Author's Note: I do not own the songs mentioned I just used them to portray my charachters and their moods. Also I found the picture at 2011_05_01_ I think once you read it you will agree it describes Virginia

The last of the cigarette stifles out in the ash tray, the orange flame smokes out. The coffee in my cup has gone cold. This is routine, by the time my cigarette burns to its demise the last quarter of the coffee in my cup has chilled. Boyd used'ta get so mad used'ta hate that I'd waste the cup. The porch creek as Humphrey gets up from his bed and heads for the door. He knows the routine as well as I do. As I stand, I look out at the fields this house was too big for me and this ole hound dog but it was home. "Ok Humphrey," I say and I head inside. I kick off one shoe and head for the record player in the den. The nice thing about living in the middle of nowhere is you can crank your music and nobody hears it. The downside, you can do anything and nobody hears it. I turn on some classic Willie Nelson and loose the other shoe. By now Humphrey is on the couch watching me. The belt is next as I walk through the kitchen "gee ain't it funny how time slips away" I sing walking to the fridge. Beer in hand I head to my bed room toss my belt on my bed and slip out of my jeans "I gotta go now I guess I'll see you around" I sing again. The bath water is going and the record player fuzzily begins the next song. The shirt goes off over the head and onto the bathroom floor the bra follows as I step in the hair falls. This was another thing Boyd always yelled about, my clothes strewn throughout the house. "Jesus Virginia," he would say, "Every time I come home it looks like you've had wild sex throughout the house with some random guy. It's a treasure hunt of your clothes." I'd smile he'd laugh and roll his eyes and then he'd get into bed next to me and I'd lay on his chest till we fell asleep. I can still smell him sometimes and I guess part of me hopes he'll come in yelling at me one day for my clothes. I sigh and listen to my music ain't no sense in getting sad.

It's five in the morning when my alarm goes off and Humphrey is out barking at chickens. "Humphrey get your butt in this god damn house this instant," I yell at him through the open window in my bedroom. I hate sleeping with the window open but Boyd always loved it he said "you could tell the change in the weather by the smell of the air." So, I leave it open. I get dressed head to the kitchen pour Humphrey food and water grab a beer and an apple grab my shoes and head for the truck. The sun is just starting to come up out here and I gotta get to work.

It's an hour drive to the nearest gas station and thirty more minutes into town. Greenville Alabama, about as south as one gets, southern hospitality was invented here in Greenville or atleast one would have ya think that. I work at the local horse ranch, I'm a vet and horse trainer its hard work ya to the bone work but it pays well and god love'em the Henderson's were willing to hire me after everything that happened two summers ago. I laugh sometimes when I hear people talk about how they "always run into people they know when they look like Satan reincarnated" well here in Greenville you know everybody everyday of the week. I reach for my cigarettes and roll down the window Clifton Chenier plays on the radio as I turn onto the main square. "Mornin' Virginia" Mrs. Carlson calls from her flower shop. I smile and wave. "Morning Virginia!" a few of the Cole boys call from the other side of the street. I turn down the dirt drive and head for the barn. I cut the engine and get out, "hell of a song Ms. Virginia" "oh sorry Charlie. I didn't know you were already here hope I didn't startle you or nothing.'" "No ma'am just admiring the classics nobody round here listens to Chenier no more." "Yeah, well call me old fashioned," I say and head for the barn. Charlie is the Henderson's barn hand. That boy, damn he can wear a pair of jeans and I think he knows it too, knows I know it. He smiles at me as he unloads the hay from the top of the rafters and I continue grooming a horse. By night fall I'm beat and head for my truck. "Ms. Virginia, hold on a second," Charlie calls and I can hear his boots hit the gravel. "Ms. Virginia, I was wondering could I possibly take you somewhere?" "Take me somewhere Charlie?" "Oh, no ma'am that came out wrong I mean there's this ole riverboat club plays some real nice music wanna join me?" "You know what Charlie maybe another night ok?" "Yes ma'am you have a nice night ok? Drive safe," Charlie says as he reaches past me and opens the door of my truck for me, damn even after a long day in at a barn he still smells so good. He starts to walk away, boots on the gravel, man that sound. "Charlie," he spins around, "they got beer at this place?" I ask smiling. "Why yes ma'am they do." "Well alright then." I walk towards him and he takes my hand in his arm. At dinner we talk we laugh and I forget time for awhile forget my memories. "Well we're back," he says as he pulls up behind my truck. "I'm glad you changed your mind Ms. Virginia." "Me too Charlie," I reach for the door handle but he stops me he rubs his hand up my neck to my cheek and then kisses me. For a moment, I fall, I let go. I let him touch me, run his hand along my back but all too soon it comes back: the pain in the pit of my stomach, the screams, Boyd. "No wait Charlie stop ok just stop." "Yes ma'am I'm sorry…I…" he tries to explain but I'm out of the truck before he can. He drives off and I sit. Emotions begin to flood over and I start to cry I beat the steering wheel till my hands go numb like I wish the rest of me would. By the time I get home Humphrey is on the front porch he's waiting for me like a parent for a teen who breaks curfew. "Don't ask," I say. I open the front door for him and he slinks inside like he's been punished, I follow. I shut the front door and lock it, unlock it, lock it again. Music these days is my only pain reliever. So I walk to the record player and put on that sad song that you put on when you're gonna cry anyway. "Courage" by Sarah Polley fills the air. I walk to the kitchen, but on my way I trip, and fall hitting the side table on my way down. "Damn it Humphrey you and your stupid toys!" but as I get to my knees to stand up I realize I broke something. There it was, through broken glass were the smiling faces of Boyd and myself. I pick up the picture remembering how he felt, how he smelled. The tears flood and I sob again sitting in the floor my defenses fall to the ground. I remember it all I can't keep it out anymore. "Hey Vinny, I'm home." "Boyd gives me a kiss baby." The thoughts are flooding

