was losing you. You were becoming a "bad" wizard, I couldn't have feelings for you, so I got angry at you. I wanted more than ever for you to change into the boy I once knew, at that moment never meaning to end the friendship as finally as I did."

When she finished she watched Severus for signs of reaction, he was obviously trying not to give anything away, but Lily knew him too well, even now, she could read him easily.

"So why did you come to me now, I… I'm a Death Eater remember," he said to her in a slightly hoarse voice.

She gave a wide smile at this and leaned forwards in her chair towards him whispering, "I know that's not true. I also know the reason you turned spy."

Severus gave a slight nod of his head, of course she did, Dumbledore will have meddled of course, though Severus couldn't quite believe that Dumbledore had done something which would benefit him instead of perfect "Golden Boy" Potter.

Though what had he told her? Had he revealed Severus's undying love for the red headed beauty in front of him?

"You know I joined the Order of the Phoenix a few weeks ago of course," he said to her, "and you know it was after I saw the Dark Lord try to murder you."

"Yes, but Sev I have to know, do you truly want to fight against Voldemort, or do you just want to fight against him because he tried to kill me,"

A moment of silence then he spoke in a low voice, "I have wanted to leave for some time now, it was never just about you, and I know I'm not the only one. Seeing him attempt to kill you was the turning point but not the only reason."

Lily beamed at him and he felt the old comfort he used to get from her presence, instead of the pure misery he had been suffering with for the last few years whenever he thought of her.

"Do you forgive me? For calling you..what I called you," he asked her after a pause.

"Yes. Yes of course Sev, I forgave you a long time ago for that," she seemed surprised to be asked, "But do you forgive me for treating you so badly?"

Her pleading tone caused a jolt in his heart; he knew his answer already, without even having to think about it.

He nodded. "Yes." She beamed at him again before he continued, "So, you had feelings for me?" he spoke in little more than a whisper.

She looked at him for what seemed like an age before cautiously leaning forward, "I still do," she murmured before placing her lips on his.

He pulled back from the bliss he felt from her kiss and turned away from her.

"Lily, I have a dangerous job, we would have to keep any relationship we had as quiet as possible; I would have to tell the Dark Lord I had you under the imperious curse, that I am using you."

"Sev we will figure something out, only the order would know about it, tell Voldemort whatever needs to be said. We have to take chances, what if one of us dies fighting and we never got the chance to be together, even for a little while,"

He observed her cautiously, "You broke my heart Lily," he eventually stated, his voice filled with bitterness, "when you left me. So if there is any chance of you disappearing from my life again, I would rather you just go right now, because I don't think I'll be able to cope with it a second time."

Lily gave him a small smile before standing up and taking his hand, pulling him round, forcing him to face her. She then reached up to place her lips on his once again. She knew he still wasn't fully convinced, but for now, he didn't pull back. They could carry on their talk later. Much later.