Saudade
- (n.) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost: "the love that remains".
AN: that's AU of Naruto, somehow in feudal era but not necessarily correct in many areas of that period. the main subject of this story is of course Sakura and her character development but mostly the cold, hard truth about political value of prospering villages. there are clans that are named as in Naruto verse, for example Senju, Uchiha. the things that can throw reader away might be the young age of people who marries in it, but please remember that in feudal era girls were very young when they married. ive made different changes when it comes to age of characters, the presence of characters that lived before or died after some other characters - they are thrown in this together. Sakura is 17, Madara is 28, Itachi is 24 - the rest will be explained later. Next update within 2 weeks.
They didn't know from whom she was born or from where her family roots came. Small group of Senju clan has found her in a tiny basket, covered in nothing but a light blanket. It was miracle, they were saying, that the newborn survived cold autumn that has been in the air. They took her into their village and that was the beginning of her life - a life that she is living in the midst of political issues between many strong leaders of different parts of the country.
Her adoptive mother named Mito was only fifteen when she was married to the head of Senju clan, Hashirama who by far was the most influential man in the whole camp. Mito agreed to rise pink haired baby at the age of sixteen because of the pity that she felt while looking at pale looking limbs and green eyes of the infant. There was displeasure coming from her native region which has been named Uzumaki, that she shouldn't have adopt an unknown child without having heirs herself but she quickly repressed the rumours by being pregnant when Sakura was three years old. Her name wasn't unusual as she has first thought to be, looking at her outer appearance the name given her by her mother was almost ironically perfect. She was called beauty of their village for her whole life but that was all of compliments that she has received because more than loveliness she was considered to be a bad luck. She didn't suit a canon of typical villager girl; and for the most part she was hated for being adoptive child of the Hashirama and Mito.
She owed them a huge debt, a debt of life and well being. If it wasn't for them she would have been dead and eaten by the forest animals.
She saw Uchiha once.
Her fingers were occupied with papers and she was looking at her feet not to trip over a hem of her dress when she was stopped by huge, masculine hand. She was always surrounded by women, servants and her mother - her brothers always on the run, hunting and practising their deadly attacks on each other - so she didn't know how to react to such forward gesture she dropped scrolls and looked down with curtsey. From what she could see he was standing close to her, his body clothed in dark armour with red flames on the plate of his chest. The purple colour of his robe that was underneath gave an aristocratic touch to his attire.
"Where's the main base?"
His voice was deep and rough and she curiously eyed his strong jaw from the crown of her hair. Her hand slowly rose to show him the way when she met his blank stare. He was beautiful, if a word could describe the person standing in front of her. His long hair was softly trapped in a low pony tail and he had long lashes that caressed upper eye lids, she blinked few times before awkwardly collecting fallen parchments. She didn't have any close relations with boys from her village so she softly mused under her breath, thinking how different Uchihas looked from all of the Senju men. The sharpness that wasn't so common here made her think of stone figures that were shaped of human proportions.
"Thank you," she was straightening when he decided to speak again. "You've missed this one" he handed her paper with brownish signet and turned his back. Between his shoulders was the crest of his clan that almost made her feel the weight of it, she wondered if someday she would wear any emblem on her back.
The evening walk from library to the main compound for Sakura was the most fascinating and pleasurable thing to do. Far from nasty remarks and unkind stares she could easily watch starry sky or how leaves fell from almost bare trees surrounding her home. Her hands touched her hair and with one swift motion she threw them over her shoulder so she could make a plate from it. She often thought of herself as a ghost - always so pale and bright among brown haired people, only her mother with a vibrant red hair made her feel less extraordinary and out of the place. Truth to be told, her duty always laid in Mito hands. If Mito said anything, Sakura always done it without asking any questions. Maybe it was for her love that has emerged from her young heart towards the person that has been taking care of her for almost seventeen years now.
She halted when she saw gates to the grand family house. Sighing she walked towards the well and grabbed free wooden bucket. The rope was old and her palms softly gripped rough edges of it and pulled it with all her force. When she spotted half watered vessel she started to pull it out. Touching the cold liquid she drank few cups formed from her fingers.
"Didn't your father tell you that you should be more careful with things like that?" she put the bucket on the ground and looked at her new companion. He gestured to her to move and they slowly made their way towards the district. "You were absent for the whole day. Where have you been?" her hands played with a hem of her sleeve when she listened to monotonous questioning from her Senju relative.