"Mmmm, if I'ma get that kind of home coming I should take longer in town every time," he smiles. "Haaahaha oh you think I'm that happy to see you? No sir you just happen to have my groceries." "Yeah see I knew there was more to that kiss. Lemme go out to the car and gettum." "It's dark baby you want Humphrey to come?" "That ole dog, he can't help me." "Alright well hurry back I'm starving," I say. He giggles slaps my butt and goes to get the groceries. "And hey hit the record player on your way out." I call and can feel him roll his eyes at my request but he does it and classic Willie Nelson swells in the air.

I try to stop the thoughts but they ain't going.

"Hey Boyd did you remember the ice cream? Mamas got herself a craving for some chocolate" I laugh, "Boyd?" I'm washing my hands at the sink a hand covers my mouth and pulls me tight a knife digs into the side of leg I scream. "Shhh shhh shh" "Micah we talked about this," another voice adds, "we aren't supposed to cut em' first" "sorry jake but ya know when they look this fine…" I struggle to get free but Micah just hugs me closer, "Awh sweet thing where you going?" he turns me around. Jake has Boyd, his head is bleeding and he has a pleading look in his eye. "Baby I'm so sorry," Boyd calls and jake hits him in the back of the head, he drops to his knees. I kick and scream tears streaming down my face. "Now now why don't we all just settle down," jakes coos. About this time Humphrey comes in, he bites jake, "god damn it!" jake screams and kicks Humphrey who cries and goes down. "Micah come get this one it's time we have a little fun." Micah lets go and I try to run but Jake is faster he grabs me by the hair, "Not so fast," Jake hisses. Micah laughs at my pathetic attempt at escape and drags Boyd into our bedroom. "Please, please don't hurt them," I beg. "Awh look at this one Micah ain't she a saint not even worried about herself," Jakes scoffs and he drags me now toward the bedroom and I scream "noo." I scream and kick as best I can blood trailing us. It's then I see Boyd again he's come to and is tied to a chair is eyes full of sorrow for what we both know will follow. Jake throws me on the bed, climbs on top of me, all the time I plead with him beg him, while he rapes me. Then when Jake has had his fill he nods to Micah and Micah rapes me and the whole time Boyd is screaming from the chair screaming through the duct tape on his mouth. Jake returns to me, comes back over, leans over breathing across my face. He hits me. He hits me till my face is black and blue. Then he adds the knife he cuts a heart over my heart brands me with the knife. At some point I think he just wanted to see how much I would bleed he cuts my back my stomach. Then he sticks the knife inside me. Boyd screams, I scream. And I pass out. Funny, the last thing I remember hearing was Willie Nelson singing, "I gotta go now."