"I've been reading. You should know better to not address Hashirama-sama as my father. We both know that I'm in no position to call him that" glancing in white haired man direction she kept her stoic composure. "Is that all you wanted to say?" she didn't mean to be rude. Tobirama was always behaving strange with her, at first he treated her as an enemy, later when she was growing up he watched over her as an older brother should and now he seemed to be her shadow. For one thing she resembled her adoptive mother, she didn't like to be mentored. Crossing her arms over her chest she faced older man with sceptic look on her young face.
"Always so disrespectful. Have you seen something unusual today?" he studied her expression with suspicion.
"Uchiha. I saw Uchiha at the road to library" her frown deepened when he took one of her arms and started to march with her to the most isolated place in the residence. "What are you doing?" her voice was calm but she simply couldn't let him drag her as if she was a dog. The white curls of his hair shone in the sunset light and she thought about pearls that she had seen when she was six year old on the neck of the one of the Uzumaki delegates.
"Did you hold a conversation with him?" his question was articulated with strength and venom which was slightly disturbing to her, knowing that within whole country was a peaceful period without wars and assassinations. She nodded and watched as his face changed to solemn scowl within few seconds, the sound of wind was the only thing she could hear for at least three minutes. Tobirama's passive body language threw her off her silly thoughts about nature as she taped her finger onto his chest with troubled face.
"There is an awakening in resistance within Uchiha. The troops informed Hashirama that they aren't satisfied with their land and they plan to gather forces to raid villages" he looked pained but even though his monologue didn't waver. "We decided that we should propose a treaty for them to settle, there's going to be an assembly. The Uzumaki, Uchiha, Hyuga and Senju are going to discuss the meaning of this outbreak and decide on what the treaty should have consisted of"
Her green eyes searched for something that could mean her role in all of this but the only answer she got was his shaky breathing and more steps into emptiness of large garden.
"I don't understand why are you telling me all of these informations. I'm merely allowed to study and walk freely in the daylight. I'm serving your brother and Mito-sama as a loyal servant not as their daughter" she tried to walk away but his hand clasped on her wrist making her unable to leave him.
"Be careful. You should know better that you are indebted"
Her brows furrowed and somehow realization crept upon her with cold prickles of autumn night.
"Yes, I'm aware of that" managing to bow she ran towards main house with uneasy feeling in her chest. What will become of her in this whole political mess?
Mito looked at her with sadness on her face two days later and Sakura inwardly stopped breathing. Have they always planned to use her as some kind of help in their political fighting? Or was she so blind that she couldn't see that what she thought was motherly love was only concern for Senju clan well being? Touching silky materials of greenish yukata for the clans meeting she searched for lavender petals to pour some sweetly scent onto the robes.
"Have you slept well, my dear?" biting her lips she nodded to the red haired woman, clothing her in layers of grassy colour. The hair pins in Mito's hair touched her ears and as she took some tint for her lips the older woman rose her hand to signalize abrupt stop. "All of you, leave" the sound of footsteps of servants leaving and click of bamboo doors made her skin tingle. "You must know, Sakura that you were deeply loved by me and my husband. You were our miracle and you helped this village to prosper. I know that you never were treated as my true child or my sister, you became much more than I've ever hoped" the lady's hand occupied her cheek and with small smile she kissed her large forehead. "You must have known that your debt might be paid, mustn't you? Sakura, please look at me" she did and what she saw made her more vulnerable than she ever was. Mito was the strongest person she knew, she didn't see her cry or complain, every struggle and pain she bore as a true lady that she was. And now, now that perfect illusion crumbled and she looked into weary pair of eyes that plead her soul. She wanted to crawl back to her futon and never be able to see that despair in her life but kneeling before the idolized woman before her, Sakura simply wanted to be coward. The trembling of limbs seemed to be hers when she spotted her pale fingers attached to the kimono of lady. The gross taste of bitterness and something akin to betrayal took her by surprise and she stiffened in awkward bow.
"Understood" her whisper seemed to unlock emotions in Senju that she hadn't seen in her whole seventeen years old life. Turning back she was met with two women waiting for her as she was a prisoner. Her pink locks whirled when she snapped her neck in direction of her adoptive mother. The shoulders of Mito shook when she couldn't met her gaze.
Sakura did one thing she always was good at, she smiled and bowed accepting her fate.