I have no clue why they left Humphrey and I alive why they killed Boyd maybe it was the fact that he cared for me, maybe they thought they killed us both. They might as well have, I lost my soul that day. Three months of rehab to learn how to live again both physically and mentally. Reconstructive surgeries sixteen to repair it all and I still "JKN" cut into my right inner thigh. The doctors told me that Jake had torn into muscle with the knife and he had cauterized, it literally branded me like a cow, they said unknowingly he had actually save my life because if he hadn't cauterized the wound I would have bled to death. I remember crying when they told me this because it was then I realized he never wanted me dead. No, he wanted no one to ever want me again. He wanted me to be haunted.

Humphrey comes and lies at my side, as I shake with the memories.

My alarm sounds waking me up. I raise my head realizing that my face is sticky with tears. I had slept in the spot of my collapse. I look over and Humphrey is still next to me. I rub his head and rise to my feet, "come on boy." Work isn't happening today, I can hear my therapist in my head saying "it starts with one day Virginia and before you know it you can't leave your house. Now do you want that to happen again?" today I could honestly say I didn't care. My head was pounding so I grab some aspirin from the kitchen and a glass of water her voice enters my head again, "it isn't healthy to avoid your emotions don't shut out the world Virginia." I grab a beer out of the fridge, another unhealthy habit according to my therapist. I shouldn't drown my sorrows I have to face them. I couldn't drown her out today so I blare the music from the record player. And sit on the couch. This wasn't supposed to be my life, I didn't choose to be afraid and heartbroken, afraid and heartbroken found me.

After having missed about three days of work I awoke the fourth morning looked out the window and rolled back over. Apparently my therapist was right one day was all it took, but who really cared? The air was musty in the house beer bottles were everywhere and the record player had been blaring forever. I look at my dreary surroundings and my eyes slowly closed.

When I awoke again it was around four o'clock the sun was heading down and things were calm. I drag my tired body out of bed and hear a knock at the door. I shuffle to the door, "who is it," I ask. "Ms. Virginia, it's Charlie." The voice said from the other side. I took a deep breath and opened the door. The light hurt my eyes and the musty air hit Charlie like a wall. "What ya want Charlie," I ask. "Well Ms. Virginia, you haven't been at work in the past four days I thought somebody should check on ya." "Awh well that's mighty sweet of you Charlie but I'm fine, thanks for checking, bye now." I go to shut the door but he blocks it with his foot. "Ms. Virginia, could I come in? I think we need to talk." I shrug and pull the door back. Shutting the door behind him I go to hit the record player, "so what is so important Charlie?" "Well Ms. Virginia I…" "You know what Charlie why don't we drop the whole "Ms." part I ain't your Sunday school teacher," I snip. "Yes ma'am. Well …Virginia I…." "Hold that thought Charlie I'ma get a beer you want one?" "No ma'am I gotta drive home," he says. As I walk into the kitchen, I hear him ask, "What happened the other night?" I slam the fridge door shut. "Well Charlie, sometimes a girl just isn't interested." "Virginia, I'd be willing to accept that, if it were true. I reach the chair across from the couch and stop, "excuse me." "Well ma'am no one starts kissing someone like that if they aren't interested. Now I've heard some things around town about you and Boyd but…." "Don't. Don't you mention his name don't you dare act like you know what happened." "Well that's the thing I don't, not from you anyway. I was hoping you would tell me." He pauses and the questions, "does it have anything to do with your scars?" "So lemme get this straight Charlie I kiss you and that makes you think you have the right to ask me about my personal life and my body who the hell do you think you are? You know what get out just get out!" "No ma'am." "Charlie get the hell out," I scream I stand and he stands with me I approach him. He's got about a foot on me and he's planted himself in my living room. I'm so mad I go to slap him he just follows the motion. "Charlie god damn it leave," I scream and he stands there. He reaches out his hand to touch my shoulder and meets my eyes with his soft brown almost gold ones. "No! Don't touch me!" I shriek I push him back but he puts his hands back on my shoulders "Don't fucking touch me!" I'm beating his chest now and the tears are burning in my eyes he pulls me closer. I start to sob that ugly cry you never let anyone hear. When I've steadied my breaths again he releases me from his chest but retains the hold on my shoulders. He brushes the hair off of my face that is now pasted there by tears. He then leans in and kisses me softly. It's not out of sympathy, I can tell. No, it is out of want, longing, respect and love. I can tell because only one other person ever kissed me this way before. He releases my lips and looks in my face for signs of unrest. There are none so he pulls me in by the waist and kisses me again slightly bending me back holding onto the edge of my tank top against my back. He then moves his hands slowly down to my butt and pulls me up on him so he can carry me. I cross my legs around his back and lace my fingers through his hair kissing him harder. When he reaches my bedroom door he slowly sets me down. He looks me in the eye breathing steady as he reaches for the bottom of my tank top, slowly he lifts it over my head and then rubs his hands back and forth across my shoulders before returning his lips to mine. I move for his t-shirt, that old faded cotton t-shirt, gently playing with the edges of it before I pull it over his head. When his hands are released from their fabric prison he reaches down and cups my face in his hands it feels like he is looking into my soul. My heart starts to pound as I go for his belt and we both remove each other's jeans. He kicks off his shoes putting him lower, closer to me than he was a second ago and he leans down adjusting. He holds me in his arms, entangled in him; I can feel my skin against his warm skin. He unhooks my bar and places my arms around his neck. Moving me through the bedroom door to my bed he continues to kiss me softly. He traces every scar on my body almost as if he is erasing the evil from my life. Pulling off my panties and his own boxer shorts, he lays me down on the bed. "You are beautiful," he whispers and my eyes begin to cloud with tears again. He then crawls to the edge of my bed grabbing my foot, he runs his hands along my leg tracing my muscles, Boyd never touched me like this. Following his hands he kisses my foot, then my knee and moves up to my thigh all the while still tracing my legs with his hands. He then slightly pulls my legs apart and I shudder as I know he will see the scar. I look up at the ceiling trying to brace myself for not being wanted, but the unexpected happens, he moves his lips to the edge of the scar licks the edges gently with his tongue before applying a sweet tender kiss to the branded initials. He rests his head at the edge of my stomach, "are you ok?" he whispers; I nod yes and grab his hand. He replies by grabbing my other hand and inching forward till he is hovering above me, I can feel him on me and I nod that it's ok. He kisses me and gently enters me I wince slightly at the unexpected pain but he just eases himself in slower. Once fully inside me he lays himself down on top of me and rests his head across my heart. I wait for a moment, "what are you doing I ask him puzzled. He replies, "I'm listening to your heartbeat it's in sync with mine." At that he raises his head and kisses my neck as he pushes himself deeper into me. I sigh in response to the unexpected. He continues moving his hands to massage my breasts as he kisses me and moves with me. He's not like Boyd at all not what I'm used to but he's amazing. He keeps himself inside moving back and forth speeding up and slowing down and speeding up, I yearn for more, for him to know he's not going to hurt me and love me harder, it seems that he can read my mind because as soon as I think this he thrusts himself hard and deep into me. I unexpectedly gasp in pleasure. And clasp my hands to his back he pushes himself as deep as he can one last time letting out a moan himself and he falls next to me on the bed. I breathlessly ask "hhhoooww ddid you do that?" "do what?" he laughs "that" I state again more emphasis on the word," I, didn't even, you just, it snuck up on me," "oh, that," he said and rolls over to kiss me again, "that my girl just happens to be my specialty and my trade secret." He kisses my forehead and gives me a wink; I snuggle against his chest. "Well, ever you ever decide to share your trade secret sir, I'd love to know," I whisper into his chest as I kiss him. "Haha I'll keep that in mind," he states and pulls me tighter into his arms. For the first time in over a year I feel healed. Nothing hurts.

I wake up the next morning the sun barreling in my window. I'm on my stomach hands under the pillow; I stretch out and moan slightly that morning moan everyone makes. It's then that I realize Charlie isn't in bed. I sit up taking the sheet with me. Just as I'm about to think that I'm a fool, I smell that grease smell you get when you fry bacon and realize the record player is on. I giggle and place my hands over my face falling back onto the bed with a thud. After laying there for a minute I get up put on my robe, tie it shut and head to the kitchen. I shuffle my feet across the floor one hand in my askew hair. I reach the end of the hall and there he is. Humphrey I slaying in the floor by the island perfectly content, and Charlie has his back to me as he works at the stove he's humming to the music and slightly dancing. He's standing there in his boxers and damn he looks good and I giggle watching him dance. He hears me and flips around. Smiling at me he says, "Morning Beautiful," and winks I grumble at him "ha ain't nothing pretty till I've had a cup of coffee. I pull a stool out from the island and hop up. "Well ma'am I think we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that." He winks and slides me a cup of coffee. I take a sip and listen to the music. "Norah Jones," I say "good choice." He laughs, "Haha well I can't take much credit I picked it from your collection." He puts the bacon he's made on a plate and places it in front of me. I take a piece, "wow that's amazing." "Thank ya kindly." He says, "An old family secret. Now the pan is heating its gotta be just right or the pancakes will be all wrong." "Oh no," I say playfully, "we wouldn't want that." He laughs and approaches me, "know ma'am we wouldn't which is also why you must come here." He reaches for my hand and pulls me off the stool, "what are we doing?" I ask him giggly. "The trick to the perfect pancakes, as past down by generations is dancing," he says and grabs me and pulls me into him and slowly sways me from side to side. "Why dancing," I ask. "Gives everything time, time to get ready, time to warm up; plus when you dance you fall in love, and when you love there is love in a room, and everything cooks better with a little love and affection." He says kissing my lips ever so slightly, then he spins me when we are facing each other again I look into his eyes, "has anyone ever told you, you're a dork," I say and smile. "Only once or twice," he replies and kisses me again. The record player skips to the next track and Norah Jones croons "like a flower waiting to bloom, like a light bulb in a dark room." I've always loved this song and now with Charlie holding me tight, dancing with me in my kitchen cheek to cheek I think this is officially my favorite song of all time. We continue dancing and I can tell Charlie has closed his eyes and is lost in the moment, "Charlie, what about the pan, isn't it ready yet," I whisper. "Nope not yet," he says and squeezes me tighter. He softly kisses my neck and the sings in my ear, "The glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes. I'm just sitting here waiting for you to come one home and turn me on." The song slowly ends and I meet his eyes with mine. "Screw the pan," I say and kiss him feverishly. In between my kisses he jokes, "well the pan…" "Wasn't what…" "I planned on screwing any way." I roll my eyes at his joke and he leaves me for a moment to turn off the stove. Then he returns to me and turns me so my back is against the island he pins me to it with his arms and kisses me. Excruciating slowly he unties my robe is eyes never leaving my body. I then remove his boxers and we embrace each other. We slowly glide to the floor.

It's been three amazing weeks. The only time Charlie has left my house is to get clothes. I asked him if he would rather us stay at his place, but he said no that he lived in a shack anyway and was enjoying the room to move. But I knew him better; I knew he wanted to remove the horrors of years past, the mustiness that filled the air of my house now. It was an old house when Boyd and I bought it but it had character and life. It was joyful and full of light. Now, with the memories I had it was like one of those beach houses you mean to visit every year but wind up visiting about every decade. Furniture covered with sheets, curtains thick allowing a yellow light through the windows. Light that clearly shows dust in the air. Yes, that is how this house felt now, and I knew that Charlie was hell bent on fixing it, so I swallowed my pride and allowed him to stay.

It is a cooler night and we are lying in bed, I've just taken a shower and am rubbing my legs down with lotion, Charlie is next to me reading. There is a chill in the air that my robe is not quite cutting out and the open window is not helping but Boyd is right you can smell the change in the air, and while I love having Charlie here it is pulling on my heart strings and I'm loving the memory of Boyd currently. Charlie gets up and closes the window. "What are you doing?" I ask him shakily. "Babe, it's getting cold outside I'm closing the window," he giggles at me. "But if you close it, I can't smell it," I pout. "Smell what," he looks at me like I'm crazy. "The weather change," I state. "Honey, you can't smell the weather change," he says and looks at me puzzled. "Boyd always said…" I start in a whisper. I hear him sigh, half frustration and half pain. He doesn't understand, he can't, but he so wants to. My eyes slowly rise from the bed to meet his and he's still standing on the right side, my side I couldn't bring myself to let him sleep on Boyd's. "You ever gonna tell me about him?" he asks. My eyes fall back to the bed and I bite my lip. His breath is shaky, "virginia, please." I don't look up. He sighs and runs his hands over his face and through his hair angrily. "God damn it Virginia let me in! I am falling love with you. I have been. Was since, the moment you started working at the farm. Everyone warned me not to get involved, but I didn't care about that I decided that if you wanted to be with me than you would be with me. I will never replace what you had before, but I will not compete with a ghost Virginia." His words hit me like ice. He paused and took a breath, grabbing his jacket he said, "so babe you need to figure out if you're ready to release him or not." With that he walked away I heard him grab his keys, open the door and shut it forcefully.

No had had ever walked out on me. The last fight I had like that was with Boyd and I walked out. Wound up on the bridge over Crybaby Creek. It was my place to think where I went when I needed an escape.

I remember that day clearly Boyd and I had gotten in a fight over my brother. I was worried about him because he had gotten mixed up with a crazy woman and now that he had broken up with her she was bound and damn determined to get even, which for Max meant coming after family and especially me. Boyd was so mad at him for being so stupid, "he's not even your flesh and blood," he'd blurted out. I argued it didn't matter but Boyd was so close minded it was all black and white so when he wouldn't get the point I left. I went to the bridge. "You can't be mad at me for loving you," these words were the last things he said to me here, Boyd's presence is the strongest when I'm sitting on the bridge like I am today. I can feel him on me like I could the day of that fight. I close my eyes and I feel his arms wrap around me just like he did that day. Tears begin to fall down my face; I hear his voice, "you have to let me go." "No," I choke out, "what if I forget you, your face your laugh, you…I can't Boyd." I hear his voice begin again "Vinny I'm always with you our lives collided body and soul we are joined forever." I feel a cold wind, the chill down my face, I know he's there. "Open your eyes Virginia," his voice is a fading whisper now and I know that when I open my eyes he will be gone. My breath is shaky, my eyes open slowly and I stare, into the stillness and I miss him.

I arrive home to an empty house. it is dark outside and the newly cold air of fall has a bite. Humphrey is lying in the middle of the living room floor, and I decide to start a fire in the fire place. Turning on my music, the memories become as clear as if I'm watching a silent movie. I crouch in front of the fire "headlights" blares in the background something about "we made some wrong moves along the way," is being sung in that oh so painful truth, I'm kindling the fire and can't help my smirk "no shit." I watch the smoke hit the back of the chimney, and fall to the floor sitting in front of the fire. I must have sat for about an hour before it becomes apparent what I have to do. The fire still burning I get up, gathering images, letters, any memory. Having gathered everything, except for that old tattered flannel shirt, the one I'm wearing, the one that literally with blood sweat and tears from years of working on this house is branded with his scent, I head to the fire. One by one I add a memory to the fire, piece by piece feeling just a little more free a little less weighed down. I throw in the last memory and whisper, "good bye Boyd." I close my eyes I'm wearing that one thing the one memory I needed and I realize I will in fact never forget him never forget his smell, his face, because he is a part of me forever. So, slowly I shrug off the shirt tears filling my eyes, I hold it to my nose one last time and take a deep breath, then I gently lay it in the flames of what used to be. I rock myself back and forth on the floor as I cry quietly watching it all burn, "that a girl," he whispers and I smile gently remembering "out of the ashes will rise the phoenix" and I feel utterly peaceful all by myself.